


How Much Is OK?

by PearlTheKnight



Series: Surviving Law School [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Coming Out, Depression, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Jasper isn't an abusive asshole in this one, Law School, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, being nerds together, murder case, not as dark as it sounds, working through stuff together
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-01-21 10:52:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 51,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12456100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PearlTheKnight/pseuds/PearlTheKnight
Summary: When young, anxiety ridden, top of her class Peridot meets Lapis Lazuli a girl with an apparent lack of motivation for anything, they both start to wonder about their own strategies to cope with Law School. Feeling too much all the time or feeling nothing at all may not be a healthy way to survive, but it's the only way they know how.





	1. Opposites

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think, any criticism will be appreciated!

Competition was never her strong suit; it unnerved her in a way that she could never quite explain. Her mother always said that a little fear of failure was good, it meant that you cared about what you were doing. Her mother was never in law school. Her mother never felt the pressure of being the best.

Ok, maybe Peridot wasn’t being fair, is not like her mother demanded that she was the best, she certainly didn’t help with how proud she was with her, but most of her internal agony came from herself. It all started when she was in fourth grade and got to be top of her class for the first time; the feeling was amazing, Peridot was important and she had tangible proof of it. Every year it got a little harder, but she managed to keep going. Sometimes she wondered if she truly enjoyed studying or she was just a praise junkie.

None of that mattered at the moment though. The now graduate student had learned a long time ago to live for the short moments of joy when being at the top, and survive through the endless anxiety of the day-to-day life. 

With calculated familiarity, she took a deep breath and started singing in her head whatever song was playing on the radio on her way over to the school; later Peridot smoothed the sleeves of her formal blazer and walked into the Moot Courtroom to get into what she called “The Zone”. It all was a routine with the sole purpose to get her to that sweet spot where everything around her faded and all that mattered was the task at hand; no sounds, no presence, no feelings or fears got to her in that state. She vaguely sensed her partner sit down next to her, busy with her cell phone, not sparing her a glance; it was not the first time Yvonne Zircon worked with her, she was aware of her process.

A loud sound woke her up from The Zone. A mildly annoyed girl with short blue hair walked into the courtroom; behind her, there was a clearly distressed woman talking way to fast for her own good, trying to keep up with the long strides the blue haired girl took. 

“Lazuli!” Said the visibly sweaty woman “Don’t storm off like that. This is serious”

Lazuli didn’t spare her a glance and just dropped herself onto the chair. Her suit jacket, that was obviously at some point very stylish but now looked like no one had cared for it in a while, rumpled under her strange position. Underneath that, she was sporting a simple white shirt and jeans just dark enough for them to look somewhat professional if you didn’t look too hard.

“OK, listen to me. We need to practice what we are going to say. This is the final stage, we cannot messed this up” The taller woman hunched a little in a useless attempt to keep Peridot and Yvonne from hearing her; sadly, her voice was too high pitched with anxiety to prevent anyone in a five mile radius to listen.  
“Fuck off Beth” Was the only retort she got from the blue hair girl, who was now reaching for her bag and pulling a trashy teen romance book to start reading.

Yvonne wasted no time after that and walked over to their adversaries, positioning herself very close to the woman who was trying not to pull her hair out with her bare hands. Beth looked briefly up at her and then slammed her forehead on the desk groaning audibly.

“Ready to be crushed Ms. Beth Zircon?” Yvonne taunted not unkindly. Peridot knew for a fact that her partner had had a crush on their opponent since the first day of law school when they got mixed up because of their last names. Since then Yvonne had teased the poor woman mercilessly, too afraid of rejection to actually say her feelings out loud. Peridot had once suggested she wooed her by making her see the advantages of not having to change her name after they got married; Yvonne was not amused.

“Shut your damn mouth” Said Beth, not bothering to raise her head 

“That is foul language towards your opponent. That is not good sportsmanship” 

“Sorry about that, I’ll rephrase” Beth said finally looking at her straight in the eye. Peridot’s long time… friend? Sure, that sounded right; Peridot’s friend seemed to be petrified at the sight, lost in the girl’s brown eyes. Those same brown eyes apparently noticed that fact because a reluctant cocky smile could be seen in the corners of her mouth before she spoke. “Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Seriously do you ever get tired of the sound of your voice? for fuck’s sake” 

“I happen to believe that I have a very nice voice, so to answer your question, no I don’t” The other Zircon said when she managed to get out of her stupor. “Good luck defeating us”

“I won’t need it” But all the confidence Beth had just fell when she glanced at her partner, still engrossed on her book.

Just as Zircon was returning to their seats, the doors of the Moot Courtroom opened and the three judges walked in. They didn’t bother to look at the participants, nor the few spectators that had gathered to watch the final round of the Moot Court Cup. Superior, there was simply no other word to describe the way they moved across the aisle; they had an air of cool detachment that was basically telling everyone that whatever they were going to say wasn’t worth their time.

“Holy shit Yvonne! I couldn’t prepare, I’m not ready. I’m not in The Zone” Peridot whispered to her partner barely avoiding a full-blown panic attack. She had just realized that she had been so fascinated by her opposition that she was nowhere near the Zen state required to ace the presentation.

“Don’t worry little Dot, I’m awesome, you’re awesome and Beth’s partner over there, doesn’t look like she can do much. We got this in the bag, so just relax.” Yvonne leaned back after ruffling her partner’s blonde hair and waited for the judges to make their initial statements. Peridot was so unconvinced by the soothing words of her friend that she even forgot to tell her not to call her Dot.

“…On behalf of the Plaintiff Ms. Lapis Lazuli and Ms. Elisabeth Zircon, and on behalf of the defendant Ms. Peridot Green and Ms. Yvonne Zircon. Plaintiff’s attorneys, you may begin your initial statements. You have ten minutes.” With that Lapis stood up after shaking off Beth’s worried gaze, she took a deep breath and smiled confidently towards the Court. 

“Your Honor, my partner and I are here to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the defendant carelessly initiated a contact with our client which later resulted in severe damages to her patrimony, and her physical and mental health. The standard of care with which the defendant should have acted was not observed and therefore we firmly believe that he should be found liable” Confidence just oozed out of Lapis Lazuli; she held herself like the world belonged to her, no trace of hesitation nor fear. As she continued talking Beth Zircon started to relax smirking at a suddenly tense Yvonne. 

Peridot even forgot about her nervousness admiring the girl’s stance until she turned and looked directly at her. They made eye contact for less than a second but it was enough to make a chill run down Peridot’s spine. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, it wasn’t longer than any polite eye contact either, but the blue eyes of the girl talking were… dead. That was the only way one could possibly describe them, they had nothing, no excitement, no fear, no interest, no sadness. The blonde was suddenly brought back to earth by Zircon who was signaling that Lapis had already finished talking without her noticing.

After wishing, not for the first time, that she had gone to medical school, Peridot stood up shakily, cursing the universe for not letting her finish her preparations. 

“Yes, well… Your Honor, ah, we disagree with the plaintiff’s claims because the standard of care was followed and so our client can’t be liable” Her discourse wasn’t as smooth as she was used to, her voice and hands shook and her thoughts were not as elegantly connected or expressed as she would have liked. The young law student briefly looked at her opponent’s side and saw a very concentrated Beth taking meticulous notes about what she was saying and a very bored Lazuli doodling on her legal pad.

The rest of the case was painful to watch. Beth and Yvonne had been objecting to whatever the other said for about half an hour and the judges were getting tired of the thinly veiled banter. Lapis Lazuli had intervened only twice in the course of the trial, but it was obvious that she had singlehandedly persuaded the court. Peridot’s team desperately needed a silver bullet, otherwise they were doomed.

The blonde ruffled through the casebook that they had provided her with in a desperate attempt to find something that could help her. And there it was, it was so obvious that everybody had just overlooked it; even she, who had poured over the case for countless sleepless hours, had missed it. It could backfire of course, if the opposition had in fact caught this tiny detail and prepared with the necessary precedent Peridot would have just handed them the trial. But, as it were, she had to at least try.

The young law student signaled Zircon that she wanted to take the stand, to which she looked slightly worried but nevertheless closed her argument and went to sit. 

“Your Honor, we would like to present our last defense for our client. The plaintiff has submitted to court as exhibit C the lifeguard guidelines under which every public lifeguard must act accordingly. The rules seem to be clear, and if we were to just blindly apply them, our client should be found liable” At this point Yvonne’s eyes were bulging out of their sockets; Peridot was infringing rule number one of any tort case, never accept responsibility. “Nevertheless, there is a caveat to this. The drafters of these guidelines wrote a message, sort of an introduction to the rules that was supposed to be attached to every copy of the book. Sadly enough, such message has been cut from the pocket editions distributed to the lifeguards for training. Here, they explain the way such rules must be interpreted. I would like to direct your attention to the last sentence at the bottom of page five where it states, and I quote:  
“We understand that being a lifeguard is a hard job, just work hard and try your best. Human lives are more important than any standard this book could contain”  
“It is clear to me that the intent behind the guideline was never to set a standard of care, but rather set an example that could be waived if the situation called for it, as our client thought when he tried to mistakenly save Ms. Pankey.”

Lapis Lazuli was now looking at her with a slightly raised eyebrow, while Beth was ruffling though her papers starting to sweat again. Peridot went to take a seat and prayed that the opposition didn’t have the one case that could make all her argument crumble. She and Yvonne breathed a sigh of relief when the other Zircon girl stood up and tried to stir the discussion away from what the blonde had just said. 

“Don’t you ever fucking do that again without consulting with me first” Her also blonde partner whisper rather forcefully in her ear.  
“We were losing, I had to do something. Besides I think it worked”

“Yes I think so too, but you almost gave me a heart attack” 

Peridot only rolled her eyes and waited for the closing statements and the verdict with increasing anxiety. She was the one that was going to have a heart attack if this trial didn’t stop any time soon. The president of the Court took her sweet time explaining their opinion on every argument presented. 

“…And so, given everything that we have seen on trial, we reversed the District Court decision in favor of the defendant with the dissenting vote of Judge Prince.”

“Congratulation Ms. Zircon and Ms. Green, you won the 2017 Moot Court Cup.” Said the fellow judge on the president’s left.

This was it; this is what she lived for. Joy, pride, happiness, everything hit her all at once when Peridot hugged her partner. The same intensity with which she was anxious just a couple of minutes before, was reflected in her feelings for winning. After shaking hands with the judges (now back to being her professors) and the opposition (now back to being just classmates) she got out of the courtroom and punched the air a few times grinning like an idiot.

While everybody was clearing out of the room, and Yvonne was inviting a crestfallen Beth for a drink, Peridot started walking towards the cafeteria for her celebratory ice tea and, later, a well deserved nap. Replacing sleep with caffeine wasn’t healthy, but fear alone could only get you so far. The blonde was definitely not expecting a blue hair girl to sit in front of her while she was enjoying her tea.

“Lazuli!” said Peridot very much surprised

“You do know that what you said about the guidelines is bullshit, right?” Her tone wasn’t angry, it was the same disinterested monotone she used when addressing her partner; but her eyes were different, they held a tiny spec of something, too small to actually be recognized. “I’ve been a lifeguard since I was 16, and nobody thinks they are just a suggestion” 

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“It wasn’t worth it, I had nothing to back it up with” 

They stayed silent for what felt like an eternity for Peridot but in reality must have been less than two minutes, making her nervousness kick in again. 

“So, that’s the only reason you came to talk to me?” Said the blonde breaking the silence and cringing a little at how harsh her words sounded.

Lapis seemed to snap out of her trance and really pondered about that question. “Yes…I just… felt like it. I guess” she frowned, deep in thought again, and slowly stood up “I better get going. Congratulations on winning”

“Thank you” Now she was really intrigued about this girl. Peridot watched her walk away while she wondered what was happening with Lapis Lazuli. Underneath her beauty and mismatched clothing there were things that didn’t add up. The blonde law student would solve her mystery. Right after she slept for fifteen hours straight.


	2. Partners

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for the discussion of a murder case, nothing too graphic though.

She had to stop this, it was getting creepy; not that she cared honestly, but being arrested by the police for being a stalker would have definitely been a hassle. And why was she doing this again? There was absolutely no reason for her to be following her former opponent; they had nothing in common. And yet, that little spark of annoyance wouldn’t leave her, the way she just went all out despite her obvious trembling had actually interested her. It had been so long since she had felt truly intrigued.

Peridot was just sitting there, unaware of the girl sitting on the other side of the cafeteria keeping a close eye on her. She wasn’t cute in the traditional sense, definitely not Lapis’ historical type; short, messy, stiff blonde hair and green eyes obscured by big black-rimmed glasses. Nothing in her appearance suggested that she spent more than five minutes every morning deciding how she would look; it’s not like Lapis did, but after so many years, the application of mascara and concealer just came natural.

Should she approach her? What would she say then? Hi, my name is Lapis Lazuli and I’ve been watching you ever since you beat me on the Moot Court Cup because for some reason you make me feel something other than apathy and the occasional guilt; could I hang out here until this goes away?

With a sigh she put her cup of coffee down and decided to do some homework; if she was going to be a stalker she might as well be productive while doing it. Half way through her very boring reading on contracts, someone tap her on the shoulder; she panicked for a second when she saw, out of the corner of her eye, blonde hair hovering over her. But something was off, the hair was too tidy and the head to which it belonged was at least five inches taller. Yvonne Zircon was not easily mistaken with Peridot Green.

“Hello Lazuli, how’s life?” charming as always Yvonne sat down on the same table without even asking if she could. Lapis raised an eyebrow giving a slightly intimidating aura, which usually worked when trying to get people of her back. For some reason, the blonde didn’t seem fazed by that.

“What do you want?” Lapis asked, voice as icy as she could muster. The corner of her mouth quirked slightly upwards when she saw the smallest hint of nervousness on her former opponent.

“Always so blunt? Alright I’ll cut to the chase” Yvonne cleared her throat while a blush covered her pale face. She took a deep breath and had to consciously stop herself from fidgeting with the corner of her blouse. “I came here to offer you a deal, sort of a quid pro quo situation that you might be interested in”  
“I don’t see how you could have anything that interests me” Lazuli simply went back to reading, not sparing a glance at the woman sitting in front of her, all she wanted was to be left alone, watch another blonde a little more and then go to her first day of clinics. Life was supposed to be simple that day. 

“Well, I happen to be very observant and I also happen to have noticed that you have been following around a certain little Dot for the past two days” The smugness had returned to Yvonne’s face. Lapis, on the other hand, remained impassive on the outside while internally cursing Zircon’s whole family. 

“It’s a small campus, we’ve just happen to be in the same places”

“For the first time in three years that we’ve been studying here? You are hardly ever around in the common areas”

“I still don’t see your point”

“Your behavior seems to imply one out of two things” It was so easy to slip back into litigation mode for some people. Lapis just shuddered at the thought that she was once like the blonde in front of her, being so pretentious to actually think there was no one better or smarter than they were. “Number 1) you are still butt hurt about us kicking your ass in the Cup and want some revenge, which if that is the case, I would advise you to stay away from her or you would have to confront me first, and I leave no proof behind.”

“Please” The blue haired girl just scoffed at the empty threat, she could see right through the confident façade and see that Zircon was actually terrified of the option. Although she filed that piece of information in her mind along with other various tidbits of Peridot’s life. Apparently the short girl had a good friend.

“OR” Said Yvonne, not bothering to reply to Lapis “you have a crush on my friend, which is fine, but you could have found a more non Edward Cullen way to try and get to know her”

“How about this?” Said Lapis leaning into the table keeping eye contact in a very menacing way. “If you leave me alone right now, I won’t tell anyone you just made a Twilight reference.”

“It’s famous enough in pop culture to be a reference on its own!” Oh the intellectuals were so easy to intimidate, shame would fall upon them if somebody found out they liked something that didn’t have subtitles or a tragic and ambiguous ending. “Never mind, look I can help you out with Peridot if you… find out a few things for me?”

“That sounds shady. Last chance to get the fuck out of here or I’ll take my now cold coffee somewhere else”

“Wait, I know you have Trial Advocacy with Beth and I wanted to ask you if you could find out who is the guy she is hanging out with” Finally a spark of humbleness showed on Yvonne’s face, she was worried, ashamed and scared; so many emotions were going through her head settling on regret after a few seconds of silence. “This was a mista…”

“I do not have a crush on Peridot, I haven’t been following her, and I certainly do not need your help with her” Lapis stood up with her coffee in one hand and her denim backpack in the other. She told the truth, she didn’t have a crush on Peridot, she just couldn’t; she only liked the way she made her feel. The blue haired girl wouldn’t even talk to her, that was just another Jasper situation waiting to happen. “For all your talk Zircon, you should definitely grow a pair and ask Beth yourself.” Lazuli started walking but before she could exit, saw the empty space where the short blonde had been sitting and turned around “His name is Buck, and that’s the only thing I know” 

Zircon snapped her head up, her expression turning from self-pitying to one of surprise. Lapis couldn’t blame her for that; she was also surprised with her own actions.

She still had a few minutes before the first class of her clinic started, so she decided to just wait for her professor inside the classroom. To her utter astonishment, she wasn’t the first one to arrive; Peridot was sitting on the right side of the big conference table reviewing some notes while swinging her feet that were to short to actually touch the floor. _Shit_ thought Lapis, right after Zircon inadvertently helped her make a decision on what to do with the blonde, they just so happen to share a very small class. The blue haired girl could flee and drop the class, take it next semester; it would be fine she only had to leave before the girl in front of her…

“Lazuli! Didn’t know you were taking professor Lovegood’s clinic” For some reason, despite the enthusiasm Peridot showed, a faint blush spread through her cheeks and wasn’t quite able to look at her in the eye. “Are you interested in criminal law?”

“There aren’t a lot of things I’m interested in” _Like you, for example. Damn it Lazuli._ After the short girl removed her bag from the seat next to her, Lapis was forced to take it; she couldn’t be rude to her. “I’m good litigating, so I figured I might as well attend a clinic that will require some of that skill” The conversation could have easily died down then, Peridot seemed too shy to continue and some students were already starting to come in. “Do you like criminal law? You don’t seem like the type”. 

“Not particularly” Said the blonde after a moment of hesitation, looking at Lapis in the eyes for the first time since they started talking. “I just heard that this clinic was the most challenging one.”

Lapis blinked at the conflict she could see behind Peridot’s eyes, she wanted to ask more questions. Why would this bundle of nerves purposefully go to the most difficult class being perfectly able to avoid it? But before she could voice her doubts the professor walked in. The firm clicking of her heals was enough to make everyone focus on her. She was tall, at least six feet tall with dark skin and deep brown eyes. Her afro was perfectly styled, just like her navy blue suit. Professor Lovegood was imposing, ready to take on the world. 

“Good afternoon everyone I am Professor Garnet Lovegood, and welcome my clinic.” Even Lazuli was a little intimidated by the large woman; her voice was deep and commanding, a very strong British accent also helped to keep all eyes on her. She just exuded authority in a way that very few people could. “As I’m sure you already know, we will be focusing on cases relating to criminal law, nevertheless this semester we’re going to do something different. It is my desire that we turn this clinic into the very first Innocence Project of the state.”

An exited murmur filled the room; innocence projects were difficult and taxing for the students but offered real possibilities to actually play the part of detective and sometimes, if you so happen to hit the jackpot, could end up being cited in the books. Who cares about the rewarding work you would be doing? Lapis simply scoffed at that.

“Before you start getting ahead of yourselves” Professor Garnet didn’t even need to raise her voice to shut everyone up, her face remained impassive if a bit stiff “I will lay down the ground rules you’ll be working with. First, and most importantly, you and your partner are never to forget that you are working with real lives that are counting on you, which means you don’t behave like a student, you are a lawyer. Don’t screw up.  
“Second, because this is the first time we are doing an innocence project, all of our cases won’t get to court before the semester is over, with only one exception. This means that if you’re here only for the thrill of the court or the possibility of a big case, you are more than welcome to leave.  
“And third, this is not a class on how to get away with murder. You will be tasked on the first part of this course with establishing whether or not your client is likely to be innocent. You will interview them, talk to their families, look for inconsistencies in the police reports and, once you are fairly certain that they didn’t do it, we start working on the law.  
“Any questions?”

Almost all hands shot up to ask a number of questions. You could just feel the giddiness in the air. When there were no questions left, Professor Garnet told them to get a partner before she started handing out the cases. Lapis could feel green eyes on her before the imposing woman had stopped talking. 

Lazuli look at Peridot ready to tell her that she would probably talk to the professor to explain to her that she worked better alone, but she couldn’t. The short girl looked so anxious while looking for the right words to ask Lapis to be her partner. _Fuck._

“Hey, Lazuli maybe you would…”

“Sure” Lapis cut her suffering short, answering before she could even finish her question, all the while trying to convey her usual disinterest.

“Sure what?” Peridot asked confused 

“Sure, we can be partners” 

“Awesome!” Said the blonde girl almost jumping from excitement. Lapis couldn’t help but crack a small smile at this. 

“OK, now that everyone’s ready please pick up a case file” Professor Garnet gestured to a pile of brown folders to her right, and immediately a stampede of students threw themselves in the hopes of getting the best case. Lapis simply scoffed at that. Again. “Miss Green, Miss Lazuli, could you come here a second?” Peridot looked frightened at being called but stood up and went with Lapis nonetheless.

The tall woman regarded Peridot with a warm smile before she started talking. “Am I right to assume that you two will be partnering up for my class?”

“Yes, professor”

“That’s great, it actually saves me the trouble to partner you up together.” Lapis arched an eyebrow at this but stayed silent. “I did a little research before the course started and I believe you two are the most qualified people in this room to handle one particular case” Professor Garnet went to her briefcase and took out another brown folder that looked a lot more worn out than all the others, it also had more pages inside that were overflowing and some coffee stains in the corner. “This is the case that will go to court at the end of this semester, I’ve been working on it for a year now but I’m afraid I’ve lost some… objectivity along the way. The rules are still the same, I expect you to work the same way you would with any other case. Take a look at it and… do your best”

Professor Lovegood’s stoic face didn’t waiver but her voice betrayed a hint of sadness and maybe a little bit of regret. Why was this case so important to the professor? And why was she giving it to two law students? Lapis was about to ask Peridot about it but her partner was too busy looking at the dark skinned woman with a hint of concern. 

“Everyone, the class is dismissed for now. Go with your partners, read the cases and come up with a plan for tomorrow. Will meet up here same time” Lapis and Peridot were the last ones to exit the classroom, followed all the way by Garnet’s lingering gaze.

“Lets go get a cup of coffee and go through the case” Said Lapis when they were in the hallway. The blonde just nodded, lost in thought. “What type of coffee do you like? It’s on me” 

“I don’t really like coffee, tea is fine for me” Said Peridot blushing after the invitation.

“How can you not like coffee? You’re a law student, we basically live off of that shit.” Hell, it was Lapis’ fourth cup of the day. Anything to survive.

“I drink it, but with the only goal of beating sleep once and for all. I always end up loosing but it’s worth the try” The blue haired girl couldn’t help but chuckle at the lame joke. “Besides my sister is hardcore into tea, she got me addicted”

“You have a sister?” For some reason Lazuli had thought that Peridot was an only child.

“Yes! She’s older than me but we are really close. Which reminds me, I have to call her tonight, otherwise she’ll guilt trip me into visiting her this weekend.” By that time they had already gotten to the cafeteria and were in line to get their orders “Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

“No, it’s just my mom, my dad and I” Sweet people, they had no idea what was going on in Lapis’ life but they were supportive and caring, if oblivious.

“Did you ever get bored while growing up?” 

“A little, but I read a lot and tried to do as many sports as I could” 

“I was never good at sports” The blonde chuckle as if she was remembering a particularly embarrassing moment. Lapis wasn’t surprised, the girl looked very much like the stereotypical nerd. “I was very good at art though” 

“Really?” That was interesting.

“Yeah, when I was little I would call my creations meep morps. It drove my sister crazy, to the point that she would chase me yelling that I needed to learn how to speak.” Peridot sighted longingly “OK! Ready to work?” 

“Of course” Said Lazuli, somewhat looking forward to the prospect of working with the small nerd. “Wow, this one is gruesome”

They had spread all the papers from the tattered folder on the table. The state of the documents inside wasn’t better than the outside. Someone had obviously poured countless hours reading every piece of paper, judging by the different coffee stains and the way the corners of most pages were rumple. But what those documents contained was indeed far more appalling. 

“You’re right, multiple stab wounds and blunt force trauma to the head. Oh my God! They should put a warning sing before they store the crime scene pictures” The blonde was looking as green as her shirt after a quick look to the bloody mess that was the victim.

“Let me see” The blue haired girl studied the pictures and the information carefully. The perpetrator clearly had a personal connection to the victim, they wanted her to suffer. Her name was Jasmine “Skinny” Gallegos, 27 years old, former drug dealer trying to get her life back together. She got home after working as a waitress in a dinner across the city and was brutally murdered. Neighbors called 911 after hearing the violent fight; when the police arrived to the scene they arrested a woman covered in blood, who was kneeling in front of the victim; her own cousin. 

“That doesn’t sound good for our client, she definitely looks very suspicious. What’s her name?”

Lapis looked briefly looked at the name printed in the page and answered “Amethyst Méndez, currently awaiting trial at the Federal Penitentiary”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who commented and left kudos, you guys truly make my day.  
> I have outlined the whole story and will be posting chapters every Sunday I hope you like it.  
> My tumblr is youngclosetedlesbian if you want to ask questions, I don't post a lot but you can come and say hi. Let me know what you think in the comments.


	3. Shippers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized that the italics in previous chapters didn't show so, to be clear, they represent the characters thoughts.   
> This chapter is intense, try to take it slow.  
> Warning for a panic attack and discussion of a murder case

“Zircon wait!” Peridot run as fast as her little legs allowed her trying to catch the blonde girl in front of her. The taller girl seemed surprised to see her friend chasing after her, but still waited for the nearsighted girl to catch up to her.

“Hey! What was that for?” Said Yvonne while rubbing her head; Peridot had to actually jump a little to smack the back of her friend’s head.

“What were you talking to Lazuli about, yesterday?” The short blonde had spent all day terrified of what Zircon could have told Lapis.

“Oh Jeez, jealous much?” As much as Yvonne was trying to sound mad at the girl in front of her, she couldn’t look at her eyes, and a heavy blush covered her pale face. This just got Peridot even more anxious than before. 

“What the hell did you talk about? Did you tell her about our plan?”

“Our plan? Seriously little Dot, you’re the one that wanted to figure out what was going on with her” Peridot was growing more concerned by the second, and the fact that her friend had yet to look at her straight or that the blush in her face wouldn’t go away was just making it worse. 

“You are deflecting, answer my question!” She knew she sounded whiny but at the time she didn’t care, how was the short blonde supposed to act around Lapis if Yvonne had told her about Peridot’s interest in her.

“No, I didn’t tell her anything about what we had talked. I’m not a jerk, you know?” What was wrong with Zircon and eye contact?

“Then, what were you talking about?” She still didn’t feel satisfied, her anxiety had only increased, and the tall girl’s evasive answers were only putting her on edge.

“I ASKED HER ABOUT BETH, ALRIGHT?” And there it was, finally Yvonne looked at Peridot, her blue eyes were misty and her face showed a great deal of distress. She had finally snapped at her, and the young nerd knew she deserved it. She was being the jerk in this case. “After you talked to me I started paying more attention to her and I noticed that she actually shared a class with Beth. I just wanted to know who’s that guy she is with all the time now”

Yvonne looked so vulnerable, so lost that it just broke Peridot’s heart; the taller girl sat down on the floor, not caring about her trench coat getting ruined (something that told the nearsighted girl that something was really wrong) and put her head on her knees. She didn’t look up when her friend sat next to her nor when she started talking.

“I’m sorry I pushed you. That was not nice”

“You were being an asshole” Said Zircon cracking a small smile to her side. She was still feeling down, but at least looked like she was willing to talk it out. 

Peridot bumped her shoulder with her. “Point taken. Did Lapis tell you something?”

Yvonne sighed and leaned her head and back against the wall, she looked straight ahead. When she started talking her voice was vacant, detached. “His name is Buck Dewey, he’s the mayor’s son and basically owns the town.” No emotion, not a sign that she was aware that she was even talking “Have you ever seen him? He wears sunglasses all the time, and has this cynical detachment that just screams bad boy. He’s just so much cooler than me. I stand no chance at all” Only the smallest quiver of her voice gave away how bad Zircon really felt inside. But the worst thing for Peridot was that her friend sounded so resigned, she had accepted defeat. 

“You know you haven’t actually talked to her about it, right?” 

“What difference would it make? I told you I don’t stand a chance. Hell, I don’t even know if she likes girls”

“First of all, I don’t believe for a second that she isn’t at the very least a little bit interested in you; nobody would have put up with your teasing/banter for more than two years already if they didn’t like you, even if it’s just a little” At this Zircon just scoffed, but the short blonde could see just the tiniest bit of hope in her expression. _Just need to keep going._ “Second of all, Beth is shy and very much a nervous wreck (and that’s coming from me) I don’t think she’s the kind of person who would take the first step, even if she wanted to. It’s up to you to make things happen” Peridot just wanted to rolled her eyes when she saw Yvonne considering this like it was the first time it had occurred to her. “And third, you are Yvonne A. Zircon, you do not give up without a fight. Now get up, clean yourself and go to class”

“You know what? You are right; I’ll give it a shot. Can’t get worse” Yvonne smiled softly at the girl in front of her, a new conviction clear in her mind “Thank you Peridot, I really mean it” 

“Don’t mention it, what are friends for?” She gave Yvonne a half smile and chuckled when she saw her friend’s disgusted face at the dirt in her trench coat “I’ll help you get a date tomorrow, but right now I have to run and meet up with Lazuli for our clinic” 

“You are meeting her, huh?” Zircon arched and eyebrow and continued talking half teasingly, half warmly “You should listen to your own advice once in a while”

“What are you talking about? The situation is completely different” The bespectacled girl blushed intensely, stammering behind her friend who was already walking towards her classroom.

“Of course, Honey” Said the tall woman without even turning, her voiced dripping with sarcasm.

Some day, Peridot was going to kill Yvonne; sadly that day was going to have to wait, she was already late for meeting Lapis Lazuli. They had already gone through everything the case file had, and so far things didn’t seem good for her client. Amethyst had the opportunity, being found right by the recently deceased body of her cousin just moments before her death; had the means, having established that the knife used in the crime was one from a knives set in the kitchen and the blunt object was a decorative vase that was sitting in the right side of the living room; and finally she had motive, the prosecutors argued that the accused was sick of supporting her former drug-addicted cousin and had found a bloody way of letting her know.

The only saving grace they had so far was that the police was unable to find any usable prints on the murder weapon and that Ms. Méndez’s story had no changed since she got arrested, always insisting that she was innocent. It all pointed at Amethyst being the culprit, but if professor Lovegood had specifically assigned this case to them, then there must be something else behind it.

“Hey Lazuli! How’s it going?” The blonde girl had just spotted her partner who was absentmindedly sitting on the ground, bouncing a rubber ball against the wall, annoying beyond belief the passersby that walked in front of her. Again, the blue haired girl didn’t seem to care.

“Hi Peridot, ready to go?” Said the taller girl standing up and dusting her suit off. They were heading towards the Federal Penitentiary, hoping to talk to Amethyst Méndez in order to get her version of events. After that meeting, hopefully, the duo would be able to determine whether or not this was a case worth pursuing in an Innocence Project.

“Yes! I got everything I need in my suitcase” Peridot patted it affectionately before taking a small chocolate out of it “Here, sorry for making you wait”

Lapis looked very surprised by the gesture and gingerly accepted the chocolate “You didn’t have to, you were only ten minutes late” 

“I know, but still, whenever someone’s late I immediately start thinking that they forgot or that something happen. It’s never pleasant to wait” Truth be told, Peridot had gotten that chocolate for her partner long before she knew she was going to be late; she really didn’t want to analyze why she did it.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” The blue haired girl seemed a little awkward about the gift, quickly changing the subject. “So, what made you be late?”

“Oh, I was just talking to Yvonne Zircon.” The shorter girl got a little uncomfortable, not wanting to lie but at the same time she couldn’t tell Lapis about her friend’s problems.

“What were you talking about?” The way Lazuli had said that made Peridot do a double take, she sounded a bit too forceful with a very subtle hint of nervousness and it was harder to tell on her tan skin but… Was Lapis blushing? 

“Nothing important, she… wasn’t feeling well, that’s all” Her partner didn’t seem satisfied with her response, but dropped the subject.

Once they got to the penitentiary, they showed the guards their credentials and were escorted to an oppressive room on the back of the building. The walls were white, opaque and depressing, dirty like no one had ever cared to clean them up. The windows where slits close to the selling letting some sunlight in but at the same time casting shadows of the prison bars to the occupants of the room. Lapis and Peridot sat down in the plain chairs across a table and waited for their client to arrive.

They didn’t have to wait long; the guard came back accompanied by a short woman, about the same height as the blonde, her skin was brown just like her eyes that stood right above some big dark bags. Her hair was dyed purple but roots of black hair were starting to show. All in all, despite the cheery smile she was showing them, it was clear that this woman was not having a good time in prison.

“Hey there! Who are you?” Amethyst Méndez said after the guard had removed her handcuffs. Her voice was friendly but her demeanor showed a great deal of anxiety; her hands wouldn’t stay still and every once in a while her eyes would shut for a second too long, as if they itched.

“Hello Ms. Méndez, my name is Lapis Lazuli and this is my colleague Peridot Green. We are part of a team, lead by Professor Garnet Lovegood, that is looking into your case to help you with your legal problems” Lapis spoke with trained calmness, very professionally trying to achieve rule number one of meeting with a client for the first time: establish rapport. 

Meanwhile Peridot was setting her phone on the table to be able to check the time they had left before the meeting was over, the guard had said that they had an hour. When she looked up, the woman in front of her was staring intently at her face with a thoughtful expression. The blue hair girl next to her cleared her voice in an attempt to draw her attention back to her.

“I’m sorry but do I know from somewhere?” Amethyst’s face was scrunched up trying to remember where she had seen the blonde before.

“I don’t think so, I’m sorry” The short girl replied a little taken aback by the intensity of the gaze.

“It doesn’t matter” the defeat in her face was far greater than the situation called for, keeping herself from despairing in prison must have been difficult “So, you’re lawyers working with the G-squad?”

“Assuming you mean Professor Lovegood, not exactly” Lazuli quickly continued the conversation, eager to shift the subject “we are law students at her clinical course, we were assigned to this case to conduct our own investigation regarding the likelihood of your involvement in the crime. Anything that you can tell us would greatly help us, and yourself, to get to the best solution possible.”

“So Garnet finally gave up on me, huh? I was wondering when that would happen” Amethyst seemed to crumble under the weight of the situation, her eyes went vacant and her arms limp “Don’t bother with this case kiddos, maybe I’m just meant to be here” 

“Ms. Mendez, I can assure you that Professor Lovegood has not given up on this case” Peridot spoke for the first time in the meeting trying to comfort the Latina as best as she could; but truth be told, she had no idea what her professor was planning “The sheer state of all the documents we got shows that someone went over them ceaselessly. If she had given up, we wouldn’t be here”

“I don’t know what else I can say, I’ve retold my story thousands of times” 

“Let’s start from the beginning” The short girl smiled softly, encouraged by the small victory “Tell us your side of the story”

“Fine, but promise me that if this is hopeless you’ll stop wasting your time” Lapis nodded firmly holding her eyes when Peridot was incapable of making a promise she may not be able to fulfill. “That night I took the bus to get back from my part time job at my University’s library. As usual, I got off at ten and the ride back must have been about forty-five minutes, so I was at home at around eleven.  
“When I entered my house, I was so tired after a full day of classes and work that for a second nothing weird registered, until I heard a window closing shut; it was winter, and the heating was very expensive so we never open them. I went to tell Skinny to be mindful of the heating bill and I found her… she looked so pale, she was looking in my direction but there was nothing there. Oh God I’ll never forget that” The last sentence was utter in a muffled whisper while she covered her face with her hands and shook slightly.

“It’s OK, we can take a break”

Amethyst didn’t seem to listen and just continued on after a few moments “I took her hand… I used to love her hands when we were kids; they were… they were soft, long and slender, pianist hands so different from mine. Anyways, I checked her pulse and… there was nothing” The short Latina couldn’t take it anymore and started bawling her eyes out with such sorrow that the two students in front of her were left too stunned to do something, even if they had known what. “I just hugged her, held her for so long until the cops came. Didn’t even noticed I had blood all over me until they took me. I’ve been with them ever since”

“We are so sorry you had to go through that” Peridot tried calming the woman while a very shaky Lapis offered her a water bottle.

“Thanks guys” Amethyst said after calming down enough to be able to talk. Taking sips of water seemed to help.

“We can come back another time and then continue with the interview,” Lazuli suggested, not trusting the stability of either person in the room. The story had clearly not only affected the woman in front of her.

“No, continue asking questions. I don’t want to relive this more than I have to”

“OK, but remember that at any point we can stop and continue some other time” Talking evenly for the blonde was getting harder by the minute. She decided to start with something lighter “You said you were coming back from school, what’s the name of your university?”

“ECU, mathematics major”

“We are from Empire City University too” A small smile came to both women “Mathematics’ library is in west campus, correct?”

“Yeah, it’s a bitch to get there but I liked it.” A dreamy expression overtook her eyes, remembering from what looked like a long time ago but couldn’t have been more than a year. “Skinny always said that I could be better than her, that I could study and have a life. To be honest, I just wanted to be the female version of Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park.”

Everybody chuckled and the atmosphere in the room got a little less tense. Lapis took that opportunity to keep asking questions. “Do you have any family or friends that would be willing to talk to us?”

“My family was Skinny, I have other cousins but they’re all still in the bis so I don’t think so. And friends, you can ask Garnet about that”

“Do you have anything else you would like to point out? Anything out of the ordinary?”

“Well, the police are saying that I planned killing my cousin and tried to make it look like a robbery because I didn’t want to keep paying for her. Right?” To put it bluntly, yes, that was what they were saying, but again, only Lapis was capable of nodding “Then, why didn’t I do a better job of staging it like a robbery? I lost track of time when I was…holding Skinny but it must have been a while.” At that, Peridot started taking notes frantically while her partner kept eye contact with their client. “And second, yes it is true that Skinny was unemployed for some time before all this mess and yes, I complained about it but why would I kill her right after she got a waitressing job?” 

“We will definitely look into those facts Ms. Méndez” Despite Lapis’ reassurance and the shorter girl’s smile, Amethyst still looked desperate for them to believe her. She didn’t press the subject further though.

Peridot checked her phone and realized that they only had a few minutes left before their hour was up. “Ms. Méndez, I’m afraid out time is running out but we will look into…” she stopped midsentence when she noticed that the woman had all her attention fixed on her phone. “Is everything OK?”

“You’re Pearl’s sister, aren’t you?” Suddenly her client was smiling brightly. “Garnet hasn’t given up after all”

“I’m sorry, what?” The blonde was taken aback by Ms. Méndez suddenly knowing her sister’s name. She briefly looked at Lapis who looked just as surprised and the most interested she’s ever seen her.

“Your phone’s cover picture, that’s where I had seen you before, Pearl has the same photo of you two as her cover” Peridot knew she was right, neither of them were very photogenic but that picture taken after she had graduated high school showed the two sisters beaming at the camera. It had been a few years already and they still hadn’t taken another one that could compare.

“How do you know her?” She asked still dumbfounded.

“Dude, I’ve been best friends with her and Garnet since I was in junior year high school. I introduced to Sheena”

“That’s impossible, how didn’t I know about this? We tell each other everything” Amethyst must have been lying, that was the only explanation.

“Well, your mom didn’t like me at all and kinda forbade Pearl from seeing me. I guess she didn’t tell you to avoid causing problems” At that both women lowered their head, one with a hint of shame and the other totally stricken. “Thanks for helping, I’ve heard a lot about you when Pearl comes to visit twice a month, if only a quarter of what she tells me is true then I’m in good hands”

“Don’t mention it” As if on cue, the guard entered to tell them their time was up. Peridot thanked every deity she didn’t believe in for that, she could feel her breathing getting faster and shallower. _You need to hold on a little longer._

“Thank you Ms. Méndez, we’ll be in contact. Let us know if you remember something that could be useful” Lapis sensing her partner’s uneasiness handled all the finishing details of the meeting.

Peridot couldn’t manage to get to their car; she slumped on the side of the door and tried in vain to get her breathing under control. She felt dizzy and lightheaded, her hands were shaking. But the worst thing of all was the pressure on her chest, that crippling fear that just grabbed her and wouldn’t stop; cold fingers seemed to trace her sternum preventing her from getting enough air into her lungs. Vaguely, she could hear a voice, far away, trying to talk to her but the sound of her own heart, beating too fast for its own good, wouldn’t let her make out the words.

Suddenly, she felt warm again; the blonde could feel a new pressure in her body, a welcome one this time and she started to feel better little by little. After a few moments her breathing went back to normal and the sobbing (that she hadn’t even realized about) died down. Lapis Lazuli was actually hugging her, whispering soothing things in her ear and petting her unruly hair. Peridot became acutely aware that she was holding on to her jacket for dear life and slowly released her iron grip on her.

“Are you feeling better?” The blue haired girl asked, reluctantly letting go of her partner.

“Yes, thank you for comforting me” The short girl felt so embarrassed that she couldn’t look at her in the eyes “I’m sorry for causing a scene.”

“Hey, look at me” Said Lapis gently lifting her head so that their faces were leveled. “You have nothing to apologize for, you hear me? What happened in there was pretty intense so don’t worry about it”

“No kidding, that was even more intense than the color war” Mutter the shortsighted girl self-deprecatingly.

“What did you just say?” Lazuli asked amused, shaking her partner a little with her arm that was still wrapped around Peridot’s shoulders. The young law student blushed intensely and regretted what she had said.

“It’s nothing, just a silly reference…”

“To Camp Pining Hearts” The blonde looked up startle that the tan girl actually knew what she was talking about, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away after seeing the first genuine smile on her partner’s face. It was breathtaking, and not in the bad way “I binged that show this summer, it’s so good”

“Really?! Oh my God, it’s my favorite show” Peridot couldn’t help but return the smile excitedly; Lapis actually didn’t think she was a nerd… or at least didn’t think that was bad. “Wait, you binged it? There are nine seasons, twenty-two episodes each plus movies”

“Yeah, I’m fast I guess.” The smile on the blue haired girl faded and instead her expression settled into her usual smirk “I think that Paulette and Percy are so annoying”

For a moment Peridot wondered why the sudden change but she quickly forgot about it after hearing what the other girl said “Yes! Percy and Pierre are obviously meant for each other, there’s so much subtext!”

“I like them together too but wow, you are really into it, huh. Tell me, what would I see if I were to find your Tumblr?” The blonde blushed again and open her mouth uselessly a couple of times trying to find an answer “I’ll take that as a ‘don’t ever go looking for that in the dark corners of the internet’”

“That would be wise” 

They stayed silent for a bit longer until Lapis suggested they should probably get back to the school. After getting into the car, Peridot felt like she probably owed an explanation to the girl who had comforted her and taken her mind out of her intrusive thoughts.

“I’ve known Garnet, I mean Professor Lovegood, since I was three years old. She was bullied by a girl in kindergarten and my sister defended her with a stick; they’ve been friends ever since. She’s basically part of the family. Hell, I even remember that on Pearl’s eleventh birthday she ate so much cake that she threw up in my backyard” Lapis seemed surprised when Peridot started talking but didn’t interrupt the blonde, she couldn’t deny that she was curious. “I wasn’t sure about taking the clinic, if anyone knew then I would just be that person that has connections in law school and uses them to get better grades. But I always feel like I have to take the most difficult classes or otherwise I’m not good enough to be here; so I talked to Garnet and she said that she wouldn’t tell anybody or give me any special treatment and I just took the course.  
“But she lied, didn’t she? If I weren’t Pearl’s sister she would have never given me this case. And now I cannot fail because this case is so much more important, how will I look at Garnet or Pearl in the eye if I get their best friend convicted?” _I can’t fail, I can’t fail, I can’t fail._

“Hey, I’m here too and I won’t let us fail” Lapis tried to reassured her while still keeping an eye on the road “And even if we do, you don’t owe them anything; sending you in there without even giving you a heads up was a dick move.”

“You know what’s the worst thing? I thought my sister and I told each other everything but that wasn’t true. She doesn’t trust me, she’s kept that secret for years” Peridot felt like crying again until she sensed a comforting hand on her knee. 

“People keep secrets from one another, doesn’t mean they don’t love each other”

“I guess you’re right”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thanks to everyone for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos. You guys are amazing.  
> Let me know what you think, here or in my tumblr youngclosetedlesbian


	4. Dancers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm delivering some well deserved fluff after the bomb.

Lapis Lazuli was a woman on a mission; no one could stop her wrath, not even her rational side that was sending warning alarms that she didn’t even have to put an effort to ignore. She couldn’t help but enjoy feeling again, the anger before an injustice, the rush of taking action, and the thrill of the impending confrontation; that was the reason she started studying law in the first place. The blue haired girl knew it was only temporary, that the high would fade rapidly and would left her empty again, but she didn’t care, not right now, not until she took as much as she could get.

Her blue Converse squeaked softly while she speed walked down the hallways of her school, looking for the right door. There was a possibility that after she did what she was going to do she would get expelled, it didn’t matter though, it would all be worth it. Lapis stood in front of the office and walked in, not bothering to knock.

“Professor Garnet Lovegood, could I have a word with you?” Her voice was commanding, as was her stance. The law student approached the desk of the woman in front of her and slammed her hands on the surface while leaning in. 

Professor Lovegood had snapped her head up, clearly startle by the abrupt entry to her office but by the time her student had approached her, her face showed clear signs of outrage “Ms. Lazuli, what is the meaning of this?”

“I could ask you the same question professor, what were you intending when you assigned Green and I the Méndez case?” The two women were staring intently at each other, neither backing down an inch. Lapis still held her head high, even when the imposing professor stood up, at least a full foot taller than her.

“You have no right to barge into my office and demand explanations on how I conduct my class. You are out of line Ms. Lazuli, and I’m afraid that if you do not apologize and leave my office right now, I will be taking this situation to the disciplinary board for its review” The blue haired girl smiled, she was actually waiting for that opening.

“I think that’s an excellent idea, you could also explain them while you’re at it why are you using a clinical course to get your students’ help on a personal case and specially assign said case to a student connected with the accused without even telling her about it. What do you think they would say about that?” Lapis’ voice was sugary sweet and never waiver at any point. Garnet’s face was stoic as always, but the rage underneath seemed to have vanished from sight.

“Why don’t you take a seat Ms. Lazuli?” 

“With pleasure” Smile getting bigger.

“How did Peridot found out about my connection with Amethyst?” The professor removed her glasses and rubbed her eyes tiredly, for some reason that only anger Lapis even more.

“Now we are on first name basis, huh? No fucking point on pretending anymore I guess” The sugary voice was gone, only the righteous anger remained “We were doing what YOU told us to do, we were investigating. We went to the Federal Penitentiary and talked to AMETHYST, she thought you had given up on her until she realized Peridot was your friend’s sister” At that time the student left all pretense of civility and got to her feet again, pointing a finger at the professor’s face “Do you know what it did to Peridot? Did you even considered the pressure she would feel after she found out? Maybe you just don’t care, but let me tell you either way, I had to be there when she had a panic attack, I had to hold her until she could breath properly, I had to console her and tell her everything was going to be alright, just because someone she considered a sister didn’t have the guts to tell her she was being used.”

When she was finished, Lapis was breathing hard and all her initial energy was starting to drain, she no longer felt the intense need to put someone in their place and so the edges of apathy were starting to creep back up. _Not now, just a little longer_

Professor Lovegood looked at the floor and for a moment she actually seemed ashamed, but when she looked back up her face was as stoic as always. “You are right Ms. Lazuli” for the blue haired girl that admission of guilt was unexpected, she had thought of all the ways the professor would try to justify her actions but never this, it was too easy “What I did was indefensible and I can only hope that Ms. Green will forgive me someday. I completely understand if you would like to change courses or let the school authorities know about this.”

“Ha, I didn’t come here looking for a chance to get away or to punish you. No, believe me, despite the stunt you pulled, Peridot is very much invested in this case and I am too”

“Then why did you come here then?” Garnet seemed genuinely confused with this.

_Because I’m selfish_ “Because I’m Peridot’s partner and it’s part of my job to make sure nobody takes advantage of her. You better talk to her” At that, the professor simply raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

“I was going to talk to her privately, but I honestly didn’t think you two would go to visit Amethyst the day after you got your assignment” She sighed shaking her head “Thank you for working hard on this case, I’m sure you realize how much this means to me”

“I’m personally not doing this as a favor to you” Lapis again couldn’t care less about what her professor could think of her “and I won’t treat this differently either, if it turns out that she’s guilty I’ll drop the case faster than a hot potato.”

“That’s all I’m asking.” Garnet looked relieved for a moment, but when she looked at Lapis all the blue haired girl could see was a deep exhaustion. “I wasn’t lying when I told you that I had lost objectivity. People at my law firm wouldn’t talk me anymore after a year of neglecting everything for this case; I’ve spent so much time in this that I’m not seeing anything new. I needed, and still do, a fresh pair of eyes to have a new perspective. And I know you two are the best” 

“Save it, just talk to Peridot” And without another word, Lapis Lazuli exited the office without looking back. That was it, the high was gone and, like a junkie, she needed to get another fix soon. She knew only one person that could help her with that and almost subconsciously started to look for her. She found Peridot where she knew she would be, sitting on the cafeteria, reading a textbook bigger than her face and sipping on a cup of tea. She knew she should turn around and leave but Lapis didn’t want to. _I’m not a good person_

“Hello Peridot” Lapis said startling the other girl. The blonde smiled at her when she realized who the person was, and the blue haired girl returned it “What are you up to?”

“Hi Lazuli! Nothing much, just keeping up with my readings for Antitrust” The little nerd closed her book and focused all her attention on her partner “What about you? Have you done anything interesting today?”

“Yeah, about that… There’s something you should probably know” Lapis just scramble in her brain for the correct way of letting Peridot know that she had gone to their professor to give her a piece of her mind on her behalf. She may not have been very polite about the whole affair “I went to talk to…” 

The taller girl didn’t get to tell her, admittedly reluctant, story when Yvonne Zircon came running towards their table. Her pale face was flushed and her short blonde hair was messy, sticking out in weird angles, her blouse was a little disheveled and her hands were nervously fidgeting with a small green wildflower. “Dot, I can’t do it. I’m a coward and I’m scared. I just want to go home and hide my face under the covers for all eternity”

“You really are all talk and no action, Zircon” Lapis half smiled, arching an eyebrow, looking with disinterest at Yvonne. The blonde girl, who had just noticed the presence of someone else there, tried to regain composure standing tall and fixing her clothing.

“Sweetheart, despite the awesomeness of my talk, my action is what I’m known for” The charade was somewhat convincing to the casual observer, but it was clear to anyone who had met Yvonne Zircon even just in passing that her sass game was weak.

“Call me sweetheart again and that’ll be the last talk you’ll ever do” Lapis kept her demeanor all the same, but it made a chill run down the tall girl’s spine nonetheless.

“Zircon! Here she comes, it’s now or never” Peridot cut the exchange swiftly pointing at the entrance of the cafeteria. Beth Zircon walked in chatting cheerfully with Buck Dewey, and by the way Yvonne was looking at her, anyone would have thought that she was the most beautiful woman that existed. She was just as tall as her namesake, with chocolate brown eyes that wrinkled every time she laughed, tan skin slightly darker than Lapis’ that contrasted with the purple bags under her eyes and black hair tied up in a low ponytail hanging on her shoulder. Her side bangs covered her face from time to time, which had made her develop the habit of swiping her hand over her hair even when there wasn’t any hair there. Nothing remarkable stood out to Lapis, not her jeans or plain white t-shirt, but the usually cocky girl next to her had enough interest for the whole world.

“I think I’m going with never, if you’ll excuse me” And just when she was preparing to make a run for it, Beth caught sight of her and called her name.

“Hey! Pretentious name thief, haven’t seen you in a while. How are you?” Beth’s smile was even bigger now that she was jogging to catch up with her before she could leave. Yvonne turned around cringing at being caught before she could make her scape.

“Pretentious name thief? You can come up with a better name to call me, something that describes how amazing I am yet makes fun of how much I know it is true” Despite everything it was too easy for the blonde to slip back into bantering mode.

“I have always thought that you are the reincarnation of Bonnie Parker but you would need a Clyde for that, wouldn’t you?” The smile already present in her face turned cocky when she could spot a light blush in her friend’s face.

“Are you submitting your application for the position?” Despite the self-assured tone of voice that Yvonne used, she couldn’t quite look at her in the eyes all the while fidgeting with the flower on her hand.

“Maybe” It was Beth’s turn to blush now, who immediately got flustered and change the subject “What do you have there?” Asked pointing at the somewhat ragged flower.

“Oh, it’s just a flower I found on the way here and I thought it was pretty. Do you want it?” Yvonne looked down and all pretense of coolness went out the window, in a second she was just a kid giving a flower to her first crush. Beth was also a blushing mess who carefully took the green blossom and held it like it was the most fragile thing in the world “Would you like to go out tonight?” The words were so unexpected and poorly enunciated that they surprised the brunette and it took her a few seconds to process; by that time, the girl in front of her had panicked and had started talking again “Yeah, you know, me, Peridot and Lapis over here were thinking about going to this bar, no big deal, you could join if you want”

“No, we’re…” Lapis had started but stopped when she felt a kick to her shin.

“Oh, hi guys” Beth looked at them, realizing that they were sitting next to them for the first time. She seemed a little sad but recovered quickly “Sure that sounds like fun. Buck, would you like to come too?”

Buck, who was nearly forgotten by everyone else and had been seeing the scene unfold from the sides, spoke with his usual monotone “Sound like a good opportunity to enjoy ironically the mundane pleasures of alcohol”

“I’ll take that as a sarcastic yes” Beth said turning to her friend in front of her “Text me the details then. See you guys tonight!”

After both of them had left, Peridot not so subtly face palmed while a very annoyed Lapis watched as Yvonne slowly sat down on the free chair.

“Way to chicken out, Zircon” Lapis had lost all patience on the matter and, given that her little chat with Peridot had been ruined, didn’t see the point on staying much longer “Don’t fucking count me in on your half assed plans to back out of asking her out, I’m not going drinking with you tonight”

As she was standing up Yvonne spoke up again “Please you have to come, otherwise it’ll be just me, Beth and Buck” she spewed that name as if it were poison “I would be really weird without at least you, Dot”

Peridot sighted and looked at Lapis pleadingly “Come with us tonight, please Lazuli. I don’t want to be a third wheel and I’ve never spoken with Buck before. I promise you it’ll be fun and we’ll leave whenever you fell like it”

The blue haired girl just stared at her, battling inside, she truly wasn’t looking forward to an evening with two idiots who were clearly in love but too afraid to say it, and a guy who probably thought that watching Evangelion was edgy. And yet, here she was again like in that first day of clinics when she was unable to say no to those green eyes. _Lazuli, at some point you are going to have to get a grip on yourself_ That day was not today though. “Fine, text me a time and place” 

Peridot smiled broadly at this and Lapis just sprinted before her partner could rope her into something like entering a couple’s cosplay contest. 

********

It was still warm during the day but a cold breeze during the evening reminded everyone that fall was upon them. Lapis was going through her closet trying to find an outfit that was clean (a really difficult task to begin with), was going to keep her warm enough on her way there, and was flattering enough for her body. Needless to say, she was getting increasingly frustrated with her results. When was the last time she had bought new clothes? Her mom had given her that ugly red sweater for her birthday but that didn’t count, she couldn’t remember; and for that matter, when was the last time she had actually wanted to dress up for something? 

With a resigned sigh, the blue haired girl just picked her reliable black leggings, a denim shirt with two buttons popped open that just teased at a cleavage and a leather jacket. Not the classiest outfit but it would do the job. As she headed to the bar Zircon had picked, she couldn’t help but admire the ballsy move Peridot’s friend had pulled by inviting everyone to the local lesbian bar; with only one precise choice she had ensured that Buck would feel uncomfortable, probably going home early, and maybe make her intentions a little more explicit. That only left the problem of what the hell were she and Peridot supposed to do.

The bar “The Flannel” was a well-lit, spacious bar, with reasonable prices and a dance floor that didn’t have anybody on it until after twelve o’clock. She spotted her partner sitting by herself on the bar, nursing a black drink that if Lapis had to bet she would have said that it was just Coke, while the red haired bartender tried to strike a conversation with her. The tall girl placed a…possessive? _Is that what I’m doing?_ hand on the smaller girl’s shoulder who smiled brightly when she saw her.

“Hi Lazuli! You actually came!” Peridot seemed relieved beyond words by seeing her there. 

“Of course I’m here, I told you I would” There was no way she wouldn’t show up, it was already alarming how easy it was for the blonde to make Lapis do anything. Addressing the bartender coldly she said. “I want a gin and tonic, no lemon please” the redhead nodded swiftly, intimidated by her costumer. “When did you get here?”

“About forty-five minutes ago” Peridot looked down embarrassed and uncomfortable “I got here fifteen minutes early and I’ve been here ever since”

“Peridot, nobody ever shows up on time for this kind of thing, it’s an unspoken rule”

“I know, but I didn’t want to be late and leave you alone here by yourself” And the warm feeling in Lapis’ chest grew once more “Did you know that this is a gay bar?”

“Yes, I’ve been here a couple of times. You didn’t?” Ok, this was actually something she hadn’t considered before, could Peridot be straight? 

“No, I just realized it when I got here”

“Seriously, what is up with people not telling you important information before sending you somewhere? Do I have to talk to Zircon too?” Lapis just huffed giving the bar tender another little scare when she handed her the drink.

“What do you mean by too?” Peridot looked at her suspiciously while the girl in front of her remembered that she hadn’t actually gotten around to tell her that story.

“Yes, about that. I may have gone into professor Lovegood’s office and yelled at her for not telling you about her relationship with Ms. Méndez. She’s going to apologize to you”

“You did WHAT?” Thankfully, Yvonne Zircon had a great sense of timing because she stepped in saving Lapis from having to explain herself to her partner. Not that she could have.

“Hey everybody! How are we tonight?” Behind her Beth and Buck were walking, the boy looking cool as always while the brunette looked decidedly out of place. “Is that alcohol? I need some.” asked Yvonne pointing at Lazuli’s glass.

“Don’t test your luck, Zircon” The blue haired girl warned before the blonde could take her glass.

“Right, bartender! Can I have a mojito, please?” She was being even more loud and obnoxious than normal, but Lapis could see the slight trembling of her hand when asking for her drink. “Do you guys want something?”

“I’m good Yvonne, thanks” The lack of sarcastic retort made the taller blonde flinch but didn’t want to show it. After ordering Buck’s drink, she downed a big gulp of her cocktail and approached Beth again “Let’s get this party started, come dance with me!”

“WHAT?!? You must be kidding I don’t know how to dance and there’s nobody on the dance floor” The brunette slowly started to back off until a firm grip got ahold of her hands; an oddly raw voice came out of her friend’s mouth when she spoke.

“I can teach you, I can show you a lot of things, but you have to trust me.” Her eyes never waivered from the browns in front of her, there was such intimacy in that look that it made everyone around them very uncomfortable, like they were intruding in a private moment, not meant for stranger’s eyes. _Get a room already._ “Do you want to be my partner?”

“…Yes” It was so soft that not even Yvonne heard it, but the spell the two had was so strong that there was no need to; they just walked hand in hand to the center of the room.

That left the three of them awkwardly trying not to look at each other after that display of unmitigated affection. Buck, on the one side, was nodding along with the music while the redhead bartender started to chat with him; Lapis could hear snippets of their conversation about the merits of Tarkovsky’s films. So that left her, surprisingly, alone with her partner nursing a Coke glass and looking directly at her shoes.

“Do you want to leave? Those two don’t seem like they need any more help and Buck is having fun being a hipster” 

“That’s alright, I can have fun” Peridot looked nervously around her, she wasn’t confortable but looked like she was making an effort to understand the appeal of this place “Do you think my mom could find out that I was here?”

“I’m assuming your mom doesn’t have many gay friends living in this area?” The blonde shook her head in negation and Lapis grabbed her shoulder in what she hoped was a reassuring grip “Then you have nothing to worry about, even if she were to walk though those doors she would have a lot more to explain to your dad than you”

“Wow thanks, that’s oddly uplifting if a little cringy.” Peridot chuckled “Your advice for life is always a mix of good intentions wrapped around a thick bluntness that’s refreshing” 

“Don’t get use to it, I tend to give terrible advice.”

“So far so good, at least you got me to feel better.”

“I repeat, don’t get too confortable. I once ‘advised’ a friend during high school that she should shoplift a lipstick to impress her asshole ex boyfriend. Needless to say she got caught and never spoke to me again”

“That was in high school Lazuli, give yourself a break”

“I’m not a good person, you should stay away” Lapis’ usual monotone and wink at Peridot softened somewhat the very explicit warning that her weak sense of morality could give her; she didn’t really want her partner to take her up on her words but it was only fair to give her a heads up. When the shorter girl actually mulled over the words the blue haired girl panicked and revealed a secret that she kept close to her heart to shift focus “I was also going through and emo phase at the time, it was cool to reveal against the Man” 

“Oh my God Lazuli, I bet you spent more money on mascara during those years than in anything else ever since” Peridot seemed to let go of her concerns to focus on the entertaining tidbit she just learnt, but Lapis could still see some apprehension in her eyes.

“If you count my car…still more on mascara. My Chemical Romance and Linking Park were my best friends all through high school” The taller girl could really feel the way her dignity was floating away, not a hope to get it back, ever. “Did you ever had a rebellious stage during your teenage years?”

“Not really, I was always the nerd/goodie-two-shoes that was the proud teacher’s pet. Basically a walking talking stereotype” Embarrassment was plain to see in Peridot’s face.

“Do you actually think I wasn’t a stereotype?”

“At least yours was way cooler”

“The bleeding soul gets boring after a while”

“Maybe you are right, but I bet you had suitors lining up for you” Was that flirting? Was this little bundle of nerves capable of flirting?

“A few maybe” That was a gross understatement, Lapis was very much aware that she was conventionally attractive and there is something about the narrative some people create surrounding the bad boys and girls that just makes them more desirable. There was never a lack of date offers for the blue haired girl to pick from “But my dance moves were a lot more effective. Let me show you”

After finishing the last gulp of her drink, or how Lapis liked to call it the ‘Shut The Fuck Up Common Sense’, she extended a hand to her friend totally expecting a rejection. Peridot seemed to hesitate a minute until she looked deeply into her partner’s eyes, looking for something, in a way that made Lazuli squirm. Apparently she found it and proceeded to gingerly take her hand and be guided to the dance floor.

They passed the Zircons laughing together as Beth seemed incapable of making her limbs move in a coordinated manner and Yvonne was showing her the cheesiest dance moves that you would expect to come from a drunk dad on thanksgiving. Neither seemed to care about the multiple people who were watching them with amusement. The music wasn’t remarkable but it wasn’t bad either, it consisted of catchy pop songs that you could dance to. Lapis got really close to her friend and semi-shouted in her ear, ignoring the deep blush on the blonde’s face and her own slight lurch of her stomach.

“Just follow my lead” After Peridot could only nod, Lazuli started moving her hips to the music’s rhythm, enjoying how flustered the short girl in front of her got. Peridot wasn’t a good dancer, but she wasn’t the worst Lapis had seen by a long shot; she took the blonde’s hands and guided her through the song. When the bespectacled girl seemed to pick the flow of the music she let go of her hands and instead lightly grazed her partner’s hips with her fingertips. At some point during the song everybody else vanished, they were just the only people in the room, flushed and a little embarrassed, but excited nonetheless. They were very close to each other, Lapis had long lost count of the points of contact between the two of them and the slow graze of her fingers had become a soft but firm grip on Peridot’s hips, who, in turn, had taken ahold of her neck. 

When the song ended their faces were so close that they could feel each other’s breaths. They stayed like that for a few moments that felt like an eternity to them, the spell only being broken by the sound of the door opening. Lapis looked at the source of the sound and when she saw the familiar face of Jasper walking in, there was only one thought on her mind

_I have to leave now_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always let me know what you think, I will be in my corner trying not to cry about Lapidot


	5. Distant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New early chapter to make up for missing the last update. Enjoy!

The ceiling hadn’t changed in three days. It had been the same faded yellow color for three days, and yet Peridot couldn’t seem to be able to stop staring at it. Her black and green fidget cube in one hand with her earplugs blasting country music did not help calm her. She was scared, thinking back to every interaction she had with her; where did she go wrong? How did she offend her? They were so close for a second and the next there was nothing.

Lapis Lazuli hadn’t shown any signs life in three days.

Thinking back to that night at The Flannel felt like a lifetime ago. The banter had felt good, natural and the dancing was… hot. Peridot may be coward but she wasn’t the kind of person to live in denial, she definitely had a crush on her partner. Looking back to it, she should have seen it coming, the way her cheeks colored with the most fleeting of attentions, how she admired her every time she had to show confidence, the way her eyes sparked just for a little bit when Peridot managed to get to her. And for a moment, the blonde knew that the blue haired girl was interested too; there was no other possible explanation for how intimate that night at the bar had felt. But she must have done something wrong.

Lapis Lazuli hadn’t texted back in three day.

Peridot was at a loss; she couldn’t have been that wrong with her assessment of her partner’s actions, but something told her she wasn’t. The way the blue haired girl looked at her, the fact that she only made an effort to spend time with her, and that even her cold façade faded away when consoling her had to mean something. Suddenly, just when Peridot was about to wallow in self-pity for the millionth time, somebody knocked on the door. The blonde got up from her bed faster than ever before and opened the door with her heart on her sleeve, ready to apologize for who knows what.

Lapis Lazuli wasn’t on the door when she opened it.

Instead, she was greeted by a large figure in front of her, her frame was draped in a long stylized coat and her face was hidden by two big sunglasses. Normally, any other person would have been terrified at the sight in front of them but Peridot was already used to the ominous way her sister’s best friend had when dropping by her house. Despite being happy to see Garnet in a less formal context, she couldn’t help to feel disappointment when she didn’t see messy blue hair and tired eyes in front of her.

“Is this a bad time?” Garnet, always sensitive to the mood of any situation, was instantly aware that the blonde was hoping for somebody else.

“Not really Garnet, I thought… never mind. Please come in, would you like some tea?” Peridot stepped aside and moved to the little “kitchen area” of her dorm room that was composed of a water heater and a microwave.

“I’m assuming you don’t have coffee, do you?” The dark skinned woman chuckled after the blonde had shaken her head. “It was a matter of time before Pearl got to you too, I think I’m the last woman standing”

“Does Amethyst drink coffee too?” The words came out without the young student even thinking about them; they were colder than she expected but the whole Lazuli affair wasn’t doing any wonders for her regards to other people.

“No” Said Garnet with a defeated sigh after a moment of hesitation. She took off her coat and sat on Peridot’s bed before continuing “No, she stopped after Pearl pestered her enough but she never really got on board with tea either” At that time the professor smiled wistfully, eyes lost in memory. “She would always ask for hot chocolate, which had the bonus of also driving your sister mad”

The student brought them some green tea and sat down next to Garnet in her bed, black leaned against the wall. They spent a few minutes in silence until Peridot spoke again. “I’m sorry I lashed out, I know it must be hard for you to have a close friend in that situation” 

“In all honesty, I deserved it. I came here to apologize for not giving you a chance to decide if you wanted to take this case” At that moment the professor took off her glasses and sat crisscross facing Peridot, an ashamed and sincere expression on her face “I was scared you would say no, and then there would be no one that I could trust this case to. I’m sorry”

“It’s wasn’t much, don’t worry abou…” 

“No, don’t say that.” Garnet’s voice, firm but tender, made the short girl snap the head back up “Peridot, you know I love you like a sister; I’ve seen you grow up, I helped you when you used to fall trying to learn how to ride a bike, I never even told your mother that your were the one that broke the front window when you were eleven. But no one, not even me, has the right to use you and make you feel the way I did.”

There was a pause until Peridot decided what she was going to say. “I’m still a little hurt, but I’ll be alright. I love you too, after all”

“That’s better. I know you’re scared of driving people away but don’t keep everything inside, those who love you will understand” The professor took her hand, just like she did when the blonde girl’s mom would yell at her for getting her dress dirty “And no matter what happens in the case, I will always be here for you”

“Thank you” Peridot was crying again and all she could do was hug her almost sister, feeling like a weight had been lifted. She knew there was still a lot of anxiety over everything going on but she felt better.

“You have nothing to thank me for” After a few moments they separated and awkwardly looked down, the short girl fidgeted with her already cold tea waiting for the part of the conversation that she was dreading “Have you talked to Pearl?”

“No, I haven’t”

“Has she called you?” Garnet said frowning.

“Yes” Peridot glanced at the phone resting on her nightstand; she had twenty-seven missed calls from her sister. If Pearl Green was something it was persistent… and incredibly annoying. “But I’m not ready to talk to her just yet”

“I understand. For what is worth, we were planning on telling you everything together but you and Ms. Lazuli got ahead of ourselves” The tall woman smiled and decided to change the subject as not to pressure Peridot “Your partner has some very strong opinions about this whole situation”

“Yeah, she’s something else” A trouble expression took over Peridot’s face while she thought for a few seconds. When she realized that she was lost in thought for longer than socially accepted, her pale cheeks turned pink.

“I’m glad you two cared about each other” Garnet said with an understanding smile that made her student feel even more self-conscious “But be sure to tell her that if she ever barges into my office like that again, I won’t be as forgiving”

“I’ll tell her tomorrow in your class, I guess” 

“Is everything OK?” 

“Nothing you have to worry about” Peridot wasn’t particularly inclined to come out to her almost sister right after their heart to heart conversation.

“OK, just remember what we talked and you’ll be fine” The dark skinned woman stood up, took her coat and finished what remained of her cold coffee in one gulp before heading to the door. When she was there, she turned around and hugged Peridot once more. “Let’s go to the movies next week, I’m buying”

“You better, I’m just a broke graduate student here” And with that Garnet was out the door.

Peridot hadn’t even realized how much the fact that the tall woman hadn’t talked to her about Amethyst was affecting her until the tightness in her chest subsided considerably after her visitor left. She felt a lot more confident and lighter than in days prior. Sure, the short girl was still hurt, and time was the only thing that could take that away, but she felt better, she was going to be better.

With that newfound confidence, Peridot decided to walk out of her dorm to talk to Lapis. Garnet was always talking about communication and stuff, how relationships need work and other things that would have been very sappy if they came out of literally anyone else in the planet; but that was Garnet’s gift, she was so cool that everything she did or said had the same quality.

When she got to the central campus, the blonde realized a huge flaw in her master plan; she had no idea where Lazuli lived or what classes was she taking besides the clinic. So she just settled for sitting in the cafeteria where she always saw Lapis, hoping she would pass by at some point. She waited for two hours until Yvonne came and sat beside her with a pile of books in her arms.

“Hey Dot! You all right? Haven’t seen you in a while” Zircon had gone back to her annoying self after Buck had gotten a date with the bisexual bartender from the bar a few days ago.

“Why does everyone keep asking me if I’m OK? And don’t call me Dot” Peridot’s mood had definitely soured after seeing no signs of the blue haired girl anywhere; at this point all she wanted to do was go back to her room and stare at the ceiling.

“Probably because your face is very expressive and looks like a meme” Yvonne said without missing a beat, but then her face softened a little “And personally because I haven’t heard from you in three days, after that blue demon just ran out on you”

“Yeah, about that” The smaller blonde fidgeted with her phone not looking directly into her friend’s eyes “I’m sorry I ruined you night with Beth, you really didn’t have to drive me home” 

“Yes, I had. It was late and you had this dumbfounded face that screamed ‘take advantage of me!’” Peridot had a theory that Zircon was incapable of saying something nice without undercutting it with some sarcasm for good measure “And besides, you didn’t ruin my night with Beth. I mean, I don’t think I could have gathered the courage to tell her how I feel at some point so I’m just happy we had fun together. That, and the fact that Buck managed to find the only girl that could have been interested in him in the whole fucking bar made the night great.” Yvonne stopped for a moment and then continued. “Seriously, I don’t know how he can be so cool that he managed to get a date in a gay bar” 

“The mysteries of life” Peridot sighted, at least Zircon wasn’t mad at her.

“Look, I know this is none of my business, but you and Lazuli looked awfully close to one another in the dance floor” The shorter blonde’s face went scarlet red and was opening her mouth to deny everything when the girl in front of her interrupted her “I’m not assuming anything, it’s up to you how much you want to tell me, but I thought you may be interested in knowing why you Cinderella escaped before midnight”

“What? How do you know that?” As much as the bespectacled girl wanted to know this precise piece of information, it was very suspicious that Yvonne just so happened to have it. 

“I’ve told you a million times, I’m observant”

“Zircon” A small warning seeped into her voice, Peridot was getting impatient.

“Fine, once the music died down, Beth may have pointed out that you were dancing on the other corner of the room and I just so happen to look in that direction when it seemed like you were going to kiss.” The blonde girl didn’t know that it was humanly possible to get any redder but somehow she managed “Don’t worry, no judgment here, I kind of ship you guys. But anyway, I also happen to see why Lazuli left; while you still had you head-over-heels face on, your girl looked back and saw a large woman entering the bar and you know the rest”

“So, she left with that woman?” a punch to her stomach would have hurt less than that.

“God you’re thick sometimes, Dot” Yvonne shook her head and took out a neatly folded piece of paper with an address written on it “No, she was trying to leave without the woman noticing her. I did some digging and got you the woman’s address if you are interested”

“Remind me to never go up against you, you are scary” Peridot hesitated before taking the paper, she knew it was wrong, she knew she shouldn’t do it but curiosity got the best of her _and what if Lapis is in trouble_. Although her motivations were very much split in the middle between selfish and selfless, she took the note.

“I’m the best, being scary is just a side effect” Zircon also didn’t seem sure about relaying the information “The name of the woman is Jasper. Just be careful with whatever you choose to do with that, don’t want you getting hurt.”

“I very much doubt that I’ll get beaten up if I go talk to Ms. Jasper”

“I wasn’t only talking about her” And with that, Zircon left the table, her scarf flapping behind her, leaving before she could regret giving that paper to Peridot.

The decision was hers now, should she go and use the one key she had to unlock at least one of the mysteries behind those dead eyes that intrigued her from day one? Or should she respect her partner’s privacy and let her talk to her on her own time when she feels confortable? Peridot took out her phone and, ignoring the missed phone calls from Pearl, she called Lapis Lazuli one last time. It rang twice before it went to voice mail; the user had clearly hung up on the call. That made up her mind, Peridot gathered all her things and went to take the bus.

Jasper lived downtown; it was about a fifteen-minute ride from the school to the address that Zircon had given her. The apartment complex was nothing out of the ordinary, beige walls surrounded by a fence and a few trees scattered here and there. A doorman sat lazily in the entrance, too busy checking his phone to notice the presence of the short girl.

“Mhmm” Peridot cleared her voice in an attempt catch his attention

“Sorry” The man finally looked up, and spoke with enough enthusiasm to put a whole kindergarten class to sleep “who are you coming to see?”

“I’m here to see Ms. Jasper in apartment 509” 

“Jesus, do you even know her last name?” The doorman laughed contemptuously.

“Excuse me?” There was something about the man’s tone that made her very uncomfortable. 

“Don’t mind me, go ahead and take the elevator to your left” After the blonde said thanks and walked to where he had pointed, she could heard him mutter under his breath “Fucking booty calls, always bothering” Peridot turned beet red for what it felt like the hundredth time that day and slowly made her way to the mysterious woman’s apartment. 

Peridot knocked on the non-descript door, and waited with increasing anxiety for the heavy footsteps to finally open. The woman in front of her was massive; she was at least a foot and a half taller than the blonde, with a wild mane of blonde orange hair, and muscles clearly visible beneath her sports t-shirt. Her face was littered with freckles that somewhat softened her strong facial features. She looked annoyed at being interrupted so suddenly, but flashed a confident smile when she saw Peridot standing in front of her.

“Hey there, what can I do for you?” The voice was low and seductive, and even though the short girl was very much intimidated by the athletic woman she couldn’t deny that she was very much attractive.

“Hello, my name is Peridot Green. I’m looking for Ms. Jasper?” she tried in vain to take the trembling away from her voice.

“That’s me, but please call me Jasper” Again that smile on her lips, despite the awkwardness the blonde felt, she couldn’t help but feel flattered at the beautiful woman flirting with her. 

“Sure, Jasper. I’m sorry to bother you out of the blue but I was hoping you could help me with some information”

“Of course, anything you need”

“Well, do you know anyone named Lapis Lazuli?”

The change in demeanor was instant, the smile dropped from her face faster than a lightning, her hands gripped the door more forcefully, and her gaze looked down at the floor. Her voice was clearly affected when she finally spoke again. “I do, but I don’t really want to talk about it. Good day.” 

Jasper was about to close the door on the short girl face when some stupid impulse drove Peridot to put her foot in between the door to avoid the closing. “Wait, I’m sorry but I’m a friend of Lapis and I’m really worried about her. She hasn’t been answering any of my calls after she spotted you three days ago. I just need to understand.”

The freckled woman hesitated for a while before opening the door all the way, she gestured for Peridot to take a seat in her couch while she went to the kitchen to prepare herself a drink. “Do you want a drink? I really feel like I’m gonna need one right now”

“Water if fine”

“Suit yourself” Jasper sat down after giving Peridot a tall glass of water and chugging a long gulp of a brown liquid. “What do you want to know?”

That was a hard question for the blonde, she couldn’t just say everything, and so she opted for next best thing “Why do you think she ran away after she saw you?”

Jasper chuckled darkly. “Probably because she’s ashamed.” 

“How so?”

“Are you sure you really want to know this? You may not like her after I’m done” Peridot’s curiosity only grew with that statement, she could only nod and wait patiently for the other woman to put her thoughts in order “I met Lapis Lazuli, I think, seven years ago. She was fresh out of high school and while she had shed her emo phase, she still had the disaffected youth, bad girl thing going on. It drove me crazy, at first I just liked her but the more she rejected me, the more infatuated I became. One day, I think I wore her down and she agreed to go on a date” Jasper wasn’t looking at Peridot, but rather moving her glass slowly, remembering with a nostalgic expression something long gone. “It didn’t take long for me to fall in love with her, it really wasn’t very hard, she is very interesting after all, isn’t she?”

“She really is” Peridot answer without thinking and Jasper just smiled sadly again.

“We were together for two years. I tried to make her happy in any way I could, but she was always so cold, distant. Sometimes she wouldn’t try to see me or talk to me for days and I, after a few missed calls, would give up and think that it would be better to just end things.  
“But then, she would show up at my door with take out and a movie and I would just forget everything, how much she hurt me, how I yearned for more, how unsatisfied I was when she just ignored me. I was just too in love with her.  
“That pattern repeated itself for longer than any self-loving person should have to endure, until I got tired and asked her outright if she loved me.” Another sip of her drink was taken and painfully she continued, “I’ll always remember that empty look she gave me, she didn’t need to say anything, I already knew the answer. She left without a good-bye or an apology for breaking my heart. I’m ashamed to admit that I texted her for weeks after, begging her to come back. She never did.”

“I’m sorry that happened between you two” That was the only thing Peridot could say to break the uncomfortable silence that settled after the story. Part of her didn’t want to believe it, but knowing Lazuli, the girl with dead eyes, she could absolutely see it happening.

“It still hurts when I think about it, but not as much”

“Then, why are you telling me this? If you don’t mind me asking” 

Japer finished her drink with one swift gulp and set the empty glass on the table with more force than intended “You have the same lovesick puppy face I used to have. I wish I would have had someone to give me a heads up before everything went to shit.” Jasper stood up and an embarrassed Peridot took that as her cue to leave. “To be honest, I wouldn’t have listened to them even if somebody had tried but maybe you are smarter than me.”

“Thank you for telling me the story.” 

“You’re welcome. And if you decide to try and look for someone else to have a good time, you know where to find me.” The seductive smile was back but admittedly a lot weaker than before; the whole meeting had definitely taken its toll on her.

“Thank you for the offer… I guess” Peridot awkwardly said while exiting her apartment “By the way, your doorman thought I was… visiting for other reasons. I hope that doesn’t create any problems”

“Fucking George, he always has very strong feeling about what I decide to do with my life. Don’t mind him, he’s an asshole” And with one last self-conscious look, the door closed and Peridot was left alone with her thoughts in an unfamiliar hallway.

The ride home was silent; there were a lot of thoughts in her head, mainly questions about Lapis’ behavior. Was the blue haired girl just toying with her? Was the intimacy they had shared in the past few days all an act? Was this disappearing act all part of a pattern that will end up with her just as broken as Jasper? Peridot didn’t know, all she wanted to do was cry; it was too late to try and not have feelings for her partner.

When she finally got to her home, her stomach violently reminded her that she hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast eight hours ago. Quickly cooking some instant ramen, the blonde went back to her bed and stared at the ceiling once more; again it hadn’t changed, but she had, tomorrow Peridot was going to talk to Lapis and clear things out; the uncertainty was killing her and part of her firmly believed that they truly had shared something. At some point Peridot drifted off to sleep, the anxiety knot in her stomach never easing up.

******** 

Clinic was the last class of the day, which was unfortunate because Lazuli had managed to avoid Peridot again and the emotional stability of the young blonde wasn’t getting any better. Zircon had briefly tried to get her to talk about her encounter with Jasper, but her lips were sealed until she could talk to Lapis.

She got to the classroom forty-five minutes before the class started in an attempt to catch Lapis if she were to come early. Sadly, the blue haired girl got to the room only five seconds before Garnet entered not even glancing at her partner when she sat down next to Peridot. The short girl could barely contain the anticipation when being so close to her but not able to talk. 

“Good afternoon everybody” Professor Lovegood looked more tired than usual, she had big bags under her eyes and her voice was a little more forceful. Peridot immediately recognized the signs of stress and braced herself for a harsher class. “I’m sure everyone has had time to review the cases and at least come up with a plan, each pair then will tell me what’s your next move and I will give some feedback; we’ll start with the Davis case.” 

Two of her classmates stood up and started parroting about things that Peridot couldn’t bring herself to care about, all her attention was on her partner sitting mere inches apart, acting as if she didn’t exist. After fidgeting with the hem of her shirt, the blonde finally gave into her impulse.

“Lazuli, can we talk?”

The taller girl didn’t move her head to regard her partner “Don’t think now is a good time”

“That’s fine, but maybe after class?”

“I’m busy after class”

“It will only take a minute”

“Sorry, I have to run”

“For fuck’s sake Lazuli, you can’t just leave me hanging like this” Peridot snapped, raising her voice and interrupting her classmate that was desperately trying to come up with a plan on the fly. Everyone looked at the two of them surprised at the outburst.

“Ms. Green, Ms. Lazuli, if you don’t find my class interesting enough I will have to ask you to leave; sort whatever it is bothering you outside.” Garnet just stood silent waiting for the two girls to leave the room. The blonde felt very ashamed at disappointing her professor right after their conversation the day before but couldn’t focus on that at the time, instead, all her attention was on Lapis Lazuli.

The taller girl’s expression was one of anger, she was definitely not happy about being kicked out of class.

“You got what you fucking wanted Peridot, now I got the whole hour free, let’s talk” Sarcasm and fury were very present in her voice and maybe a hint of nervousness? The blonde was probably imagining that last part.

“I’ve been trying to call you for three days now, after you ran off without a word. You owe me at least an explanation” _Wow_ Peridot hadn’t realized how pissed off she was at the blue haired. Sure she was scared and worried about her too, but having her safe and sound in front of her made the anger take over.

“I don’t owe you anything.” Lapis snarled back at her.

“How can you say that? We shared a moment in the bar, I don’t know about you but it meant something for me. And then you just leave me hanging because you see Jasper and can’t even…”

“How do you know that name?” All trace of emotion was gone from Lapis’ face, all that was left were those cold eyes, looking through her, not disappointed Peridot had experience handling that, but rather gone, as if the light behind them had been put out. All she could think at the moment was _I fucked up_.

“Yvonne gave me the name of the woman you saw and I went to talk to her” Now that she was saying it out loud, the blonde could feel how selfish and wrong what she did was. “I’m sorry”

“Don’t ever talk to me about anything other than the case ever again” And with that the girl with dead eyes left, firmly walking away, snickers softly squeaking in the hallways.

Peridot just stood there for what it felt like a century, not being able to fully process what had just happened. Still under the haze of what felt like a dream, she slowly took out her phone from her backpack and dialed the only number that could bring her any comfort at that time.

“Hi Pearl, can I come over this weekend?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said on my Tumblr, I'm very sorry that I didn't post last week but law school came back with vengeance and I'm pleasantly surprised to be alive right now.   
> I hope you guys like it and, as always, let me know what you think. Every comment and kudo truly makes my day.


	6. Separated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some sweet sisterly love in this one (and maybe a little angst, but I can't help myself)

After the clinic class on Thursday, Peridot refused to talk to anybody. She went to her classes on Friday, avoided Yvonne under every circumstance and took the first bus to Beach City she could find. As the tall buildings and traffic jams faded away into the deep dark green of the vegetation surrounding what Empire City hadn’t touched yet, Peridot could only wish she had a license. And a car. And money for gas. At least, that way she could have focused on the road and maybe angrily shout a few trashy Spice Girls’ songs. 

It was already dark by the time she arrived at her destination; the blonde was close to ripping her hair out of nervous energy that she carelessly pushed her way pass all the other passengers, in an effort to be the first one. Peridot quickly retrieved her bag and walked the short distance to her sister’s house. 

Pearl lived in a small beach house, a little secluded from the center of the small town but still in walking distance. The house was propped up against a small hill and slightly raised so that the sand wouldn’t get in the way; to reach the door you had to climb a short flight of stairs which Peridot always complaint about. When she finally reached the front door out of breath and knocked on it, a tall woman opened the door.

“Hey Peridot! Come on in, Pearl’s just taking a shower” Her sister’s long time girlfriend, Sheena, was very different from the older Green. Her hair was long and bushy, dyed a bright pink color, which complemented nicely with her multiple piercings and punk rock style, giving her a rebel vibe. Peridot really liked the tall woman but had always been more than a little weirded out by the fact that she looked a lot like Pearl’s ex, something she had never dared to mention. “Are you hungry?”

“It depends, did Pearl cook?” She asked reticent to risk another indigestion because of her sister’s inability to admit that cooking wasn’t something she should do.

Sheena chuckled, while taking out a plate and setting it in the counter “Don’t worry, I made sure she stayed away” Peridot made her way to the kitchen island and watched with hungry eyes how the pinked haired woman poured gravy on top of a generous amount of mashed potatoes, broccoli and meat; it smelled heavenly.

“Then I’m starving” The short girl had a tendency to neglect… her entire wellbeing when under stress, she didn’t even remember if she had breakfast that morning.

Sheena waited for the small girl to make a pause after shoveling half the plate into her mouth in mere seconds to speak again. “How have you been?”

“By your tone of voice I’m guessing Pearl already told about the Amethyst debacle” Peridot only looked at her plate, not really knowing how to respond to the clear concern present in the tall woman’s voice.

“Even if she hadn’t, it’s hard to ignore when your girlfriend is trying to call someone once every hour for four days” The blonde smiled a little at that and continued eating not too keen on bearing her soul just yet. “She was either calling you, or she spotted another inconsistency with the adaptation of The Hobbit and was trying to let Peter Jackson know… again” 

“That’s why I love coming here, it always makes me feel like less of a nerd” Peridot laughed and gladly took the change of topic.

They continued talking until the blonde finished her food in record time. “Thank God Pearl didn’t cook tonight, it had been a while since I’d eaten a home cooked meal”

“Well, you do realize that, technically, this is my home and if I had cooked you would have eaten a home cooked meal, right?” Her sister walked in the living room/kitchen area just in that moment. Pearl was taller than the blonde (something the younger Green would never forgive her), her short strawberry blonde hair still wet from the shower didn’t reach her simple blue blouse. She stood in the corner, the perfectly straight posture of a ballerina. She didn’t look mad at the jab considering that they usually teased each other mercilessly, if anything she looked shy, unsure of how Peridot would react. 

“Wow Bird, how depress do you think I am to try to commit suicide by poisoning?” It was awkward, and reaching at the same time. The teasing didn’t have the usual force but it was a sign that she was willing to patch things up, otherwise the screaming match would have already begun. 

“It’s nice to see that you still think that Bird is a funny nickname” Peridot had come up with that name when they were little kids, making fun of how long the former ballerina’s nose was. After a while it lost all malice behind it and became a term of endearment despite Pearl’s superficial despise of it.

“It is a great name and you know it” Said Peridot pointing her fork at her with a half smile.

“I guess it is sometimes” The short girl wasn’t expecting, nor wanted, Pearl’s sad and guilty eyes shifting to her feet, part of her just wanted to pretend that nothing out of the ordinary had happened between the two of them, but it was clear that they would have to address their issues. 

“Alright, it’s late everybody” Sheena broke the silence after it had gone on for too long. “Why don’t we all go to bed and leave the heartfelt conversation for tomorrow?”

Both siblings nodded, grateful to postpone a conversation that would surely leave them emotionally drained. Peridot left her plate on the dishwasher and then headed to the small upper level facing the living room where a bed, some shelves, and a TV stood. It had always been her room; when Pearl designed the house she explicitly made that room for whenever the blonde wanted to stay over. 

Once all the lights were out, the younger Green tucked herself underneath the blankets noticing for the first time how utterly exhausted she was. Despite everything, she couldn’t deny that, for the first time in months, she felt at home. 

“I love you Peri” The soft voice of her sister came from below her, a reaffirmation of sorts.

“I love you too Pearl” Was the only thing she could mutter before letting sleep take over. 

********

The next morning, Peridot was woken up by the delicious smell of freshly made pancakes and tea. It felt like nothing had happened, like time had gone back to when Pearl had just finished the house and the blonde would spend all her summer watching Camp Pinning Hearts and occasionally going to the beach before returning to college. The lurch in her stomach was the only indication that something was amiss.

Slowly, the short girl walked down the stairs wearing the alien pajamas that her sister always kept for her underneath her pillow and stood awkwardly to the side. Pearl was hugging Sheena from behind, whispering sweet things in her ear, making the larger woman laugh and almost drop the hot pan. Peridot cleared her throat to make her presence known to the loving couple; her sister immediately jumped away from her girlfriend, face completely red while the pink haired woman looked unfazed, even winking at Peridot with a cheeky smile. 

“Peri! Good morning!” Pearl’s voice a lot higher than normal.

“Morning” Peridot sat down at her usual spot and thanked Sheena for the plate of pancakes that appeared before her. They ate mostly in silence, the blonde not really awake yet and her sister still flustered from being caught a few moments ago.

“OK, as enjoyable as this tense silence has been” The pink haired woman spoke when they had finished with their meals “You two need to shower, get dressed and go walk on the beach. I’ll have lunch ready at around 2, so don’t bother to come back before that, understood?”

Both Green sisters begrudgingly nodded and did what they were told. “Come on Bird, couldn’t you find a less bossy girlfriend?”

“By the time I realized about that, it was already too late” Pearl responded with a fake stage whisper, obviously within Sheena’s hearing range.

“I don’t know about that, I’m pretty sure you love it when I’m bossy” the punk rocker shouted from behind them, making Peridot snicker at her flustered sister.

It didn’t take them too long to get ready, both women started walking after Sheena kissed Pearl good bye and promised Peridot her favorite food when they came back. It was a cloudy, windy, early fall day; Peridot was wearing her staple jeans and a black hoodie while the slim frame of her sister was covered only by some shorts and a thin sweater. They walked in silence for fifteen minutes until they arrived at their spot; a secluded rock formation right above a small pool of sea water where sea stars and little shells could be found. Both sisters sat down, getting their thoughts in order.

“Pearl, do you feel like you can’t trust me?” Peridot closed her eyes and waited for seconds that felt like hours. She had just come out and said it, ripping the Band-Aid was nerve-racking but she couldn’t stand the waiting anymore. Pearl didn’t say anything for so long that the blonde’s anxiety just spiked.

When the short girl finally opened her eyes, she saw her sister looking at her with a big surprised face. “No, I completely trust you, please never doubt that” Pearl’s gaze then moved to the water, she sighted sorrowfully “I didn’t expect you to be this sad honestly, I was totally prepared to deal with your anger”

“I wanted to be angry, when I declined your calls I was trying to be angry” Peridot played with the sand over her shoes, still not sure if she should be furious “but that’s not how I feel. I really thought we told each other everything and now I’m just thinking back to every moment when you might have been having a hard time and never told me or all the half-truths you may have said, just like we did with mom.”

“I’m sorry, I never meant for you to feel that way. I was just trying to protect you” There, the ‘protect’ part just opened all the gates of all the emotions she had been barely keeping at bay, Peridot was openly crying now. Her sister didn’t know what to do, her hands moved back and forth, not sure if her touch would be comforting.

“YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO PROTECT ME” Peridot didn’t mean to yell, but it was mostly a sob that she couldn’t contained any longer “We were supposed to be a team”

Pearl hugged her, harder than she had in years, harder than when their cat died when she was eight, harder than when she told her she was moving out of the house. Peridot struggled at first not wanting to be comforted, feeling like she had to feel miserable because she didn’t make her sister feel like she could trust her, because she screwed up with Lapis, and because maybe she just wasn’t good enough. She stopped fighting after a while and just cried on her sister’s sweater.

Slowly, the sobs subsided and when the hiccups were far apart she finally separated herself from the former dancer. Peridot’s eyes were tired and puffy, her normally pale skin had uneven splotches of red all over and, to her dismay, the blonde realized that she had stained Pearl’s clothes with her runny nose. The older Green didn’t seem to care about it though, despite being a germaphobe, she didn’t pay attention to that, all she could do was take out a package of tissues for the both of them. Pearl’s face was just as red as Peridot if not more, tears still streaming down her face. 

“We are a team, I was just told once that the mark of a good leader was to know when to keep secrets as not to hurt others” The older Green’s voice was shaky and ashamed, she covered her eyes for a second unable to stop the emotions “I can see now that I hurt you either way. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”

“I still don’t understand, what were you protecting me from?” 

“Mom” It was stated as if it was just another truth, simple; Pearl’s voice had no other ill intent behind, it only resignation “Or myself maybe, I’m not sure anymore. Mom never liked Amethyst, she said she was a bad influence and with everything that was happening at the time, I didn’t want to tell you another secret you had to keep for me.”

“Bullshit” the short girl muttered under her breath.

“Sorry?”

“That is bullshit and you know it” Peridot looked at her straight in the eyes defiantly, she probably looked like a mess but she didn’t care “I am and was stronger than you give me credit for. I kept your secrets for months, you told me you were a lesbian, you told me you were seeing Rose, you told me you wanted to run away and I didn’t say a word. Mom always used to ask me if I knew why you were acting weird and I never said anything because you had put your trust in me and I didn’t want to break it. Even after you left and all hell broke loose I kept my promise.”

“What do you mean by ‘all hell broke loose’?” Pearl now looked very guilty and Peridot realized that she may have done the exact same thing she was reproaching her sister.

“When you ran away with Rose, mom wasn’t herself in months. I would always hear her crying from outside her door.” Peridot fiddled with her hands and tried not to cry again “you were always her favorite, so smart, so graceful when dancing, so headstrong, even in you rebellious stage, I think she admired you. After you left I tried my hardest to be half of what you were but I was never as good as you, I’ve never been as good as you”

“No, don’t say that.” Pearl took her hand and squeezed lightly “I am not as good as you think I am. I did well at school because all I wanted was to get into college to get away; I hated dancing so much but mom wouldn’t let me quit, so I would sneak around to the fencing practice where I fell for the teacher; and in my so called ‘rebellious stage’ I lived only for Rose that I forgot about me.  
“Peri, I am so sorry you felt like you had to fill my place. I was so selfish to just leave you behind. I really want you to know that you don’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations but your own, and that you are my sister no matter what.” 

The short blonde hugged her sister chuckling “Your small annoying sister?”

“My small adorable sister” Pearl corrected softly “You should have told me about mom, I could have done something. We really need to work on this communication thing”

“You are right, you still have to tell me ten years worth of gossiping about Amethyst” Despite Peridot not knowing how to feel about the accused woman at the moment, she still desperately needed to understand Pearl’s relationship with her; just how much she had missed of the former ballerina’s life. 

“Alright, it’s only fair. Buckle up then, this is going to be long.” The taller woman laid down on the rocks facing the ocean and motion for Peridot to snuggle like when they were little “I met Amethyst when I was in senior year high school and she was a junior that needed math tutoring. She was loud and obnoxious but had a great heart and real talent.   
“She live in a pretty rough neighborhood but really wanted to have a better future and I was willing to stay until very late to help her study. Mom was convinced Amethyst was, and I quote, ‘making me smoke cocaine or something’ so she got really mad, saying all kinds of hurtful things. It didn’t matter to me; together we found a system that worked for her a lot better than the regular blackboard class. In think she still uses the diagrams I would draw to study.  
“Soon enough, I introduced her to Garnet and the three of us became very close to each other, they helped me out with everything after I ran off with Rose until… well, you know what happened after we broke up.” 

Yes, Peridot was acutely aware of the state her sister was in when her, very much idealized, romance ended. She was supposed to be the knight in shinning armor that would devote all her life to her princess, but fairy tales never told what happens to those knights when their services are no longer required. 

“Remember I used to live in a moldy house with Garnet during college? It was all we could afford after I burned through my savings trying to follow Rose” After so long, Peridot was so glad to hear her sister talking about that time in her life without any resentment, just a hint of embarrassment at how naïve she used to be “Amethyst was practically living with us, the four of you really helped me get my act together.”

“You were kind of a mess in those days” The blonde felt like she could finally joke about it with Pearl, they tease each other about everything else and having to tiptoe around the subject was always uncomfortable to the younger Green. “I’m surprised you still know how to use your legs after you spent so much time in bed”

“And yet, I can still walk for five minutes without tripping, which is more than you can say” The former dancer chuckled, happy to get back to their old dynamic “After I graduated engineering school, found my job and designed the house, Amethyst had gotten into college and was spending a weekend just the two of us here; she baited me into going with her to a rock concert and encouraged me to talk to the cute biker chick that was obviously miles out of my league. I also almost go arrested that night but, man, was it worth it.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that story a thousand times before. You are way too proud of your poetry game”

“I have a great poetry game, thank you very much” Pearl pouted, flushing slightly.

“Dork”

“Dork with a beautiful girlfriend” Her sister corrected the same way a professor would tell a student not paying attention “Anyways, the three of us would always meet twice a month here. Now I go visit her at the Federal Penitentiary in those days. Sheena bakes her cookies”

“I’m sorry Pearl, about everything”

“Not your fault” Pearl went quiet for a minute before straightening up and looking down to her hands ashamed of asking “Do you think she did it?” 

“I haven’t worked on the case long enough, do YOU think she did it?” 

“No, of course not, Amethyst would never do something like that” But then she chewed her lip trying to stop the words coming out of her mouth “But I’m scared for her, I’ve talked to so many people involved but they always tell me the same thing, everything points out to her. I feel like the worst person alive when I doubt her”

“No, it’s only natural. Don’t worry about it, your job is to be by her side, I’ll make sure she gets a fair trial” Peridot purposefully didn’t say that she would get her sister’s friend out of jail; as much as it broke her heart, she was supposed to be objective and had seen nothing so far to confirm or deny the accusations against Amethyst.

“Team?” Pearl asked shyly raising her fist.

“Team” Confirmed Peridot bumping the taller girl’s fist with her own “We should head back home, I’m starving and your mystery girl promised me lasagna” 

“You are still calling her mystery girl after I introduced you to her three years ago?” Pearl complaint while they started to head back into the direction of her house. 

“Took you long enough” Peridot teased but she was acutely aware of how scared the former ballerina was of moving too quickly with her current girlfriend, she wouldn’t even tell the blonde her real name, hence mystery girl.

They walked together in companionable silence, taking in the beautiful beach they rarely went to, but definitely should more often. When they got to the house, Sheena welcomed them with a concerned expression at the clear signs of crying but refrained from asking questions, instead, she served them a generous portion of lasagna and as much sugary ice tea as they wanted. Pearl’s girlfriend knew the overly sweet stuff was only reserved for moments of emotional turmoil. 

Spending the day at the older Green’s house was always relaxing, there were no rules other than clean whatever mess you made, and Peridot had a good amount of books, movies, and video games stored in her room to be able to relax until the next meal. But by far, what the blonde enjoyed the most when being there was that it gave her hope. Pearl had her life figured out, she had a great paying job at something that she loved (maybe it was navy ships and no spaceships as she wanted but second best), a gorgeous house and a significant other clearly in love with her. The taller sister had been very low but she had stood up and continued. _Maybe one day my life will be this good too._

At six in the afternoon, Pearl invited her to get some drinks, which was code for getting fancy glasses of juice given that neither of them drank alcohol, and to watch the small concert the town would be holding at the beach. Sheena excused herself saying that she had to grade some papers for the literature class she taught at the local community college.

After they got settled with their order in a small restaurant on the boardwalk, right in front of where the Beachapalooza stage was, Peridot suddenly remember the reason she had agreed to come after all. They were doing so well, it was now or never.

“So, hmmm” The short girl started very anxiously, clearing her throat, not entirely sure of how to approach the subject of coming out. “I wanted to tell you something. Because we said that we needed to communicate more, which is important, and Garnet would be very proud of us, and I really think it will be better for both of us having someone to talk and be there for one…”

“You are trying to tell me you have girl problems, right?” Pearl cut off her rambling before the blonde could spend two hours taking about nothing, a great skill in law school, an annoying one in conversation. 

“What? What do you mean by girl problems?” Peridot’s face was beet red, wanting so badly to backtrack and pretend she never said a word.

“You know, you have a crush on girl, don’t know how to tell if she likes you, that kind of thing.” Pearl was so nonchalant about it, how can she be so nonchalant? And, most importantly, _HOW DOES SHE KNOW?_

The younger Green’s brain was having short-circuit problems, she wasn’t even sure if she could form coherent sentences “I… what?... How?”

“Peri” the former ballerina’s voice had the same tone one would use when explaining a child how a puzzle works “I knew you didn’t only have your Dana Scully poster growing up because you liked aliens.”

“The X-files is a great show” Peridot mumbled, embarrassed by the memory.

“Also,” Pearl continued on as if she hadn’t spoken “Your boyfriend in high school, Jimmy was it? Came to me once complaining you didn’t want to kiss him. I may have threaten him with my rapier” 

“Mhmm, that explains why he never wanted to play videogames at home”

“But anyway, tell me about her” The taller woman looked positive giddy with excitement, for the looks of it, Pearl had been waiting for this moment for very long “Is it your partner in Amethyst case?”

Peridot turned even redder and looked at her sister with eyes as big as saucers “You have been running a psychic business that you haven’t told me about?”

“So it is her!” She looked so happy for her sister and was even bouncing slightly off her chair “And, no I don’t have premonition powers but I do talk to Garnet and Amethyst on a regular basis.”

“What did they say!?” Peridot was horrified, was she that obvious? 

“Garnet said you two looked really close and Amethyst said that she was very pretty and seemed confortable with you” 

“Did they really?”

“Well, Amethyst may have used more crass language but yes, that was the main idea” The former ballerina furrowed her brow but continued talking excitedly nonetheless “Tell me what’s happened”

“Nothing really has happened and I don’t think anything will, I fucked everything up with her” Pearl scrunched up her face when the short blonde cursed, but motion for her to explained further “We went out and I was so sure we felt the same way, but she ran off after seeing her ex. I went and talked to her ex and she found out. Long story short, she doesn’t want to know anything about me now. What should I do?”

“You know I’m really not the best person to be giving relationship advice, right?” Peridot flashed back to all the instances where her sister’s love life had been… complicated to say the least, Rose, the Sardonyx Lake incident, the distance between her and Sheena in the beginning and the list could go on “But you are right, you fudge up” 

“Jeez, thank you Bird”

“I’m serious, you violated her privacy and that is definitely not OK.” Pearl took her hand and looked at her right in the eyes. “I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I have, you cannot force her to forgive you, you have to give her space. Things may not be the same afterwards but you just have to keep moving forward”

“Thanks Pearl. If I’m doomed to be single for all eternity, can I come and live with you guys?” The blonde joked lightly in an effort to change the subject; she didn’t feel like talking about it anymore.

Pearl’s eyes remained serious, never moving from her face “You know my house is always open for you” 

After that, they enjoyed the concert and talked about anything they could think about, from every little detail that ruined the Jurassic World movie for them to Peridot’s insecurities and anxieties. Hours of conversation followed by a slow walk back home made them feel like they were closer than they had been in years, before the complications of adult life attacked them. 

The next day was a lazy one; the three of them remained in their pajamas until it was time for Peridot to get back to her dorm. The blonde girl hugged both Sheena and Pearl, thanked them for everything and got inside the bus with the promise of letting them know if there were any new changes in her life. 

Pearl’s words had stuck with Peridot after their conversation; it was painful but she was willing to accept that maybe things wouldn’t be the same; she had abused Lapis Lazuli’s trust after all. The short girl spent all her trip writing a letter to her partner, apologizing for everything she had done and promising to respect her boundaries, leaving her completely alone if that was what she wanted. 

After she got home, Peridot called Yvonne to find out Lapis’ address, which of course she knew because she is creepy like that, and made her way towards her house. It was a small one-bedroom apartment for students, very close to campus. The blonde slipped her letter under the door and silently said good-bye to the blue haired girl. 

Monday and Tuesday went by without an incident, nothing new, only the same tedious classes, and the same volumes of reading materials to drown in. It was late, and Peridot was ready to betray her sister and order a coffee from the cafeteria downstairs just to stay awake, when a soft knock on her door took her out of her stupor. Lazily, not caring that she was already in her green alien pajamas, she open the door, and froze at the sight in front of her. Lapis Lazuli was standing in front of her with her rumple letter tightly clutched in her fist, and a blank expression on her face.

“Can I come in?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love Pearl, I hope I did her character justice and didn't turn her too much into the exposition mule. Did you guys like her?   
> On another subject, I'm finishing an exchange program right now, and because I have no common sense, I asked the school if I could take my exams early to be able to travel for a bit, which means that I won't be able to post in the next two weeks. I promise another chapter of this story by christmas.   
> Take care!


	7. Truth-Seekers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as I promised, here's my christmas present for you. Enjoy!

Walking away from Peridot was easier than she thought it would. She had gotten so used to feeling again in the past week, that the numbness was almost comforting; it was an old friend’s hug that lasted a little too long. Lapis knew she had to get home to sort everything out; her shields were up but there was not telling for how long, the blonde girl had messed up with her defense mechanisms too much.

As soon as she walked into her house she made a beeline for her kitchen and hesitated in front of it. The blue haired girl had an intense need for tea at the time but it had been so long since the last time she had gotten one, that the packs were probably moldy by then. Lapis resisted the urge to actually check if that was the case and settle for an unsatisfactory cup of freshly brewed coffee. Once her drink was finished, she sat down on her living room sofa and stared at the black TV in front of her.

Usually, Lapis’ quest was to find something that would make her feel anything, didn’t matter what. Righteous anger led her to law school; curiosity led her to watch nine years worth of television in less than two months neglecting to eat, sleep or even shower; and the confusing but warm feelings had led her to get closer to Peridot than she intended. But everything had an expiration date, and sooner or later, the blue haired girl knew she would stop and be forced to find something else to fill the void.

If Lapis were to be asked to define herself in only one word, she would say selfish. She was selfish and, honestly, part of her was glad that Peridot had betrayed her; it was the perfect excuse to get over it and avoid another Jasper situation. As much as Lapis wanted it, she couldn’t bring herself not to care about hurting the little blonde.

Drinking her coffee, Lapis decided not to ponder about it anymore; her mind was made up, whatever she had with Peridot was over. Nevertheless, when laying down and starting a book, the blue haired girl found her mind going back to the events of that afternoon. The law student could tell that she was pissed off at her partner for that awful violation of privacy, but the more she thought about it, the more her mind told her that, after the stunt she pulled, it was clear that Peridot wasn’t the innocent nerd she thought she was. To her surprise, she felt glad about it; maybe she wasn’t so bad for her after all.

That last thought only made her even angrier. _For fuck’s sake Lazuli, you are disgusting_. She wasn’t a good person and neither was Peridot, she might as well leave now that they were relatively unharmed, no matter how she made her feel that night at the bar or how much she longed for her next emotion fix. This was better for the both of them.  

On Friday, Lapis’ resolve was strong; she did not look for her short partner all day, she went to class, paid no attention to what the professors were saying and chatted with indifference with Beth in Trial Advocacy about their strategy for their upcoming test on witness briefing. The blue haired ghost was once again going through the motions, shrouded under her veil of disinterest. 

On Saturday, the numbness was more overwhelming than usual. Unconsciously, Lapis took all her study materials and sat on the cafeteria with a large cup of tea in her hand. Every once in a while she would scan the crowd of people around her and be annoyed at her own disappointment when she didn’t see thick black-rimmed glasses. After a brief and awkward eye contact with Yvonne Zircon, Lapis decided to go back to her apartment.

Sunday was just like the old days. Lapis was steadily going back to her routine, she was cold but it was the familiar cold, the one she had been carrying for years now. Soon enough the whole incident would be a thing of the past and she could focus on finding a longer lasting fix of emotion.

Lazuli was in her small kitchen preparing some pasta and tuna, when she heard rustling by her door. She came to inspect and to her surprise, she found a neatly folded piece of paper with her name on the front. Lapis recognized the handwriting immediately; it wasn’t easily confused with others, the small, tight and messy letters could only belong to the girl who always refused to fill out the case reports in the clinic. Peridot Green.

With shaky hands, the blue haired girl carefully opened the letter and read it standing in front of her door.

 

Dear Lazuli,

I can’t express how sorry I am for what I did, it was selfish and a total disregard for your autonomy and privacy. If I could, I would turn back time and smack my old self in the head for even considering that she had any justification for going to talk to your ex behind your back.

I don’t expect, nor want for that matter, to be forgiven. I understand that you don’t want to see me again and, to that end, I’ll talk to professor Lovegood to allow me to drop the class; she and my sister will understand my reasons. I’m confident that you will do a great job on the Mendez case, even if it is on your own.

Again, I’m sorry I ruined whatever possibility we had to be close, I truly like you and I felt as though we could have been something great together. I will always think fondly of you.

Goodbye Lapis Lazuli.

Peridot Green.

 

 _Un-fucking-believable_. Lapis crumpled the piece of paper in her hand and threw it against the wall. She didn’t finish her diner but instead went straight to bed that night.

Two days. Two days was all that Lapis could handle before she gave up and angrily stomped her way towards Peridot’s dorm. She took the letter that had been reread and crumpled over, and over again and went to face her soon to be former partner. The blue haired girl hesitated before knocking on the door, but decided to go ahead before she could think too hard on her motivations for being there.

Peridot seemed half asleep, with tussled hair and cute baggy green alien pajamas.  _Seriously Lazuli, that’s what you focus on?_  The short girl was frozen in place, eyes as big as plates, blinking rapidly, as if she didn’t trust them to tell her the truth. When she didn’t move after a good amount of seconds, Lapis finally asked, “Can I come in?”

That seemed to take Peridot out of her stupor; she shook her head and opened the door to let her in “Yeah, of course, make yourself at home” The blonde couldn’t keep her eyes on Lapis’ face for more than a few seconds at a time, her face flushed bright red when she realized what she was wearing. “What are you doing here? Not that I don’t appreciate a visit from you, I love having you here, not in creepy way, it’s good you’re here, just unexpected. Do you want tea?”

“What is this?” Lapis asked holding the card in her fist, not bothering to seat down or make herself comfortable; she just stood there, in the middle of the room, same emotionless expression on her face.

“That’s a piece of paper?” Peridot only half glanced at her former partner’s hand before lowering her gaze. Her face was a bright red as she awkwardly stood fidgeting with her hands.

“No shit Sherlock, I can see that” Lapis’ voice suddenly grew, startling the shorter girl; the blue haired girl’s eyes were blazing with anger now. “What the hell does this mean?”

The blonde sighted defeated “It was an apology, and a promise to respect your wish to want me out of your life.” Peridot sat on the edge of the table, eyes downcast; all energy sapped from her body “I can see now that I overstepped my boundaries again, I’m sorry.” She chuckled softly “That’s the only thing I seem to be able to do lately”

“Lately?” Lazuli was furious; everything she had been keeping at bay since her annoying opponent tricked the judges in her Moot Court Cup came back with vengeance “Peridot, you have been overstepping them from day one. You had no right to annoy me acting all cocky when we first met, you had no right to prevent me from asking to be alone in the clinic case with your puppy eyes, you had no right to make me want to go to that stupid bar because of how terrified you looked and you had no FUCKING right to make me feel again”

“Lazuli?” Peridot was on the verge of tears while listening to the taller girl’s tirade, but that last part made her look up, not sure that she had heard correctly. Lapis on the other hand was too focus on her speech to actually realize that she had been called; she was passing in the room, letting everything out.

“I didn’t need this in my life, I promised myself that I wouldn’t use anybody for my own fucked up needs after what I did to Jasper. I am numb, I accept that, but I could find something else to keep me going” Hands on her blue hair, rambling, Lapis was vaguely aware that she was making a scene, but, at that point, she was beyond caring “I could go and watch an entire show if it got too bad at times, but mostly I could handle it until YOU came into scene.

“Me?” The short blonde was very much confused and more than a little frightened at the accusatory tone Lapis had used.

“Yeah, you came and made me feel annoyed, protective, hot, angry; I even yelled at a professor on your behalf” A quasi-maniacal laughter came out of the blue haired girl’s mouth while she took a seat in front of Peridot, not being able to quite focus her gaze on her. “But then you were an asshole, and gave me a great excuse to get away and I was doing fine, I was back to my old, perfectly miserable but functional self. Until you bring this letter and I become a junky trying to stop herself from getting another fix.”

Lapis bowed her head and sighted deeply. Her burst of emotion had run out and she felt exhausted, it wasn’t until now that she truly realized the real reason behind coming to Peridot’s house. The green eyed girl slowly approach her, like someone would a caged animal and softly took her hand “Lazuli… Lapis, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable but I don’t think it’s healthy to not deal with what’s happening to you”

Lapis let out a mirthless laugh “You are too good Peridot, even when you fuck up.”

“And you are depressed”

 “Maybe, all I know for sure is that I want to be around you.”

They stayed silent for a long while, Lapis’ hands still being held by her partner’s. The blue haired girl was still in shock after her speech, she felt tired and part of her was relieved to have everything in the open, but the familiar tingling of guilt was starting to creep up in her stomach. _I have to give her a heads up._  

“I was never in love with Jasper” The taller girl broke the silence staring vacantly to the wall. Peridot stayed quite but was listening intently “I’m not even sure I ever liked her, but she liked me, a lot. I got together with her because she made me feel wanted, powerful.” Lapis was by no means proud of how she had acted, but, in all honesty, she wasn’t sure she was good enough not to do it again if given the chance. “I tried to break things off so many times. I’d love to say that it was because I realized how selfish I was, but it was because she would suffocate me, constantly calling and monitoring my every move. She then would come back begging on her knees and I would be the one in control again.”

Lapis felt a soft squeeze in her hand, and despite how disgusted she felt by her own actions, she couldn’t help but feel warm inside. “I hurt her so very much, I lead her on and I used her. I am not a good person Peridot, and there is no guarantee that I won’t use you and then get bored”

“You are not a bad person, you are not selfish. We just met and you’ve been there for me more times than most of the people I’ve known for years” The short blonde stood in front of her, eyes for the first time at the same level, warm expression on her face. Lapis, at that moment, dared to believe for the first time in years that maybe she wasn’t that bad after all. “You are a very kind person Lapis, but you do need help.” 

Lazuli nodded twice staring straight at her friend’s eyes; she had known for years that the way she lived wasn’t healthy, but it was easy and comforting in a sick way. Both of them didn’t say anything for what felt like hours, just staying in each other’s company until Lapis slowly stood up and gather her coat that she hadn’t even noticed she had taken off, she walked towards the door and without looking she spoke.

“If you still want to be partners I will be in the parking lot at nine in the afternoon to check up on Ms. Mendez timeline”

After a few seconds of silence she was halfway out of the door when Peridot’s bewildered nasal voice stopped her. “Do you still want to be partners? Aren’t you still mad at me?”

Lapis had to look hard inside herself to answer truthfully “I am very much still pissed at you, but I can’t quite seem to be able to stay away, can I?” And without ever turning back, the blue haired girl walked out of the dorm.

 

********

 

Lapis Lazuli was stalling. She wasn’t dumb, she was completely conscious of what she was doing; she wasn’t at a risk of falling asleep and yet she had purchased three cups of coffee while pretending to read her client’s statement that she had already memorized by then. No, she was pretending not to notice what time it was to account for the possibility of Peridot being late. It was silly; she didn’t want to look like she had been waiting for her in her car. _My God, how old am I? Fifteen?_ When twenty minutes had passed from the designated time, Lapis stood up and marched to her car, worry very much present in her stomach.

To her relief, which of course she wouldn’t openly show, Peridot was sitting on the floor, leaning her back against her car door, holding a thick book on her hands, and snoring softly. The blue haired girl couldn’t help but tenderly smile at the scene, but being the emotional immature child that she was, she threw her coat on the blonde, roughly waking her up.

“Come on Napping Noodle, we’ve got work to do”

“Napping Noodle? What the hell kind of name is that?” Peridot shook her head in an attempt to clear the sleep from it. Lapis noticed the dark bags under her eyes and the stiff way her body moved, wondering how long she had been there.

“You are right, you’re not tall enough for being called noodle” Lapis remarked while hopping into her car and turning it on. The short girl only groaned at the remark. “What about Sleeping Filini?”

“I’m not even going to google that”

“You should, it’s a terrific pasta”

“I don’t think I’ve ever had good pasta”

“There’s a great place nearby in the Little Italy that is not that expensive, but serves the greatest homemade raviolis that you will ever try in your life”

“We should go there sometime” Lapis could pinpoint the exact moment in which the blonde realized the implications of what she had just said, her face went instantly red and her eyes scrunched up for a second too long. To be fair, the blue haired girl felt just as flustered but was better at hiding it; only a small blush gave her away.

“Yeah, I could show you the place” And they continued driving in silence. 

It wasn’t the uncomfortable silence Lapis was dreading, after all, yesterday night they had talked about very delicate subjects and the status of their relationship was up in the air. On the one hand Peridot had admitted before that she felt something when they danced together, but the tension was still too fresh to do anything about it. At least they were back to their bantering selves; that was good enough for Lapis. For now.

When they pulled out in front of the Mathematics Library, they patiently waited for the right time “Alright, Amethyst said that she got off work at ten, give her five minutes to walk from the library to the bus stop, we should follow…” Peridot yawned in the middle of her sentence, tearing up a little bit “Sorry, follow the 10:07 bus.”

“You OK Peridot? You seem tired” 

“Yeah, I’m all good. I couldn’t sleep last night so I stayed up studying” The taller girl felt a tinge of guilt over that but decided not to pay much attention to it “But I got some shut eye before you got to the parking lot so I should be fine”

“How long were you dozing off next to my car?”

“I don’t know when exactly I fell asleep, but I got there around… seven maybe? I was reading until I wasn’t anymore” _Hello guilt, my old friend._

“Sorry for making you wait”

“Don’t worry, I would be even more useless if I hadn’t slept for a bit”

“Good, I need you alert. You have to be my copilot and monitor the variables while I’m driving, I can’t take my eyes off the road” Lapis pointed at the case file, the bus schedule and a small notepad to take notes.

“I’ve got you covered, trust me” The blonde picked all the elements she would need and set them on the right page for easy access. Once that was done, her face briefly showed hesitance until she decided to ask the question “What would you have done if I hadn’t showed up today?”

That question took Lapis by surprise. To be completely honest, if Peridot hadn’t come with her she would have probably gone home to commiserate and probably bonce her rubber ball of the walls of her apartment until her neighbors complained “I guess I would have broken the law by reading and driving at the same time, are you going to rat me out?”

The blonde flushed when the girl driving looked directly at her, something about that last question had been very intimate “Of course not, I got your back partner” It felt good for Lapis to hear her say they were partners again. 

It wasn’t much longer before the bus they needed to follow picked up passengers at the bus stop. Lapis immediately started driving again, never losing sight of her target, while Peridot was taking the time on her phone.

“How long has it been?” The girl driving asked bored with her mission.

“Twenty-three minutes”

“That little? I would probably never show up for class if I had to travel this long”

“Let me guess, small town girl?” 

“Yeah, how do you know?” 

“When you live in a big city, you’re kind of used to traveling for longer stretches of time.” Peridot laughed nostalgically, never taking her eyes off the clock “When I was little, my mom would refuse to drive us around because she could never find a good parking space, so my sister and I would always take the bus together to go to the movies”

“I used to live in this very small town where you could walk to pretty much everywhere, everybody knew each other, the same boring routine everyday” Lapis sped up when the bus took a sudden turn at the corner of the street “My parents thought it was the perfect place to raise a family, the stereotype of the American dream” There was a thinly veiled contempt behind her words, Lapis had never been fond of the appearances game her parents played.

“I take it you don’t like the white picket fence life?” 

“I never liked the willful obliviousness to everything that didn’t fit in their community” The blue haired girl sighted relaxing her grip on the steering wheel “I know they love me, and I love them too, but the way they just ignore what’s in front of them as long as you behave and have good grades, annoys me” 

“Can’t really relate, after the divorce, my mom was very overprotective with the me and my sister. She was an actual detective when it came to us. Never really understood how Pearl could prepare everything to run away without my mom knowing.” 

“Your sister run away from home?” That was an interesting tidbit, what could have possibly happened in the Green household. _Does the rebel streak run in the family?_  Interesting things to ponder indeed.     

“Oh yeah” Peridot answered with an odd mixture of amusement, admiration and maybe a hint of sadness? Lapis couldn’t tell for sure “But that’s a very long story and we just arrived at our destination” 

The girl driving had been so wrapped up in the conversation that hadn’t realized that they were there already, she cursed under her breath while she parked next to the bus stop. She was one to talk about people’s obliviousness to their surroundings. “What time is it?”

“Ten fifty three” Peridot had meticulously recorded the times and locations every ten minutes in the notepad to compare it with their client’s account “So far Amethyst story checks out”

“The murder took place between ten thirty and eleven thirty, according to the coroner’s office” Lapis laid out the facts to help them process them better “She’s still technically inside the window, but it’s a tight timeframe. She would have had to run up the stairs and have a violent fight in under thirty minutes” 

“It looks very unlikely that it was her, still possible though” Peridot smiled, a little conflicted at the case file “besides, there’s the whole staging a robbery thing. With this timeline she would have had more than enough time to cover her tracks, but she didn’t” 

“We still need more evidence but, honestly, this looks promising” Lapis took the notepad back and scribbled the preliminary timeline for the case “We still need to do this same trip a few more times to get an average for the estimated time it takes to get here” 

“Yes, that, and we need to get a witness that places Amethyst outside the library taking the 10:07 bus” Said Peridot ruffling through the manila folder with the case inside.

“The police should have interviewed people around the library, I’m sure someone must have seen her” 

“Hmmm, that’s weird.” Her blonde partner started going through the pages more urgently now “It doesn’t say anything, there is no record of any witness accounts by the police at the school” 

“They must have done it, I’m sure it was not included in our copy of the file” Lapis waived off the shorter girl’s worry, this case was starting to look better than she expected “We can go to the police station and get a copy” 

“We should definitely do that” Said Peridot distractedly, still flipping the pages over and over “But it still bothers me that it’s missing from our file, this was Gar… I mean, Professor Lovegood’s personal case file; it should have been here” 

Lapis frowned at this, it was indeed a very strange occurrence that such important case for their professor would have pages missing; something didn’t add up. “Either way, we still have to go to the police station to get a copy” 

“Yeah, nothing we can do about it now, I guess” Peridot lifted her head and looked at her straight in the eyes for a second too long before both of them averted their gazes “Could you give me a ride home? I’m very tired”

“Of course” Lapis said starting the engine again with a content feeling in her stomach; this felt right “I got your back partner”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for waiting this past two weeks, I'm officially on vacation now so expect regular updates. If anything changes I'll post it on my Tumblr, but I doubt it.  
> Let me know what you think and have a Merry Christmas!


	8. Scared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everybody! I hope 2018 is a lot better than the 2017 clusterfuck

It was late but Peridot didn’t want to go to sleep. It was the third night in a row that they were following the bus getting more or less the same results; every time the blonde was more convinced of Amethyst’s innocence, while she could have technically committed the crime, it was highly unlikely that she could have done everything the cops were saying she did in such a short period of time. All they needed now was a witness.

She looked over to her also tired partner. Lapis was reviewing the notes they had taken the past three days, making small notes on the sides. They hadn’t talked about what happened since she came to visit her apartment on Tuesday, and, to be fair, the thought of that conversation scared Peridot more than she could ever express. They were doing very well so far, they met up every afternoon two hours before they had to go on their quest, talk a little, and, now the blonde could confidently say it, they were flirting. Why would Peridot risk all of that with a conversation that could potentially end with them never talking again? _I don’t want to jinx it by bringing stuff up, we’ll be fine_

“Hey, had any luck tracking down the cops with the copies of the witnesses’ accounts?” The blue haired girl took her out of her stupor, offhandedly asking while still writing on their shared notepad.

“Kind of, they are still on vacation but they are coming back next Thursday. We should be able to talk to them then” It took her a minute to organize her thoughts, but eventually the disappointment she felt towards the whole situation came to the forefront once again; she had asked Garnet if it was possible that she had misplaced some documents or if she had kept some from them, and all she got in return was a stern look and the firm statement that everything she had was in that folder. Peridot’s only reaction was to nod nervously and run as fast as she could away from her; even after knowing her for years, the British woman was still capable of giving her chills. 

“Well, at least that gives us a few more days to repeat this thing and meet with them with enough information to back up our petition” Said Lazuli finishing her writing and looking at Peridot. Despite working on controlling the blush that inevitable overcame her every time her partner looked at her for more than a second, the blonde still failed miserably, which in turn made the taller girl smirk “Come on little tomato, let’s go home”

“I’m amazed by your ability to find new and annoying nicknames for me” Grumbled Peridot sarcastically.

“It’s an art” Corrected Lapis while starting the engine “Although, to be fair, you make it too easy”

“I could call you… call you… blue head, how about that?” The short girl tried to maintain the smug look on her face but it rapidly faded with a brief glance from her partner with only one eyebrow raised “Fine, all hail the queen of nicknames, long may she rein over our undeserving, unimaginative minds” 

“Great, now you only have to pay tribute to your queen”

“How can I do that?” Peridot swallow heavily, suddenly anxious to hear the answer. 

“For starters you could fill out this week’s case report for the clinic. I’ll think of something else later” The blue haired girl teased once again causing Peridot’s face to return to its, by this point, natural state of red.

“Alright, but I’m only doing it because you have done it the past two weeks”

“Your queen will pretend like she didn’t hear that” Lapis jokingly responded and after a few minutes asked “Are you going to get that?”

Peridot’s phone had been ringing intermittently all evening; constant texts and calls that the blond did not feel like answering “No, don’t worry about it. It’s just Yvonne trying to convince me to go out tomorrow night. Apparently there’s going to be happy hour discounts on a local bar”

“That’s why she has been calling for three hours straight?” Lapis’ usual sarcasm was on point in her retort, Peridot still couldn’t quite figure out if her two friends liked or simply hated each other.

“Yeah, well, Yvonne has that type of personality, she can be a little obsessive when trying to get what she wants” Peridot limited herself to decline the call and erase all the unread messages her blonde friend had sent; there was also a missed call from Pearl which had been mixed up when trying to avoid the others, she would call her in the morning. 

“I think you should go” Lapis said without taking her eyes off the road.

“Why?” Her partner never gave her free advice unless she asked for it.

“We’ve been working non stop for a while now, not to mention the emotionally charged few days we had” That was a big understatement and the first mention Lapis had made of their problems in three days; anxiously, Peridot waited to see where she was going “you need some time off, to drink something, sit back and relax. I need you well rested, after all, to talk with the detectives”

Peridot thought about this for a moment before sputtering without thinking “You should come with me” Her whole face turned as red as the street light in front of them, which allowed Lapis to take a long hard look at her partner. 

“I’m not sure I should go, I’m not the one invited” her voice was her usual monotone but held something that the blonde couldn’t quite place, was it fear?

“Why not? You should be just as tired as I am, if not more. We’ve both have been chasing the 10:07 bus every night and had a… hard week. It couldn’t hurt to get out” Peridot fidgeted with her black shirt, being startled when the car behind honked at them to move because the light was already green. Lapis hurried to start the car once again. “Besides, we could have fun together.” 

“I thought you didn’t want to go in the first place”

“I didn’t, but it might be fun if you are there” There was no physical way for Peridot to get any redder than what she already was, but if the blonde looked closely she could make out the faintest color in her partner’s tan skin. 

“Alright, tell Zircon I’m going. Is eight a good time to pick you up?”

“Yes, of course.” Peridot smiled brightly, at which the blue haired girl answered with a small smile of her own.

“I’ll be here tomorrow then” Without the blonde realizing, they had already reached her home and sadly enough she had to exit the car to the cold, almost wintery, street.

“See you tomorrow Lazuli” 

********

After calling Zircon, and getting inhumanly teased by her friend about bringing a girl to the party, Peridot had spent the better part of her Saturday morning looking for an outfit that would make her look more appealing but that wasn’t over the top at the same time. Briefly, she considered wearing her suit, given that it was the only thing other than hoddies, t-shirts and jeans but decided against it. 

While lying on her bed, regretting every decision about her choice of clothing, her phone rang, taking her out of her stupor. Checking the caller ID, she could see that it was Pearl who was trying to contact her; she had completely forgotten about calling her after not answering the day before.

“Hey Bird, sorry I didn’t call you back, it completely slipped my mind” Grumbled Peridot as she moodily placed her arm over her eyes.

“You sound excited” Sarcasm for Pearl was a very difficult thing to understand, but with the help of Sheena, she was making great progress. “I’m twenty minutes away from your house, get dressed, and wait for me at the curve”

“What about?” The older Green hated Empire City and its crowded streets; she must need something really important for her to brave it out in the sea of people.

Pearl went quiet for a few moments before answering with a shaky voice. “I need you to help me pick a ring” 

“Why do you want a ring? You never liked…” There was another silence before Peridot put two and two together; she sat up straight in her bed full of anxious energy “OH MY GOD, THIS IS HAPPENING, THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING”

“Peri, could you please not scream at the phone. I’m going to be half deaf by the time I’m forty with you as a sister” Pearl’s complaints had no real heat behind them. No, she sounded really nervous, laughing a little when she finished talking.

“HOW DO YOU WANT ME TO CALM DOWN WHEN MY BIG SISTER IS GETTING MARRIED?”

“I’m not getting married just yet, I still need her to say yes” And the prevailing insecurity that had plagued her sister her whole life, but had only been intensified with her break up with Rose, was more patent than it had been in years.

“I’m sure she’ll say yes, you guys love each other” Peridot said in her calmest voice, making an herculean effort to squash her own emotion, in favor of comforting the former dancer “I’ll meet you in front of the dorm.” And with that, the short girl hung up the phone and hastily put on the first thing she found lying on the floor.

It wasn’t long before Pearl’s car pulled on the curve. Peridot could only contain herself for half a second before squishing her sister in an overly excited hug. The taller Green awkwardly patted her back and reminded the blonde girl the road safety precautions, and how one must never bother the driver. They headed to one specific mall downtown that had a generous selection of jewelry shops; Pearl was clearly overwhelmed so Peridot took the lead, giving her sister different options of where to choose.

“First, Gold or Silver or something less traditional?” The blonde eyed all the rings, pretending she understood what she was doing; she had a vast experience doing that. 

“Sheena likes silver, all her jewelry is made of that.” Pearl said from behind her, biting her already almost nonexistent nails.

“What about that ring with a pearl in it?” Peridot pointed a beautiful band with a small, smooth pear at the center. “Get it? Because you’re Pearl? And she has you wrapped around her finger?”

“Very funny” The former ballerina slowly approached the counter to take a better look at what the shorter girl was pointing. “It’s pretty, but I feel like that would be a little too narcissistic”

“What about a peridot? To remind her of the most important woman in your life”

“I love you Peri, but that’s not going to happen”

“I had to give it a try” The younger Green just shrugged and continued looking at the display. Soon, her eyes fell on a gorgeous, thin band that had a reflective gem in the middle “I really like that one with the rainbow quartz”

“No” 

The forceful response made Peridot do a double take; carefully she approach her sister and, softly, she took Pearl’s hands off of her mouth. “Hey, are you alright?”

The taller woman sighted “This is not the first time I’ve tried to buy a ring” For Peridot it was still hard to find out things her sister never told her, but she set those feelings aside; it was time to comfort Pearl “I was going to propose to Rose the week after she broke up with me. I had bought a ring very similar to that one actually, with a rainbow quartz on it.”

“Come on Bird, don’t get all sad on me now” She took her sister away from that display to the other corner of the store. “This is not the same situation, Sheena is head over heels for you, you’ll be just fine” 

“You are right, this is about the future. The past can go fudge itself” The last sentence was uttered too loudly, causing the other costumers to either snicker or throw judgmental looks at them. “Sorry”

“Don’t apologize, I like the spirit” Peridot said trying (and failing) to stifle her laughter “Going back to the topic, what about a traditional diamond? It’s elegant,”

“I hate diamonds for some reason. And besides, what part of our relationship is traditional? We are not the societal expectation of a couple” 

Peridot was running out of ideas when a man in his early twenties, wearing a bowtie with the store’s logo, approached them. He looked slightly anxious, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. “Sorry to bother you, my name is Alex and I couldn’t help but overhear what you were discussing” The two Green sisters looked at each other suspiciously but at the moment they were desperate for any type of ideas that they let him continue. “I think we have an alternative to the classic ring with a gem”

“What would that be?”

“Well, we have these carved rings with different patterns” The store employee brought a small box of rings with finely carved lines that delicately swirled around it. All the bands were a little broader than the regular rings, but the beautiful designs more than made up for it. “All of these are handcrafted, they symbolize the hard work the couple has to put into the relationship for it to be beautiful”

While Peridot wasn’t entirely convinced, Pearl’s eyes lit up having focused on one particular ring in front of her. It was silver, soft looking, with thin lines that went through all across its surface. It had small bronze details that gave it a feminine and almost medieval look. _Of course that dork likes it, she still has some of her old romanticism left._ All she could do was silent prayer that her sister wouldn’t turn into a romantic hero again. 

“I want that one” Pearl had stars in her eyes when Alex handed it to her. 

“Great choice” The man wrapped the small case containing the ring and received their payment “Thank you very much. I hope everything goes well for the both of you”

“I really hope so too” The taller Green truthfully answered the honest smile she got from the shopkeeper.

The sisters went to the food court area of the mall to have lunch, or rather for Peridot to have lunch while Pearl looked at the greasy food with mild disgust. 

“So, when are you popping the question?” Peridot started.

“I don’t know, it was very much a spur of the moment type of decision” Pearl gets this glassy eyed look on her face, suddenly her noisy and greasy surroundings didn’t seem to matter to her. “Yesterday we were cuddling, watching a horrible show that she likes, and it hit me. I had never felt this satisfied in my entire life, not even with Rose, I can’t let that escape.”

Peridot was silent for a moment before tentatively asking a very delicate question “Does she know about Rose?” _Does she know she is a carbon copy of the woman you left everything for?_

“She know the basics, that I met her when I was young, that I fell for her, and that it ended badly” Pearl was clearly very uncomfortable with the topic, her words coming a little harder than she intended them “The gritty details are unimportant”

Peridot lifted her hands as an apology “Alright, whatever you think is best”

“So, how did it go with your mystery girl?” Pearl continued, changing the topic radically. 

“It went good, or maybe bad but then good? I’m still not sure about it” The blonde sighted and continued talking after a nudge from her sister. “I wrote her a letter apologizing and, after two days, she comes to my dorm saying that she’s really mad at me but doesn’t want to stop being around me because I make her feel. And we’ve been flirting for a few days now and it feels different somehow, like anticipation.” 

“Sounds very promising, are you meeting her anytime soon?” Pearl asked, excited again for her baby sister.

“Yeah, tonight we’re going to a bar with Yvonne. Which reminds me, I don’t have anything to wear” 

“You should have said something sooner, we are at the right place to get you dressed to the nines” Pearl quickly stood up and dragged Peridot with her before she could even finish her sandwich “Have you ever seen the show The Queer Eye For The Straight Guy?”

“No” said Peridot moodily, still bitter about her sandwich. 

“Well, this is going to be a whole new experience for you then”

********

Peridot felt weird. Not uncomfortable, that was one of the hard lines she had set for Pearl, but not her normal self. For starters, the make up the taller Green had applied on her, although light, made her face feel stiff, and afraid to even move as to avoid smearing it. But what surprised her most was that she was wearing a dress, or at least what look like one; she was wearing a black romper, which to the untrained eye looked like a dress but instead of a skirt it had shorts, which made them a lot more comfortable. There wasn’t much Pearl could do to her hair though, so they let it go wild as it pleased. 

Peridot looked at herself in the mirror for the last time, hoping she didn’t look like a girl playing dress up with her sister’s make up, before she went to seat in her living room waiting for her partner’s call to get to the parking lot. At eight o’clock on the dot a soft knock on her door made her get up and open it. Lapis Lazuli was in front of her with a black leather jacket, high waisted jeans, and a light blue T-shirt tucked in that read ‘Me? Sarcastic? Never…’ Her expression was the same monotone as ever, but Peridot could see the faint blush after she laid eyes on her.

“Hey Lazuli, you should have just waited for me in the parking lot instead of coming all the way over here, but either way, ready to go?” Peridot swallowed her anxiety and tried to act as cool as the blue haired girl in front of her, with moderate success; said girl was not taking her eyes off of her, making the blonde fidget even more.

“Sorry, of course” Said Lapis, finally snapping out of it and offering her arm in the way that 1920’ gentlemen would; Peridot hesitated for a second before confidently taking her arm and walking towards the exit “I suddenly feel severely underdress”

“Don’t worry about this thing, I didn’t have anything to wear and my sister offered to take me shopping” The short girl thought for a moment before continuing “She didn’t offered, as much as she took over the efforts of finding me something wearable”

“Her name is Pearl, right?”

“Yeah, how did you know?”

“You mentioned it once” Waived Lapis once they got to her car, she opened the doors and started the engine; she resumed talking again without making eye contact “Tell Pearl she did a good job, you look great tonight”

“Thank you” None of them talked for a considerable stretch of time; the atmosphere felt different, this wasn’t their usual trip to follow the bus every night, there was anticipation in the silence and Peridot was too shy and scared to break it. _I would give anything to know what Lapis is thinking right now_

“So, is Zircon finally going to tell Beth of her crush tonight?” Lazuli broke the silence once it had started to become unbearable. The blonde appreciated the innocuous subject “Or is she going to keep playing coward until Beth is forced to pin her to the wall?”

“Do you think she likes her?” 

The blue haired girl snorted and raised an eyebrow in Peridot’s direction “Only a blind man could miss that those two have been pinning for each other for so long” a small pause “Although, on second thought, that’s unfair to blind people, it would be obvious even to them”

Peridot smiled, though she was sure that Beth reciprocated Yvonne’s feeling, it was nice to have an unbiased confirmation “Good point. I think she’ll try to tell her today, can’t really say if she’ll succeed.”

“Do you think we’ll see them dance again?”

“God, I hope for the sake of our mental heal we won’t have to” The space between them now felt more comfortable, filled with their usual banter that put them both at ease; Peridot hesitated before speaking, afraid of breaking the moment, but ultimately decided to go for it “We could teach them how to move, last time we weren’t half bad”

The car stopped a little too suddenly at a red light. The blonde smirked confidently when she spotted the first full-blown blush her partner had on her face. Lapis tried to keep her voice as neutral as she could, but not fooling anyone “We were pretty good that day, we could try again, if you’d like to”

“I would very much like to try again” She would like to try dancing with her again, try being a good friend again, and try being something more again; Peridot only hope the meaning behind it was not lost to Lapis. 

“I think I would too” The blue haired flashed her a smile that made the short girl’s stomach flip with anticipation. 

They got to the bar five minutes after that exchange; they got off the car, Lapis again offering her arm for Peridot to take it, this time with no hesitation. They were greeted by a very loud and very drunk Yvonne Zircon. To their surprise, Beth Zircon also seem to have had a few cups too many. 

“Hey guys, how’s the second hottest couple of the school?” The taller blonde stood up and staggered towards them slurring her words a little.

Peridot decided not to ask what she meant by second… and couple, but instead took her to the table were Beth was waving at them “Hey how long have you been here?”

“Only an hour, I needed some liquid courage to finally tell her but I don’t think it’s working” That last part was whispered into Peridot’s ear a lot louder than it should have been. The four of them sat down and watched as the brunette leaned her head sleepily on Yvonne’s shoulder. “You know, the mojitos here are excellent, you should definitely try one”

“I’m good, thanks” Answered Lapis with amusement 

“We were actually thinking about going dancing” The short girl was never very comfortable around drunken people so she took the first exit she could find.

“Of course, go on little Dot, make me proud” Zircon shouted wiggling her eyebrows up and down. 

Peridot sent her friend a death glare and took a laughing Lapis by the hand towards the dance floor when they started to move to the rhythm of the music. It was noisy and they had to come really close to each other to talk.

“I’m sorry about Zircon, she has a better filter when she’s sober” The blonde nearly shouted into her partner’s ear.

“Does she really though?”

“You may be right”

“I’m always right” And when the lively pop music changed to a slower, popular R&B song, the blue haired girl brought her closer placing her hands on her neck, making the short girl put her hands on her hips “But enough about them, let’s enjoy now”

Peridot nodded and almost immediately lost track of time, they were very close to each other, swaying gently to the music, much like teenagers would do on their first prom night. This dance was very different from the one before; that was a lot more sensual, and had an undercurrent of need behind it that, in this case, was in the back burner. Here, there were no wandering hands, only warm and hesitant ones. The music changed but none of them seemed to care, it was a beautiful moment that only the two of them were sharing. 

Peridot looked up and found blue eyes staring directly into hers. She remembered the first day she saw them, how dead they had looked, and now they were the most expressive she had ever seen them. Fear, want, care, hurt, all of those emotions were plain to see in Lapis’ eyes. Neither of them could tell who approach the other first; it was a pulled they both felt, inevitable and overpowering. In a second they were kissing for the first time. 

It definitely wasn’t like in the movies, their noses got in the way, Peridot lips were very dry and the music was deafeningly high. It didn’t matter to them; the kiss was tentative, soft and scared just barely brushing and yet enough to make the blonde’s heart speed up. Lapis was gently cupping her face, thumbs moving in a circular motion, while Peridot’s hands were trying no to shake too much. After what seemed like an eternity to the two partners, the hesitance and tenderness gave way to more confidence; mouths opened, tongues found each other, hands moved farther up grabbing hair and bringing them even closer. 

It was passionate; it had a thick layer of desire underneath, but also fear, which made it desperate at some points. Peridot wasn’t even aware of her irrational anxiety over opening her eyes and see that Lapis was gone, the only thing she could do was keep kissing her before her bubble burst. Vaguely she could hear in the background a very drunk Yvonne shouting, “Dot is getting laid tonight” 

When they finally separated, their eyes locked looking for reassurance, for a sign that what they did was right. Unsure of what they found, both breathing heavily went back to the table, hand in hand, but maintaining an awkward distance between them. They were greeted by two smiling Zircons who were going to tease them mercilessly. 

“Well love birds, I think you gave us quite the show” Yvonne took her glass and held it high “You had us flustered over here, cheers to that”

“Fuck off Zircon” Lazuli said flipping her off, while Peridot blushed from head to toe.

In an attempt to hide her embarrassment, she took her phone out with the hand that wasn’t currently being held by Lapis. To her surprise, she had a notification from Facebook that her friend Yvonne Zircon had tagged her in a photo. A cold shiver run down her spine, frantically Peridot opened the app praying that her suspicions weren’t reality. But there it was, a pretty clear picture of her, kissing Lapis; with trembling fingers she clicked the option that said ‘seen by’. 

Her mother’s name was there.

Lapis’ hand was on her shoulder, concerned expression on her face. Peridot looked up, directly at Yvonne, anger consuming her “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?”

“What are you talking about?” The tall blonde was having trouble focusing on a specific point in space.

“You posted a picture of me kissing Lapis, what the hell were you thinking?!?” Peridot was very agitated, standing up confronting Zircon “My mother saw that”

“Who has their mother on Facebook?” Slurred Yvonne.

“I DO”

“Peridot, calm down” Lapis was also on her feet, trying in vain to get the short girl to look at her. She wouldn’t respond, all her anxieties and worries had become anger against her former friend; she was not thinking straight either.

“I don’t care if you don’t have the balls to tell Beth that you’ve been drooling over her for years, you don’t get to fuck with other people’s relationships” Peridot said it loud enough, everybody at the table stood still, even Yvonne seemed to have sobered up somewhat. Beth was staring at Zircon with huge eyes, while she stubbornly refused to reciprocate. 

The short blonde knew she had said too much, but she didn’t care at the moment; it felt like her world was falling apart, it was only fair that she had company being miserable. Zircon approached her menacingly and only stopped when Lazuli put a firm hand on her chest, positioning herself defensively between the two. 

“Thank you for that little Dot, did it make you feel better telling everyone that? Did you feel bigger?” Yvonne’s voice was low and controlled; the slurring could only be heard if one was looking for it “Do you know why I call you Little Dot? It’s because you’re insignificant, a dot in the universe that I used to pity. You are scared all the time because you can’t handle the big bad world.”

Lapis pushed Zircon once she was finished. By the time she turned around to look at Peridot, she had already run away from the bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that this is a day late right after I told you about being back on a regular schedule, but new year's eve attacked and I could only finish it now.  
> I seriously love to hear your thoughts, I get giddy every time I see a new comment.


	9. Starting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I come back from the dead after the new episodes of SU to bring you an emotionally charged chapter, I hope you like it.  
> TW for panic attack (not graphic) and coming out.

_Karma is a bitch_ That was all Lazuli could think before rushing to get out of the bar to hopefully catch the blonde before she disappeared; the weather was certainly cold, and Peridot was not even wearing pants, something that the blue haired girl was grateful for an hour ago, but now made everything worse. She only had one regret though, and it was not punching the ever-loving shit out of Zircon; she could use someone to wipe the smirk off her face. 

It was dark, a shiver run down her spine as soon as she stepped outside; her leather jacket was still inside the place, but there was no going back to get it. Hopefully she would find Peridot before either of them could catch a cold. There was a small forest in the back part of the bar, Lapis prayed that her partner hadn’t gone in that direction and decided to look around before heading into the ominous trees. 

All over the parking lot there was nothing, not even in the adjacent streets. Lapis was steeling herself to go inside the forest when the corner of her eye caught a small movement inside her car. For the first time in her life, the blue haired girl was happy about her usual disregard for her own property, of course she hadn’t locked the car. She run as fast as she could to confirm her suspicions, and there she was, sitting on the floor of the backseat of her car rocking slightly and gripping desperately at her chest.

Peridot had her eyes shut and didn’t show any sings of noticing Lapis’ presence. It broke the taller girl inside to see her in that state; it looked just like it did that time after they interviewed amethyst at the Penitentiary, so hopeless, all she could do then was to hold her and wait until it was over. Delicately she scoped her up, huffing under the weight of her partner and placed her on her lap, facing her. Gently she took the small hands from where they were clutching her dress and placed them on her own back, hugging her small Peridot, applying pressure, hoping it was comforting. 

It took sometime, but Peridot’s breathing returned to a somewhat normal state, the tears stopped streaming down her face, and the hands holding on to clumps of Lapis’ shirt loosened up a bit. The blue haired girl felt her partner nuzzling her face on her tear-stained shirt and murmuring something.

“Sorry, I didn’t get that” Whispered softly into the blonde’s ear. 

“I’m sorry you have to put up with me. I am a mess” 

Lapis lightly scratched the back of Peridot’s head in an effort to get her to raise her head “Hey, look at me” The short girl reluctantly opened her eyes and stared into the blue eyes in front of her “I do not put up with you, I like being with you, I like the way you are, good things and not so good things too. I could have left, but I didn’t want to, because you’re not a burden”

More tears spilled from Peridot’s eyes when hearing that, all she seemed capable of doing was putting her head back into Lapis’ embrace. “And yes, you are a beautiful mess” The blue haired girl continued “But so am I for that matter”

They stayed like that for what felt like hours, just remaining in each other’s company, comforting each other. When the cold was too unbearable, Lapis set Peridot back down on the seat, reluctantly disentangling themselves. She switched positions to the driver’s seat, while Peridot laid across the back seat, her short stature allowing her to be in a fairly comfortable position. 

They drove in silence, only broken by the sporadic whimpers from the back. Lapis quickly realized that Peridot was in no state to be left alone for the time being, so instead of taking the route towards the blonde’s home, she headed over to her own place. In the parking lot, she gently coaxed the girl to stand up and walk towards he door. Once inside, she guided her to her room, removed her shoes, and wrapped her under her blankets. 

She quickly exited the room to go to her kitchen and get the newly bought pack of tea bags she had gotten that morning. Lapis mentally smacked herself in the head when she remembered what she was thinking when getting the tea. She had expected Peridot to spend the night under very different circumstances. 

Once the water boiled and the tea, honey and milk were poured over, Lapis took it to her room where Peridot was resting. She sat on the edge of her bed and took her partner’s hand. “Are you feeling better?” 

“A little” Came the unconvinced answer from underneath the covers.

“Here, I brought you tea” Slowly, Peridot emerged from under the covers and gingery took the hot beverage. “The bathroom is outside to your left. I’ll be in the couch if you need anything” 

Lapis was standing up from her spot when a lightning fast hand grabbed her own; pleading eyes looked straight at her “Please don’t go. I don’t want to be alone right now”

Lapis hesitated, not sure if she would be crossing any boundaries, but the helplessness she saw there made her reconsider. Slowly, as one would approach a caged animal, she got under the covers and placed her arms around the short girls waist, keeping a safe distance between the two of them. It didn’t seem to be enough for Peridot though, because the moment she felt the contact, she turned around and pressed them together. Not really knowing what to do, Lapis just laid on her back and soothingly rubbing the back of the girl that was currently half way on top of her. It didn’t take long before the blonde fell into an uneasy sleep. 

Lapis’ sleeping habits were nowhere near normal. Sometimes, she would stay awake all night, staring at the celling, living in an almost intermediate state, waiting for dawn to finally give her an excuse to move around and pretend to be alive. Other times, she would sleep for hours on end, going to bed at seven and waking up past noon with no apparent reason; even after so many hours of sleep, she didn’t feel any more rested than before. That night she was in the middle of one of her no sleep cycles, she wouldn’t have slept regardless of the tiny girl desperately clinging to her torso, and yet, the emptiness that usually accompanied those long hours of that in-between state of wakefulness and slumber was substantially diminished, still there, but low enough that could be ignore in favor of the warmth emanating from Peridot.

They stayed like that all night. At the crack of dawn Peridot started to stir, not having had a very peaceful sleep. Her green eyes opened slowly, confused for a moment about where they were, until they fell on Lapis. The blue haired girl was afraid to break the silence and bring them back to the real world, so she just stroked the blonde’s hair softly, trying to figure out if the worst had passed. 

“Are you hungry?” Lazuli asked, suddenly remembering that normal human beings felt the need to eat at times. 

“Not really” Peridot’s voice was raspy, tired, but at least it didn’t seem like it was going to break. “I just want to hide here for as long as I can”

“We can do that for now” Lapis responded while she resumed stroking her hair “But you need to face the world at some point”

“The world can wait a few hours”

And they stayed in bed for a few more hours, neither of them sleeping, lost in thought, until Peridot’s stomach growled loudly. The short girl hid her face on her partner’s side, too embarrassed, while Lapis chuckled lightly. She got out of bed and headed towards the kitchen to prepare something for the both of them. Before the scrambled eggs could be completely cooked, Peridot entered the room with last night’s empty cup of tea.

“Help yourself to hot water, tea bags are in the counter”

They sat down and ate in silence until Lapis spoke after they had finished “Do you have a plan about what comes next?”

Peridot gulped heavily before answering “Not a good one. So far I was thinking about hiding out here for all eternity”

“You’re more than welcome to stay here as long as you want, you make a very warm comforter” The blonde girl’s cheeks heated up a little, relieving some of the tension “But after some time people would think that I killed you, and I really don’t want cops coming to accuse me of murder”

“I would defend you in court”

“Your death is the reason they would take me”

“Fine” Peridot sighted and looked down to her half empty cup of tea, Lapis squeezed her hand for a second. “I’ll talk to my mother” The blonde raised her head, hesitating, evaluating her next move. Averting her gaze, Peridot cleared her voice and shyly asked “What should I tell her about us?”

Lazuli was definitely not expecting that question so soon, it took her so much by surprise that not even her perfectly trained face could contain the expression. It took her a few seconds, in which Peridot said nothing but grew more and more anxious “I… Why… What do you mean exactly?”

Peridot smiled lightly, it wasn’t easy to leave Lapis speechless “I mean, I would like to know where we stand before facing one of my biggest fears; she saw a picture of us, after all”

After the initial shock had gone away, Lapis fidgeted with her hands while she took a minute to think about what she was going to say “I like you a lot, as I said before, you make me feel, not just in the romantic sense, but feel everything else. It had been so long since the last time I truly cared for something and now I care about the case, I care about what I’m going to wear, and I care about you”

“I care about you too” A very flustered Peridot said. 

Lazuli smiled, a warm sensation in her stomach. “But everything I told you the other night still stands, I don’t trust myself not to hurt you when I inevitably go back to the way I was”

The blonde’s face fell for a moment, but confusion later set in “Why do you think it’s inevitable?”

“That’s the way it has always been”

“It doesn’t have to be that way” For the second time that morning, Lapis found herself surprised by the confidence in Peridot’s voice; she looked at her straight in the eyes, firmly stating an obvious fact to her “You are sick, depressed Lazuli, but that only means that we would have a lot more work to do”

“I don’t follow”

“It means that I want to be with you, and that I know that it won’t be easy” Peridot’s face never waivered “I’m here to help you, but I need to know if you want to be helped” The blonde girl continued softly, begging for understanding with her eyes “I wish I could be your cure but it doesn’t work that way. The cycle is going to repeat itself if you let it”

Lapis froze in place; she had never actually considered whether or not she felt more comfortable in her numbness, although it hurt, it felt a lot safer behind her uncaring façade. Suddenly, tears prickled at the corner of her eyes; Lapis Lazuli was crying for the first time in ten years, it was so unexpected that the blue haired hair had to touch her cheeks to fully comprehend what was happening. Slowly, she nodded, speaking with a trembling voice “I want to get better, I don’t want to feel like this anymore”

Peridot walked up to her, gently wiping the tears from her eyes, kissing her for the second time in twenty-four hours. The kiss was soft and chaste, full of support and promises for the future. Once they separated, Lapis kept them close in an embrace that lasted for what felt like hours for them. Feeling more hopeful than ever, the blue haired girl realized that they still had another topic to address. 

“For real now, what are you going to do with your mother?”

“I was hoping you, and the world, would forget” 

“Not chance” Lapis whispered into her partner’s ear “I’m not the only one who has to watch out for her mental health now”

“I know, I want to control these breakdowns some day” The shorter girl spoke, muffled by Lapis shirt “I have to call her, I guess.”

“You don’t _have_ to do anything”

“I know, but it is time to come clear” Peridot stepped out of the embrace and blushing furiously asked, “Maybe even tell her that I have a beautiful girlfriend?”

The insecurity behind that question broke Lapis’ heart just a little; she nodded slowly keeping eye contact “Yes, you can tell her that”

“Oh thank God” The blonde whispered low enough for Lazuli to almost miss it; she chuckled at that and hugged her girlfriend one more time. “I’m so terrified Lapis, when my sister came out it was horrible”

“Everything will be alright” Lapis took out Peridot’s phone from her pocket, that she had previously gotten from her nightstand, and placed it on the table in front of the two of them. “I can’t promise you that she’ll react well, but I can promise you that I’m here for you, no matter what”

“Thank you”

“I can give you privacy if you want” The blue haired girl started to move towards the exit but a hand stopped her, just like the night before.

“No, please stay, I could use some emotional support” 

“As much as you need”

Peridot took the phone and sat on Lapis’ lap, she dialed the number and took a shuddering breath waiting for her mother to answer. From her position, Lapis could hear the sounds coming from the phone; Peridot didn’t seem to mind that fact. When the phone on the other line finally answered, the blonde girl froze in place, only her blinking gave away that she wasn’t a statue.

“Hello? Is anybody there?” The voice on the other end of the line was low pitched, with a tone that showed a wealthy background. Lapis wondered about this, considering briefly everything she didn’t know about her now girlfriend. “Peridot is that you?” the last question was utter with fear and tiredness.

“Yes, it’s me. Hello mom” The short girl managed to say after a small nudge from the girl she was currently sitting on. 

The was a pregnant pause before Mrs. Green continued “How have you been?”

“I’ve been good, school just like always, been working on a case”

“Great”

“What about you?”

“I’ve been better, Peridot” The short girl’s face fell; Lapis could nearly feel the anxiety coming from her. The blue haired girl made a movement to let her talk to her mother, if that woman was going to act all disappointed in her daughter she was going to give her a piece of her mind _Who does she think she is?_ Peridot made a gesture signaling for her to calm down; Lazuli could do that for now, but she better not hurt her girlfriend.

“I assume you know why I’m calling”

“Yes, I think I do”

“Mom look…”

“I’m sorry”

There was a stunned silence in the room, neither girl truly believe what they had just heard, there must have been some sort of mistake “I beg your pardon?”

“I am sorry, my child” The voice gulped and took some time to get herself together “I am terribly sorry that I ever made you feel like you couldn’t trust me. I know I didn’t react well when your sister came out and I that is one of my biggest regrets; I drove her away, and even now I barely talk to her at all. I don’t want do make the same mistake with you.”

“So, you’re not mad?”

“Well, I would have like not to have found out you were gay by seeing a picture on Facebook, but that’s my fault, I’m angry at myself”

“I don’t know what to say, I never expected this”

“If I’m being honest, neither did I. I’m scared of messing everything up again”

“You can ask me anything”

“Are you happy?”

Peridot swallowed saliva in an attempt to keep herself from crying. Lapis tightened her hold for support “I am mom, thank you”

“That’s the only thing that matters” The both went silent before Mrs. Green spoke again “Can I ask you who that girl on the picture was?”

The blue haired girl perked up when hearing this, while Peridot turned completely red, angling her face away from her partner’s, never leaving her lap nonetheless “Her name is Lapis Lazuli, she’s my girlfriend”

“Oh! Wonderful, how is she? Does she treat you well?”

“She is amazing mom,” This was very awkward and oddly sweet at the same time; hearing you girlfriend describe yourself to her mother was certainly a new experience for Lapis “she’s been there for me even when I messed up and didn’t deserve it”

“I’m glad, how long have you been together?”

Peridot blushed even more, clearing her throat loudly before answering “About an hour”

“You’re still with her, is that right?”

The blonde girl briefly looked at the girl behind her, as if to make sure she was still there and flashed her a quick smile “Yeah, I’m at her house right now”

“You’re at her house” There was a small pause while Peridot’s mother thought “Well, be safe and use protection, I don’t know how that would work for you, I need to do some research on that.”

“MOM!” Peridot screamed completely embarrassed while Lapis tried laughing as quietly as she could, hiding her face on the blonde’s back.

“Peridot, this not something to take lightly. I gave you the talk about boys when you were thirteen now I have to complement it with the talk about girls”

“Just kill me already”

“It’s not something to be embarrassed about, after all you’re here for a reason”

“PLEASE STOP” Lapis’ whole body was shaking, trying to keep her laughter to a minimum. Peridot just sat there, mortified that this is how the conversation turned out. 

“OK, but we will definitely go back to this” Peridot’s mom seem to hesitate for a second before attentively asking “Would it be possible for me to meet her at some point?”

Peridot glanced briefly at Lapis, who was freaking out internally, nodding once in her direction, before speaking “I would have to ask her, but I don’t see any problems so far”

“That would be fantastic. We could also invite your sister, that way I could finally meet Sheena” There was a sadness bigger than anything else Lapis had heard before in that voice “Could you ask her? Pearl tends to avoid my calls”

“Of course”

“I’ll let you got back to your girlfriend now. I love you Peridot”

“I love you too mom”

Peridot hung up the phone and all the tension visibly left her body, Lapis took her delicately from her hand and lead her to her couch, where they both sat side by side, in astonished silence. The short girl was the first to break the silence “I did not see that coming” 

“That went better than you expected” The blue haired girl stated the obvious.

“Understatement of the year”

“Now that you have talked to your mom and decided to face your biggest fears, what do you want to do now?”

“Given that is Sunday, and I can’t go swimming with sharks until Monday, I don’t have to do anything except help you find a good psychologist”

“Yeah, I need to get on that” But neither of them made any attempts to move or do something productive “Have you thought about what you’re going to do with Zircon?” With only thinking about her, Lapis felt all the fury she had left in stand by the night before return at once. “I wouldn’t mind punching that huge nose of hers”

“I would rather you didn’t” Said Peridot softly. _Killjoy_ “I still don’t know what to do about her, but I’ve had enough emotionally draining conversations for one day, I’ll deal with it tomorrow” 

“That’s alright, you can take as much time as you want. Although my offer to give her a shiner still stands” The blonde’s only response was to roll her eyes while Lapis grumbled “At least that means that we don’t have anything to do today, we can just hang out here and watch Netflix” 

“I like how you think Ms. Lazuli”

“Is that the only thing you like about me Ms. Green?”

“Not by a long shot, girlfriend”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been wanting to write this chapter for a long time, I hope I did it justice. I was thinking of writing a bonus chapter in Yvonne's POV, dealing with the aftermath of the Zircons; let me know if that's something you'd be interested in.  
> As always comments and kudos make my day a little brighter.


	10. Bonus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, this story got to 102 kudos! I'm so happy, thank you so much for all the support; as JK Rowling said "No story lives unless someone wants to listen"   
> And without further ado, here's the Zircon bonus chapter.

Yvonne just wanted to die; her head was pounding, her eyes were being stabbed by the light of the digital clock, and her stomach was seconds away from returning whatever it was that she ate last, before all the alcohol that was making her severely dehydrated now entered her system. _What is the point of drinking thirty-dollar tequila shots if I’m still going to end up throwing them up?_

As soon as she felt the telltale signs of vomit making its way to the surface, she quickly stood up with wobbly legs, clearly still under the effects of whatever she had ingested the night before (she had lost track of all the different types of liquor), and tried to get to the bathroom before she made a mess in her room. It was still dark outside, making it difficult to distinguish all the things scattered across the floor. That disconcerted Yvonne to no end, last she remembered her room was spotless, meticulously arranged to her own liking. She probably had trashed her place when she got home, but how did she get home to begin with?

In normal circumstances, Zircon would have spent a good amount of time pondering about all those questions, but her body had its own priorities on what to do first. Tripping on a shoe and falling on her face half way out the door, Yvonne realized for the first time that she was, actually, in an unknown place. Heaving on her hands and knees, the blonde woman crawled blindly to where she thought the bathroom might be. 

Suddenly the lights came on and Yvonne had a small moment of panic when she realized that she was uselessly drunk with a stranger, in an unknown place. _This is how I die._

“Nonononononono” Instead, a beautiful voice came from somewhere above her, strong hands holstered her up by her arm pits and half dragged her to where she wanted to go “God damn it Yvonne, you’re worse than a child”

The luminescent creature dropped her unceremoniously next to the toilet, which was promptly used by Yvonne. As the dying woman was emptying the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl, she couldn’t help but feel a great deal of gratefulness for her savior, glancing at her out of the corner of her eye “I wasn’t good enough in life to be sent an angel to care for me”

The black haired angel rolled her eyes, staying at a safe distance to avoid any splatter. “Not in the mood for your cheap pick up lines”

No, the angel didn’t understand. _How could I even try to flirt with someone so beautiful?_ but in her state, the only thing that came out of her mouth was “Not a pick up line”

“Whatever, are you done?”

Yvonne was indeed done with her display of human misery, sickly she took the glass of water the brunette offered her, first washing her mouth and then drinking whatever was left. The glass made a small clank sound when she left it on the floor, too tired to stand up and face her angel. She could only lay her head on the cool floor, while a pair of fluffy pink slippers run up to her.

“No, don’t pass out on the floor” The last thing the blonde heard before falling asleep was the beautiful woman cursing at her for being a fucking asshole. 

Yvonne didn’t know for how long she was unconscious, or how she had gotten to the bed again after falling asleep on the bathroom floor; she wouldn’t complaint though, the bed was very comfortable and smelled of something sweet, maybe coconut? She had definitely smelled it before but couldn’t place where. She was slipping off into slumber again when a good amount of cold water got splashed on her face. The tall woman woke up with a start; the sudden movement making her head feel like someone was hammering inside it. 

“WHAT THE HELL?” Yvonne shouted, immediately regretting her decision when the pain shot through her temples. Scrunching her eyes, she tried to dry herself with her hands. 

“Oh good, you’re awake” Beth was standing a few feet away from her, empty glass on her hand, arms crossed, staring harshly at her. She looked positively disheveled; she had huge bags under her eyes probably from sleeping on the sofa, her usually orderly ponytail was a mess, and the light make up she had applied the night before was smudged all over her face. She was still the most beautiful woman Yvonne had ever seen. 

“You left me little choice on the matter” Despite her distraction with her friend’s appearance, the tall blonde was definitely annoyed, wishing her glare could do more than just mildly inconvenience people.

“Shut it cry baby, I got enough of your whining last night” And at that moment the hangover woman remember the bathroom incident and realized that her friend had probably dragged her to bed at least twice.

“I’m sorry” Yvonne just hung her head low, ready for the brunette to kick her out of her house.

“Did you mean it?” Beth’s voice was low; she wasn’t looking at her, but at the floor. Her attitude was off, she wasn’t embarrassed but rather disappointed. It filled her with dread, Yvonne was sure her brain was refusing to remember last night’s events for a reason; she just hoped she hadn’t done anything irreparable.

“Did I mean what?” Dread filling her body. 

“Did you mean what you said about Peridot?” Yvonne closed her eyes as everything came back rushing to her mind “Did you mean it when you said that you’re only friends with her out of pity? 

“Oh crap. I’m a piece of shit” The tall blond covered her face with her hands, too ashamed to do anything else. She had been so angry at what she felt as Peridot’s betrayal, but now, sober and with a cold head, she could see where she had crossed the line. “No, I didn’t, I just lost it for a moment there”

“How can you that so blasé about it?” Beth was furious now, raising her voice, trying to find an explanation. “I’m not that close to Peridot, but even I know that was a low blow; the girl was doing better now and I don’t think you helped”

“I know, I tend to forget that people have feelings when I get mad” Yvonne’s voice was full of self loathing, spitting the words with disdain “I go for whatever will hurt the most. It’s not the first time I have gotten drunk and ended a friendship”

“Why do you call her Dot, then?” The tall brunette wasn’t entirely convinced, but looked like she wanted desperately to believe her friend. Yvonne had already resigned herself to stop talking with both Beth and Peridot, so she had nothing else to lose.

“It was never out of pity” Yvonne slowly stood up and started to grab her shoes to stop bothering Beth with all her problems “She did look so tiny when I met her, so… so… innocent; it seemed to fit a the time; the little Dot that could” The blonde sighted. “I know it may not look like it now, but I truly care for her”

“Ok, that’s good” The dark skinned woman walked out of the room without saying another word. Zircon’s stomach dropped but continued gathering her things; it was pretty much what she expected. 

When she was finished, Yvonne went to the kitchen where her long time crush was sitting eating breakfast “I’ll pay for the cleaning of your bathroom; I’ll send someone in an hour if you’ll still be here by that time. I am so sorry for ruining the night, making a huge mess, making you carry me to your bed after passing out on my own vomit, and probably making you all around uncomfortable, it will never happen again I give you my word”

“What will you do about Peridot?” Asked Beth, after nodding, sipping her cup of coffee with disinterest. 

“I’ll go and apologize to her, see if I can rescue something resembling a friendship from last night’s wreckage” Yvonne was heading out the door before turning to say one last thing. Beth looked as if she was about to say something but signaled for her to continue. “Sorry, I just wanted to say that you can feel free to ignore what you heard yesterday; this asshole won’t bother you anymore”

“You are, I won’t dispute that” Beth stood up and grabbed a leather jacket from the sofa where she had been sleeping. Yvonne guiltily looked away, reminded of how she had taken her bed the night before “But also, I happen to like cocky, overly confident, but good hearted assholes” She handed the leather jacket to the very confused blonde “It’s good that you’ll go and try to fix things with Peridot, I wouldn’t want to have a crush on someone who’s just an asshole.”

Dumbfounded, Yvonne took what she was offered, still not fully processing what Beth had said “What… what… what is this? Why are you giving it to me?”

“This is your olive branch” The young brunette took another step forward, they were standing very close to each other now “This is Lapis Lazuli’s jacket, she left it behind yesterday at the bar when she went chasing after Peridot. I didn’t give it back right away in case you were actually the person I thought you were… and because it would have been awkward.”

Yvonne could only swallow hard at that “Did I pass?”

“You’re doing good so far, but jury is still out until you talk to Peridot”

Yvonne nodded rapidly, not knowing what to say or what she was feeling; at the moment, her whole being was buzzing with an unidentified emotion, but the law student was too overwhelmed to try and name it. 

“Good girl” Said Beth softly “Be careful though, I know Lazuli and she looked ready to beat you up last night”

“I deserve it” Yvonne couldn’t take her eyes off of Beth; she was hypnotized.

“You kind of do” Beth nodded solemnly “But try and not get yourself killed, I’m very interested in what comes out of that”

“I’ll make sure the hospital lets you in”

“Good, because you don’t stand a chance against Lazuli. Deep down you’re a nerd”

“Any other day I would have answered that with something witty to keep the banter going” Yvonne said, stupid expression on her face “But I can’t think of anything right now, again, you have done what no one else has been able to. You’ve left me speechless”

“It’s not that hard” Beth kissed her cheek, very close to the corner of her lip. “Now go, be a good person.”

Yvonne was silent for a few seconds, before regaining her senses. “I will try” As soon as she stepped out of the door, the shining sun reminded her of her hangover, the brightness was entirely too much for her eyes and she desperately needed at least six glasses of water, not to mention that her stomach was growling at being empty for far too long. She headed to the nearest dinner around for a revitalizing breakfast. 

Immediately after she took a seat at the restaurant, the blonde got out her phone and hired a cleaning crew to take care of Beth’s apartment. She had decided not to delve into Beth’s confession, it would stir up too many good feelings that she didn’t feel like she deserving at the moment; it would also cause her to lose focus on her mission, what Peridot had done by shouting to the world her most precious secret wasn’t OK, but she had no right to aim at what she knew was her friends biggest fear. _I have to stop doing that_

Fidgeting with the leather jacket in her hands Yvonne wondered whether her friendship could be saved; somehow, she felt more hopeful now than she did an hour ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, this chapter was going to have small snippets of the whole story from Zircon's POV, but just writing the scene in which Yvonne and Beth met was too long, so I decided to go with one of the suggestions I got last week and have their own separate story. The first chapter of "Being a Coward is Underrated" should be up tomorrow, I hope you like it.  
> Until then, as always, please let me know what you think (both good and bad) I love hearing from you.


	11. Getting Used To

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update is a few hours later than usual, the chapter got too long so I had to decide where to split it. I hope you like it!

Kissing Lapis felt so natural, it was like going back home after a long trip; awkward at first but after a while you couldn't think of a time you weren't there. Peridot could (and actually did) spend all afternoon and part of her evening watching cheesy sitcoms, ordering food and enjoying the fact that she had a new girlfriend.

“I should probably go” Peridot said when the sky was already dark, and Lapis was falling asleep on top of her in the couch. She didn’t make any movement to actually get up and go. 

“Yeah, you should” Lapis responded sleepily snuggling further into her embrace. “We need to get up early tomorrow and go talk to the cops”

“Ugh, you’re right, I had forgotten about it” The blonde gave her a small peck on her forehead, which made the taller girl look at her through bleary eyes “Will you pick me up tomorrow?”

“I don’t know, I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing a sweaty Peridot run all the way up to the Police station” A smug smile appeared on her lips as she lightly traced her fingers unconsciously through the short girl’s arms.

“How could you do this to me, the great and loveable Peridot?” Sarcasm dripping in her voice.

“It’s pretty easy actually” The blue haired girl closed her eyes once more “I would need some incentive to actually drag my butt there and take you, literal free rider”

Peridot pretended to think hard about it “I can think of a few things that would make you reconsider” Lapis perked up at hearing that, suddenly very interested. The blonde girl deliberately approached her girlfriend’s mouth, barely grazing their lips together “I could ask you really nicely”

“That would help a bit” The blue haired girl responded, breathing into Peridot’s open mouth.

“Just a bit? Then you leave me no choice but to bring on my secret weapon”

“Secret weapon?”

The shorter girl smiled and clashed her lips with Lazuli’s. They had kissed all through the afternoon, and while it had never gotten boring by any chance, those were lazy kisses, they were meant to get them comfortable with each other, tentatively exploring new territory. This one was entirely different; it started off just like any other, slow, deliberate movements making them sigh, until it wasn’t anymore. Neither of them realized the moment the atmosphere of the room began to change, but it was palpable. 

Lips began to hungrily move, tongues desperately sought each other, hands started to roam underneath shirts and to tangle in hair, toughing lightly. Lapis broke the kiss right at the moment where pants would have started to fly across the room if they had continued. Both of them were breathing heavily, foreheads touching, trying to calm down the wild beating of their hearts. 

“I will pick you up tomorrow” Lapis said gulping, keeping her eyes shut to regain her composure again. “That is some powerful weapon”

“It’s the first time I try it, to be honest” Peridot said, equally disheveled. 

“I certainly hope not the last one, though” The blue haired girl winked at her, which caused Peridot to blush furiously. Embarrassed, she hid her face on the crook of Lazuli’s neck making the girl shiver at the contact with the still tender skin; bright red scratch marks were plain for everyone to see “If you keep that up, you’re going to have to start buying my make up from now on”

“Sorry”

“Wasn’t really complaining” 

They stayed in that intermediate state, the calm before the storm, where they didn’t want to part ways, but were acutely aware that if they remained together any longer they would end up doing something that would put to much stress on the new relationship. Reluctantly, Peridot stood up, fixed her borrowed t-shirt that had mysteriously ridden up, and picked up her keys, wallet, and the dress she had worn the night before. Lapis only watch her form the corner of the room, her tan skin still red from their previous activities. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow” Said the blonde when she had everything.

“Be ready by nine o’clock” The tall girl said, giving her a chaste peck on the lips. 

Peridot smiled and walked out of Lapis’ apartment door feeling like a completely different person than the emotional wreck that walked in a mere twenty hours ago. Her mom still loved her, she had a beautiful new girlfriend, and tomorrow they were both going to check on the case that was looking incredibly good for their client. _Thing are really going well right now._

After a short bus trip to her dorm, Peridot was ready to just drop dead on her bed, when she spotted a human sized lump on the floor beside her door. The blonde was about to call campus security, cursing herself internally for never carrying the pepper spray Pearl gave her when she got into college. But she was too late; the trench coat clad person had taken her eyes away from her phone when she heard her coming. Yvonne Zircon quickly gathered all the food wrappers she had littered around her, and struggled to stand up with her stiff legs. 

The short girl slowly relaxed on her spot and stopped clutching her phone firmly; there was a tense moment between the two of them where they just stared at each other, not moving. Both of them looked away ashamed when it became too unbearable. 

“You’re looking good” Yvonne said not looking at her in the eyes. Peridot couldn’t tell if she was being mocked for her obviously burrowed t-shirt, too big for her small frame with big letters that read “WATER BITCH”, or if she was actually being sincere given that the weigh on her shoulders had vanished earlier that day. 

“How long have you been here?” The short girl asked colder than she intended, it annoyed her that she couldn’t tell Yvonne’s intentions anymore.

“How long would you consider it creepy?” The tall girl had winced at the remark, but tried to hide it behind a shaky smile.

“I’m not in the mood for your awful jokes”

“You would be surprised with the amount of times I’ve heard that today”

“Cut the crap Zircon, what are you doing here?” Peridot approached her door to unlock it, walking past her old friend.

“I wanted to talk to you” Yvonne’s voice was small, unsure of how she would be received. With her eyes downcast, she started fidgeting with her bag’s zipper.

Peridot stopped what she was doing, keys halfway to the keyhole. All the heat vanished unexpectedly at the sight of the cocky bastard actually being nervous, a feat only previously achieved by Beth. The blonde could feel the edge of everything she was trying not to think about threatening to break free. _Not now, not when I’m feeling this good._

“Zircon, I’m so angry at you right now, and I’m sure that you must be very angry at me too” Yvonne looked ready to protest, but stopped herself when Peridot raised and eyebrow at her. There was no way she wasn’t mad at the short blonde for screaming about her crush on Beth, even if she hadn’t realized it yet “I had the most weird and wonderful day today, that I’m not even sure if I’m dreaming. So, I’m going to be honest with you, I don’t want to deal with us right now. All I want to do is get inside and collapse on my bed.”

“I understand that” The tall girl looked at her feet not able to mask her disappointment. “I do have something for you” Opening her bag she took out a leather jacket “Lazuli left it at the bar last night, I thought she might want it back”

Peridot grabbed it and felt an overwhelming need to cry at the moment; she took some calming breaths and only nodded, in fear that her voice would break if she tried to speak. Yvonne didn’t look any better, all her collected self was gone; she took Peridot’s hand for a second and spoke with watery eyes “Call me whenever you feel like talking. Take care of yourself, Peridot”

“Take care of yourself too, Yvonne” As she predicted it, her voice indeed broke. 

********

Peridot mentally checked everything she had to do that day; first, she had to get dressed professionally to go talk to the cops about the Mendez case (and also to impress Lazuli, but those weren’t mutually exclusive); second, go and wait for her girlfriend on the street in front of her dorm to hand her her jacket and to go do their job; and finally, after they had gathered up everything they needed, she had to go and meet up with her sister and Sheena to tell them about their mother and… Lapis. The blonde girl was already jittery with nerves about that encounter; secretly, she was hoping her new girlfriend would want to meet them; it would mean everything to Peridot if they got along. _I’m going to die before this day ends._

Mechanically, she went through her morning routine; breakfast, brushing teeth, shower, and a halfhearted attempt at controlling her hair. She put on her favorite black suit and hesitated on whether or not she should wear her red bowtie; she decided for it looking at herself one last time in the mirror, before quickly gathering all the paperwork from her case and going out the door. She was still fifteen minutes early, but Peridot wasn’t risking being late.

At nine o’clock on the dot, Lapis’ old beaten up white sedan pulled on the curb. Peridot could see her girlfriend’s untamed blue hair from behind the driver’s seat and waived enthusiastically at her, even after it was impossible for the tall girl not to have spotted her. Lazuli smirked and opened the door for her to jump in.

“You look nice” Said Lapis after a quick peck on the lips, toying with the edge of her bowtie. _Yes, I knew it was a good choice._

“Thank you” Peridot was proud of herself for not stuttering that, but she still had a lot to learn to be smooth; her cheeks were on fire right then. “You don’t look bad either”

Lazuli just shrugged turning on the engine once more. The blonde could see a make up stain on the collar of her work shirt, it looked suspiciously like foundation; she was about to point it out, when the blue haired girl caught her staring at her neck and gave her a knowing look, Peridot remembered last night’s conversation and blushed even more furiously. 

“Hmm” The short girl cleared her throat after a few minutes of driving in silence “I have something that is yours”

“What is it?” Lapis asked curiously.

“Here” Once they stopped at a red light, Peridot handed her the leather jacket. 

“How did you get this? I was so sure I left it at…” Lapis’ face grew colder when she put two and two together. “Zircon came by last night, didn’t she?”

“Yes she did” Peridot sighted, still not sure of how to feel about Yvonne yet.

“What did she want?” The blue haired girl’s knuckles turned white because of how hard they were gripping the steering wheel.

“She wanted to talk”

“And?”

“And we didn’t” Peridot looked at her hands too ashamed to do anything else “I blew her off, I was so cold towards her and… I feel horrible now, but I’m still angry with her… I don’t know, I want to yell at her but at the same time I want to tell her about us and hear whatever sassy comment she would make” 

“Peridot stop” Lapis said firmly, glancing at her briefly “You weren’t ready to talk and that’s OK. It is also OK to have conflicting feeling about her, what she did to you…”

“And what I did to her” Interrupted the blonde.

Lazuli sent her a death glare and continued as if she hadn’t been interrupted “What she did to you, regardless of what may have triggered it, is not something that should be taken lightly. Hell, you have every right to not want to talk to her ever again”

“I still want to though, just not right now”

“And that’s fine, just like I still want to knock her out” Peridot chuckled, but got quiet when Lapis didn’t “What I’m trying to say is, you can take all the time you need”

“Thank you” And the blonde truly meant it.

“That’s what girlfriends are for” 

“Speaking of girlfriends” The short girl anxiously fidgeted with the hem of her shirt; taking a deep breath she continued “My sister and her girlfriend, maybe even soon to be wife, are coming this afternoon”

“That was a terrible segue” Lapis smiled at the girl beside her. 

“It worked just fine, we’re talking about it, aren’t we?”

“No, we’re talking about how you need to work on being smoother, you know, the whole wooing thing”

“I’m good at that, I wooed you”

“That was more of a ‘stars aligning’, and me being charmed by awkwardness kind of situation, rather than a conscious effort on your part”

“How do you know that was not my plan all along?”

“Touché” 

Peridot laughed, grateful for the short back-and-forth; it had definitely made her calm down, which appeared to be Lapis’ plan all along “Anyways, they are coming this afternoon and I was wondering if you’d like to meet them”

Nothing betrayed the blue haired girl’s cool exterior except for the faintest twitch in her eyes; she swallowed hard and answered “I can’t this afternoon, I have an appointment at two thirty with a psychologist” 

“Oh my God, that’s great Lapis!” Peridot genuinely smiled at her with a toothy grin, it was so hard to resist that even the tall girl reciprocated. “When did you get the appointment?”

“Last night, after you left” The tension left Lazuli’s eyes as she told the blonde her story very matter-of-factly “I searched online basically for the first psychologist that would let me schedule and appointment online, that’s how I found Dr. Universe. I figured that if I didn’t do it right away, I’d never do it.” 

“Dr. Universe, it rings a bell” Peridot muttered trying to remember where she had heard that name before “Are you sure that’s legit? Sounds like a made up name”

“I thought so too, but everything seemed to check out”

“I’m very proud of you Lazuli”

“To be fair, I’m kind of proud of myself too” She smiled. Lapis seemed to hesitate for a second before speaking again “I could still meet with you after my session”

“Are you sure? We could do it some other time”

“Yeah, I’m sure”

“Then yes, I would love that” Peridot took Lapis’ hand that was resting on the gear stick and squeezed it briefly “We could come and pick you up in my sister’s car”

“That would be a good change of pace” Lazuli teased while she was pulling into the Police department parking lot. Before the blonde girl could retort, she directed their focus to the task at hand. “OK, how do we approach this? Confident young lawyers? Friendly charming students? Clueless girls in need of rescuing?”

“I usually start with friendly, and then see what works better for the guy we would be talking with” Peridot suggested, remembering all those times she had to pretend to like baseball in order to be on the good graces of the District Court clerk. 

“Alright, conservative friendly approach it is”

Both of them exited the car together, taking some time to compose themselves and remember the facts of the case. With professional faces they walked up to the entrance where a young officer was sitting at the desk, he quickly set everything in order and smiled charmingly at both girls. Apparently, he couldn’t quite decide with whom to flirt. 

“What can I do for you, ladies?”

“We’re here to talk to Detectives Schaffer and Sullivan please” Lazuli was good at this, her smile was flawless for the untrained eye, only Peridot could actually see the tiniest hint of annoyance in her voice. 

“Of course, take a seat, I’ll call them right away”

“Thank you” The blonde responded just as friendly.

They waited for some time until two men emerged from the depths of the police station. The first one was a young black haired man in his late twenties, impeccably dressed in a suit; he had sharp curious eyes absorbing every shred of information. His partner was on his fifties, blonde hair and freckles all over his round face; he wasn’t in bad shape by any means, but it was painfully obvious that the weigh of his years was pushing down on him. 

The older man extended his hand in a friendly handshake “You must be the girls from the university, right?”

“Yes, I spoke with the secretary a few days ago” Peridot shook his hand, maintaining her agreeable demeanor “my name is Peridot Green”

“My name is Lapis Lazuli, I’m also working on the Mendez case”

“It is very nice to meet you, my name is Mark Schaffer lead investigator on the Mendez case, and this is my partner” He said pointing at the young man behind him “John Sullivan”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you”

“Please, come with me to my desk”

Inside, the Police Station was what anybody would expect from watching television; several rows of desks were position in at each side of the room, lots of files scattered across every one of them, loud chatter between colleagues, and a thick smell of coffee in the morning permeated the air. Detective Schaffer took them to one of the bureaus on the left, and motion for them to take a sea; he then took out a massive folder, overflowing with documents, labeled simply ‘Mendez’ and presented it to the law students.

“This is everything I have on the case” He said chuckling at the terrified expression on Peridot’s face. “Feel free to go through it and ask me, or the kid over here, any questions you want” 

“We appreciate your help very much” Said Lapis, still maintaining her friendly smile, but being less successful in hiding her annoyance. She handed half the stack to Peridot without even looking.

They could have asked for the interview transcripts right away, but instead, they carefully read every piece of paper the detectives had over the course of two hours to see if there was something new they didn’t have; it was essentially the same information Garnet had given them at the beginning of the semester accompanied by handwritten notes that were obviously only meant for personal use and were mostly impossible to read. When they finished going through everything, Lapis and Peridot exchanged a glance silently communicating that they hadn’t found what they came looking for. 

“Excuse me, detective Schaffer?” The blue haired girl called the man who had been quietly working by their side while the partners went through his documents. She slipped into her cool professional persona this time. “We were actually looking for some witness testimonies that are not here”

“Oh, that’s odd. Everything I have should be there, what exactly are you looking for?” The man looked at them confused. 

“The witness testimony about our clients whereabouts the night of the murder” Peridot followed her partner’s cue and continued to act more professionally detached than before “She’s claiming that she was still at the university at ten o’clock, we were looking for the testimonies that can corroborate that she was taking the bus shortly after”

The detective’s eyes lit up in recognition “Oh you mean those! We never took them”

There was a stunned silence, both students weren’t sure they had heard correctly; the old man had said it so lightly that maybe they had just misunderstood “I’m sorry, what do you mean you never took their statements?” Lapis’ voice was still calm if a little colder than before, but there was an unmistakably threatening edge to her voice. 

“Exactly that, there was never any need” 

“So you have another means of proving she was there, right?” Peridot supplied, trying to still find some faith in humanity in her. 

“No, but it doesn’t matter, she did it” The cop was strangely confused by the questions he was getting “She’s the only one who had motive, means, and opportunity”

“Just so we’re clear” Peridot spoke slowly, desperately wishing for an alternative explanation “you were so sure about Amethyst Mendez being guilty, that you didn’t bother to corroborate her side of the story”

“We did, we just figured it didn’t matter because she was exaggerating the time it took her to get home by bus, we did they same route in our car, it took us like twenty minutes” 

“I don’t think you know how buses work, they are slow and they stop to get passengers on and off” Lapis voice had clearly gone from professional, to the coldness that signaled any sensible living thing to back track immediately; normally, the blonde would have tried to deescalate the situation, keep everyone in friendly terms, but she didn’t feel too charitable towards the police man at the moment. “We followed the bus for a whole week, and it is just like she said”

“Girls, I’m going to give you some wisdom” His patronizing tone of voice made Peridot’s skin crawl, her partner beside her fisted her hands under the table, her expression never betraying anything “Crimes like this happen all the time in that neighborhood, people like them are used to killing each other. I know you’re probably young and idealistic now that you’re in college, but trust me, by the end of your career, you’re going to have seen so much shit that you’ll be able to recognize an open-and-shut case when you see it” 

“It is not surprise so many crimes are committed in this city” Lazuli stood up, eyes ablaze and chilly smile on her face. She looked like the personification of an angel of justice for Peridot “When their own police men think they have everything figure out, when they stop caring about the people, it is no wonder communities try and find their own justice. You are what’s wrong with the legal system, detective.”

“I don’t appreciate you tone, missy” Schaffer also stood up and pointed at Lapis like a scolding father, which only succeeded in making the girl angrier “It’s not my fault you don’t know how the real world works”

“I think you’re too wrapped up in your own narrative to actually see how the real world works” And with that, the girl turned around and left the precinct.

“What is wrong with her?” The detective asked Peridot, looking for sympathy. 

“Expect a formal complaint on your desk by tomorrow morning” And with that, she turned around and left, just as mad as her girlfriend had been.

She found Lapis reaching her car, where she swiftly kicked one of the car wheels muttering, “Fuck”. Peridot took her hand and tried to calm her. 

“Hey, it’s fine, we’ll get to the bottom of this” 

“Fuck, I hate this part of the job” She said after taking a few deep breaths, squeezing the short girl’s hand back. 

“It’s not my favorite either” 

From behind their backs, they heard a loud “Hey!” Detective Sullivan was running out of the police station trying to catch up to them before they left. He had some wrinkled sheets of paper on his hand, nervously shaking them. 

“What do you want?” Lazuli asked again, not having any patience left in her. 

“Here” He said giving Peridot the sheets, there were five names and contact information “Those are the witnesses that corroborate Ms. Mendez’s side of the story. I talked to them, but never got a formal statement; Schaffer never thought it was worth it. They seemed pretty eager to help, I’m sure you can get an affidavit or even get them to testify on trial”

“Why are you giving us this?” 

“There are people inside there that still believe in justice, and I honestly couldn’t shake the shame after what you said” She said addressing Lazuli “It is true what he said though, you get numb after a while, it’s not an excuse but you do forget to fight sometimes”

Lapis stayed quiet for a bit, looking to the side. Peridot shook his hand and thanked him, really hoping that it meant that there was still hope for the city. They both got on the car, letting what had just happen dawn on them. They now realized that they were against something much harder than a simple trial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think, I am over the moon with the response for this fic.


	12. Reconsidering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I didn't post last week, but I was really busy and could barely write, but I bring you angst this week, so I hope you like it.  
> On other news, I'm starting an internship tomorrow and depending on how much of my soul they take, updates might not be as regular as they have been, but don't worry, I'm NEVER abandoning this fic. I'll try my best to keep this weekly

The car ride back was tense, Peridot was fuming while driving aimlessly; the blonde wasn’t able to even properly revise the list of names Sullivan had given them, all she could do was plan inside her head the formal complaint she was going to stamp on that asshole’s desk the next morning. She was so wrapped up in her own anger that she didn’t even notice that Lapis hadn’t said a word since they left the station.

“AHHH How the fuck did Garnet not pick up on this?” Peridot almost shouted after they had been driving for ten minutes. It had just dawn on her, there was no possible explanation why their teacher hadn’t done the same thing they were doing, it didn’t take a genius to come up with their plan.

Lapis sighted, her detachment mask back on her face “I honestly don’t know.”

The short girl finally picked up on the change in mood her partner had; she had expected her to be that righteously furious justice angel she had met so many times in the past or at the very least some kind of annoyance. Something was definitely off.

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Peridot tried her most soothing voice, not sure what exactly was bothering the blue haired girl “this is just a minor setback, we’ll get something else.”

“I know, we’re not giving up yet,” Lapis responded with the same lack of emotion she was known for, not sparing a glance to her girlfriend.

“Are you OK?” The blonde asked after several minutes of silence when they were pulling on her dorms parking lot.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.”

That had the exact same effect on Peridot, her mind racing, searching for all the scenarios that could have upset her girlfriend. She felt the impulse to push the issue, but, even though it took her all her willpower, she decided to give her space. “I’m going for lunch with Pearl now, do you still want me to pick you up after your appointment?”

“What?” Said Lazuli distractedly “Oh, yeah, sure, I’ll wait for you guys outside”

“I’ll be around, please Lapis, if anything is bothering you, remember that I’m just a phone call away” Peridot was exiting the car when the blue haired girl stopped impulsively, after a brief moment of hesitation. 

“Wait, Peridot, I want to ask you something” Her face was still blank, but she wouldn’t meet her eyes.

“I’m here for whatever you need” Said the blonde reentering the car, and closing the car door behind her.

“Do you think I’m like him? Do you think I just gave up?” Her voice was so small that Peridot had to do a conscious effort to hear it. The blonde took Lazuli’s fisted hand on hers, as well as she could, and made her look at her.

“You’re nothing like him” It was a simple statement, full of confidence; it didn’t try to reassure or comfort, it was just a simple truth. Lapis snorted sarcastically, but the corner of her eyes was glancing at the short girl.

“Yeah, right. Peridot, have you been paying attention? I’m just like him, I feel nothing most of the time, I go do my job but I don’t care what happens”

“I think that’s bullshit” Again the plain statement of truth, Lapis couldn’t help but look at her with surprise “I think you care more than you give yourself credit for, the simple fact that you feel bad (And don’t try to tell me you don’t) about the possibility of being like Schaffer means you’re better than him.” The blue haired girl unclenched her fist and returned the squeeze. “And you know what else make you a good person? You want to get better, you’re going to see a doctor, and I’ll be here to buy you ice cream when you come back”

“Pistachio ice cream?” Asked Lapis trying to change the subject; the blonde could see that she was getting overwhelmed so she let it go.

“You’re weird, who likes pistachio ice cream?”

“Look who’s talking, you don’t like chocolate ice cream”

“That’s only because I don’t like the fake flavor” Peridot smile back at her, she hoped she had helped even if it was just a bit; the blonde was painfully aware that it was going to take more than a few words of encouragement to get Lapis to a point where she felt good about herself. “I’ll go pick you up at three thirty.”

“I’ll try not to get locked up in an asylum” The blue haired girl joked, but was met with a stern look from her girlfriend, she only smiled somewhat sadly and waved Peridot goodbye.

Still concerned about Lapis, Peridot went up to her dorm and quickly got out of her formal clothing. Nothing was comparable to the feeling of getting out of uncomfortable black pantsuits and into comfy jeans and a hoodie; as much as she loved her bowtie, the sacrifice of wearing it was too great. Pearl was going to be on her doorstep in half an hour, very punctual as usual, and she had to be ready.

As predicted, a firm knock on the door rang on her apartment right as the clock marked one o’clock. Peridot went to open the door and as predicted, her sister and Sheena were standing in front of her, hand in hand, the poster child of a happy relationship. Pearl smiled and hug her little sister a little too tight, while Sheena tried to remind her that human need oxygen to survive.

“Right, sorry Peri” Pearl said, a small blush on her face “I was just a little worried, why you called us up for lunch out the blue”

“That’s not fair, I always ask if you want to have lunch with me” Said the blonde a little offended.

“Usually you wait until the weekend and come down to the beach”

“Yeah” Peridot sighted, while she went to get her wallet and keys “there are a few things that I need to talk to you guys”

“Is everything alright?” Pearl asked, starting to panic as usual.

“Yeah, oddly enough I’ve been very happy the past few days” The younger Green said after she thought for a moment. Not counting the event that morning, or the Zircon situation that she refused to think about, she had been pretty happy all things considered.

“I’m so glad for you Peridot” Sheena said when her girlfriend was too busy fussing over the short girl to respond “Also, could I use your bathroom before we go? Pearl here was afraid we’d be late if I went before we left”

“I got us here in time!” Said the tall woman pouting slightly.

“And that’s why you exasperate me, but I love you” She kissed the former dancer on the cheek and walked to where Peridot was pointing. The short girl couldn’t help but snicker at her sister’s bright red face every time her girlfriend showed her affection publicly, even after all those years. That train of thought made her remember a very important detail.

“I didn’t see a ring on her finger, I’m guessing you didn’t do it” Whispered Peridot once the pink haired woman was out of earshot.

“No, I tried to do it last night but I may have burned the chicken I was preparing for dinner”

“Pearl, you really need to come to terms with the fact that you can’t cook” The shorter girl said shaking her head “At least did you hide it somewhere she can’t find it?”

“I couldn’t find a good place, I’ve been carrying it around all this time” Said Pearl sheepishly, fidgeting with the bulge on her pocket.

“BIRD THAT’S DANGEROUS” Peridot almost shouted a little too loud, lowering her voice once her sister started moving her arms frantically. “Just don’t be cheap and take her somewhere nice”

“I wasn’t being cheap I…” Pearl cut herself off when she heard her girlfriend coming through the door.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about but yes, you are cheap most of the time, honey” The punk rock girl entered the room, again easily making the former dancer red from head to toes. Sheena smiled cheekily and taking Pearl’s hand said, “Let’s go have some lunch”

After the sisters shared a pointed glance, the three of them got into Pearl’s car and drove to a nice little Thai place close to the campus. They sat in table on the corner and order whatever they wanted from the menu; the Green sisters, not being able to stand anything hotter than green peppers, ordered the non-spicy pad thai, while Sheena had a dish that had them choking just by the smell of it. They talk and laugh while eating, Pearl doing her best not to pressure the blonde into telling whatever she had to say, until desert came and she couldn’t hold it much longer.

“So Peridot, what was it that you wanted us to talk about?”

The short girl quickly had to decide on which topic to bring up first, she went with Lapis given that it was the safest one to begin with. “I have a girlfriend”

There was a small moment of silence where the former ballerina’s smile slowly grew into a grin and she started moving her hands around like an excited bird. Sheena lovingly put her hand on Pearl’s arms to calm her down a bit.

“I’m very happy for you Peridot” The pink haired woman said.

“Thank you” Peridot couldn’t help but feel very shy at their reactions.

“OK, tell me everything, is she your partner? How did it happen? When did it happen? Can I meet her?” Pearl rapid fired before her girlfriend took her hand again to calm her down.

“Yes, she’s my partner” the short girl started, blushing profusely and stammering slightly; she hadn’t had to let her sister know about a partner in a long time “Her name is Lapis Lazuli, also law student at ECU, and I’m pretty sure you’ve already conducted an investigation on her after you first heard of her from Garnet”

“Unimportant” The evasive response confirmed Peridot’s suspicions “I want to know what **you** think of her”

“I like her” That was enough to make her blush even harder, but Pearl wasn’t satisfied, she just raised an eyebrow and tapped her fingers “FINE, she taller than me, her hair is blue and pretty, I really admire how she’s always so confident and how smart she is, and I really like the way she looks at me that’s so different from the way she looks at everybody else. Are you satisfied?”

“Very much, actually” Her sister said with a soft smile. “Can you share any details of how it happened?”

“It was the night of the party I told you about, the one you took me to buy… clothes.” Peridot glanced briefly at Sheena and continued talking normally “We were dancing, we kissed, and went from there”

“What do you mean we went from there?” It was Pearl’s time to get all red then “Do… Do I have to give you the talk?”

Sheena was laughing hard at her girlfriend being flustered mess with a devilish look on her eyes “Honey, don’t be like that, it’s not like you know nothing about the topic.” She winked at her girlfriend, which made both Green sisters groan at the same time.

_I seriously did not need that much information_ The blonde girl covered her face with her hands, entirely too red for her own good, and spoke through her fingers, with a muffled voice. “God, you two are worse than mom!” 

Peridot heard the clattering of a falling fork on a plate and immediately knew she had said too much. Her sister had stopped acting like a thirteen year old who had heard the word sex in class, but was now looking very serious if somewhat a little pale. “What do you mean worse than mom? Does she know about this?”

“Yes, that was the other thing I wanted to talk to you about”

“What did she do now?” Pearl’s voice was cold as ice, her whole posture tensed up. Sheena stopped laughing after the sudden shift in mood acutely aware of the rocky relationship her girlfriend had with her mother, she wasn’t entirely sure about how to comfort her either.

“She was very understanding, actually”

“Why do I find that hard to believe?”

“She really was, I was so scared, but she was nice about it, if a little awkward”

“Did you just tell her?” The was the tiniest hint of hurt in Pearl’s voice, whether that was from Peridot telling her first or the former ballerina reliving her traumatic coming out, the blonde girl could not tell.

“No, she found out” Peridot didn’t want to elaborate on the subject, considering that Lapis already wanted Yvonne dead, it wouldn’t do any good to add her sister to the list of people who despised Zircon “I call her to clear things up, expecting the worse, but she apologized for handling your coming out so badly and making me scared to tell her.” Pearl closed her eyes and bit her lip trying not to cry, still, despite her best efforts, a few tears escaped her eyes. “She said she’s so sorry about how she treated you”

“I don’t believe her, someone doesn’t just wake up one day and stops thinking everything she told me I was” Pearl’s voice was shaky, but her eyes, once she had prevented them from crying, were firm in their resolve.

“Pearl it’s been ten years” Peridot reminded her softly “Mom’s trying to understand; hell, we even had a very weird conversation about protection. She wants us to come and have dinner some time, get to know Sheena”

“No, not under any circumstance.” The older Green wasn’t shaking anymore, she was still ice cold but unwavering on her decision. “I’m sorry Peridot but if she wanted to get to know us as a couple she could have come sooner. I don’t believe her, and I’m not subjecting Sheena to all that”

“She said you never pick up the phone when she calls”

“SHE KNOWS WHERE I FUC…” Her sister stopped herself from shouting right before she swore for the first time in ten years “She knows where I live, she doesn’t have any excuses. I’m not going, I have to protect her from that” Pearl finished signaling her girlfriend with her head.

“I would appreciate it if you didn’t talk about me as if I wasn’t here” The punk girl corrected her kindly, she took her hand and spoke softly “I’ve told you many time that I don’t need protecting”

“Love, you weren’t there…”

“I know, and I’m not discounting anything that you went through.” Sheena’s voice was calming, full of support for Pearl “But I think that it might be a good idea to try and see what this is all about. I know this whole thing hurts you even to this day, maybe it could help you heal and get some closure.”

“I don’t want to”

“And I’m not going to force you, all I’m saying is that you mother could have truly changed”

They stared at each other for a long time, an entire conversation happening between them; it was such an intimate moment that Peridot had to look away, feeling as if she was intruding, hesitating on whether she should leave them alone. After what felt like years for everyone, Pearl finally sighted and turned to talk with Peridot.

“Alright, I’ll go to her little Ingalls reunion, but the moment she makes one of her malicious comments I walk out the door”

“That’s great! I’ll text her so we can set up a date” The blonde girl dared to hope to have her family together once again.

“Make it in a month, I need some time to mentally prepare myself” Pearl rubbed her forehead, already regretting her decision. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll call you with the details”

They finished their desserts in silence, all three of them deep in thought. Peridot could hardly contain her jittery energy that threatened to overpower her; she was fully prepared to deal with a hard no from her sister, and yet, everything had gone a lot smoother than she had anticipated. _Pearl is hurt, but I bet deep down she wants to believe too._

After they paid the check and went to Pearl’s car, Sheena asked, “We still have time here before we have to go back home, Peri. Is there anything you’d like to do? Or maybe you’d like to get away from the gloomy atmosphere?”

“Oh! I had totally forgotten, would you like to meet Lapis?” Peridot asked frantically checking her phone to see the time; they still had plenty to spare. “I promise to pick her up after her therapy session, but if you don’t feel like it I can go on my own”

Pearl looked at her with a sad smile “I would very much like to meet her” her previous excitement had been dampened a little, but her mood was getting better with that.

“Also, could we go to get a tub of pistachio ice cream first?”

“We just had dessert”

“Just go with it”

With a frozen tub of pistachio Ben & Jerry’s on her lap, Peridot searched on her phone for the address that Lapis had sent her earlier, and started directing her sister on the fastest route to get there.

“So, where are we picking her up?”

“We’re picking her up at a psychologist’s private practice”

“Nice, I once went to a psychologist nearby here, what’s the name of the doctor?” Sheena said cheerily from the front.

The short girl looked at her phone and found the name she was looking for. “It’s Doctor Universe” 

The car stopped with a little more force than necessary once they got to the red light. Pearl, again, had gone tense but let out a small nervous laughter when she realized the whole car had gone silent. “Sorry girls, I was daydreaming and almost didn’t see the red light” Neither Peridot nor Sheena believed that lie, the former ballerina was the best driver any of them had ever seen, there was no possible way for her to have almost missed the red light. They let it go nevertheless, wondering what was bothering her. “Do you know his name, by any chance?” Pearl asked again after a few seconds.

“You mean the doctor? No, it doesn’t say, why?” Peridot was even more curious now, she knew that name rang a bell.

“It’s nothing” The older Green tried to play it cool, but she was failing miserably “I just met a guy named Universe once, but I doubt he’s the same guy… let’s say he wasn’t a book smart type of guy” Some resentment seeped into her voice, which only made the occupants of the vehicle more concerned.

They parked outside the office, and waited while Pearl was anxiously tapping her fingers on the steering wheel. It was driving Peridot nuts until she saw a messy blue haired girl coming out of the building. She hadn’t seen them yet, which gave the short girl an opportunity to watch her walk in those ripped jeans and black leather jacket. The younger Green got out of the car, ignoring Sheena’s smirk and went to greet her girlfriend.

“Hi Lapis!” The blonde called, and Lazuli turned to meet her with a half smile on her face. They briefly kissed each other and continued talking. “How did it go?”

“As well as you could expect” The taller girl shrugged, giving a vague answer. She immediately changed the subjects pointing at the bag Peridot was carrying “What’s that?”

“I promised you ice cream, didn’t I?”

“I thought you were kidding”

“I never kid about ice cream”

While they were talking Pearl and Sheena walked up to them, staying at reasonable distance to give them some privacy. The former dancer cleared her throat when she realized that the two lovebirds hadn’t seen them coming.

“Right, Lapis this is my sister Pearl but you can call her Bird, it drives her nuts” Peridot laughed at the older Green huffing disapprovingly “And this is her girlfriend Sheena, one of the coolest people I know”

“I used to think that you said that because you didn’t know enough cool people, but seeing Lapis here, I feel flattered” The pink haired woman smiled warmly at both girls. Lazuli stared at Sheena with a weird expression on her face, but said nothing about it.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you” Her sister as formal as ever, extended her hand for Lapis to shake it, the blue haired girl didn’t seem phased by this and graciously shook it. “We should probably get going, what don’t we go somewhere to get to know each other better” Pearl was practically pushing them towards the car in an attempt to leave as soon as possible.

“Calm down Bird, why are you in such a hurry?”

“Nothing, it’s your ice cream it’s going to start melting if we don’t do something soon” Pearl evidently lied but continued ushering them to the car.

“Miss Lazuli” A soft melodic voice stopped them on their tracks. Sheena looked confused but her face turned into one of surprise after she saw the woman talking, Lapis kept her cool as always, and Peridot opened her eyes as big as plates recognizing instantly the voice speaking to them and dreading what was to come. Lastly, Pearl was just petrified on her place, not looking at the source of the sound, refusing to move, cold sweat running down her face. “You forgot your scarf at the office, I thought you might want it back”

“Thanks Dr. Universe” Lapis said after receiving her scarf from the pinked haired woman.

“You’re doctor Universe now?” Pearl asked with an emotionless voice. And it clicked for Peridot, she vividly remembered where she had heard that name before; it was a summer day nine years ago, and she had been holding her crying sister while she rambled about how the love of her life had left her for some dude who didn’t even had a real name.

“Pearl?” Dr. Universe asked also surprised to see her there. She was a tall woman, big and warm, her colored pink curls fell freely on her shoulders. Rose was older than Peridot remembered, but she had the same friendly, if airy, expression as always. “It’s been so long! How have you been?” The smile on her face seemed genuine to the short blonde, which only made her resent her even more. _She has no idea what she put her through._

“I’ve been good, graduated, finished the house, life is good” To any casual observer Pearl would just seem a little disinterested in the conversation, but to Peridot the pain behind her was clear as day “So, how have you been?”

“Great! I got married to Greg, hence the name, and have the most beautiful boy, he’s turning eight next month” The former ballerina closed her eyes for the briefest of moments as if she had been pierced with an arrow to the heart. Rose of course didn’t notice, too busy taking out her phone and searching for something “Would you like to see a picture of Steven?”

“Sorry, we’re in a bit of a hurry, maybe another time?” Pearl’s voice left it very clear that she did not desire another time. The pinked haired woman, finally catching up on the mood, put away her phone and awkwardly spoke.

“Sure, it was very nice to see you again”

“Likewise” Pearl responded, but her demeanor said everything but that.

Rose said goodbye to everyone, stopping briefly with Sheena and then returned to her office. Pearl did the same walking towards her car without uttering a word.

“So, she is the famous Rose Quartz” Sheena spoke and Peridot winced, having forgotten that she was there. None of the natural lightheartedness was present in her voice; her eyes were covered by her hair, which made it impossible to assess her expressions. “Funny, I always pictured her differently, more of a tall blonde worthy of the cover of a sports magazine. Never in a million years would I have thought that I saw her every time I look in the mirror”

“Sheena, it’s not…” Pearl tried to speak, but her girlfriend cut her off.

“Do you know how insecure I’ve been knowing that I had to compete with someone you left everything for?” A few tears were visible, running down her face.

“No, you never needed to compete. I loved her, yes, but I love you now” Pearl sounded desperate scrambling to get closer to Sheena, but she kept moving away.

“Do you really love me? Or do you just love her and settle for second best?” Sheena was openly crying now, never raising her voice, not angry, but miserable nonetheless. “Do you wake up in the morning, see me, and forget for a second that I’m not her?”

“NO! Never, you’re so much different than her, and I fell hopelessly in love with you, I want a life with YOU and only you.” Pearl desperately reached into her pants and took out the ring she had been carrying for days “I want to marry you”

“I knew you were trying to ask me, you’re terrible keeping secrets” Sheena wiped her tears, walked up to where Pearl was standing and gave her back the necklace she had given her after they had been together for a year “I would have said yes. God, I would have said yes in a heartbeat. But I can’t do that now, I can’t live wondering if you just settled for me”

“Sheena, wait”

“Goodbye Pearl”

Pearl put her hands on her head and scream “FUCK ME” from the bottom of her heart, raw and miserable.

Sheena turned around, surprise on her face at hearing her ex girlfriend curse for the first time. She then just smiled sadly and shook her head. “Are you talking to me or to her?”

Pearl sat on the floor, her germophobia forgotten for a moment, looking like a woman utterly destroyed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Pearl and I want her happy, but her character invites angst. I hope you guys liked it, please let me know what you think, and take care!


	13. Trying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about keeping to my old schedule and post this on Sunday, but let's face it, that schedule is long dead and I've made you guys wait long enough.   
> As you may know, I wrote a small story for Valentine's day alongside my friends from discord, our different takes on the fake dating prompt.   
> Also, the amazingly talented AlexVaz wrote a small Bellow Diamond piece set in this universe that I have declared it's totally canon.   
> And finally, we recorded the first pilot episode for a podcast about fanfiction called "I think we're (not) pretty great" that you can find on my tumblr and in soundcloud. We'll talk (and let's be honest, just gush) about our favorite fics; next week will be all about HMIOK. Be sure to check either of those things if they appeal to you, I think they are all great, but I may be a little biased.   
> Now that the shameless plugs are out of the way, on with the chapter. Enjoy!

Lapis awkwardly sat on her girlfriend’s couch watching how her pistachio ice cream was being devoured by a crying mess. To be fair, Pearl did need it more than her. She was the picture of a rom-com post breakup; mascara stains still dripping down her face, soupspoon tightly clutched shoveling unhealthy amounts of semi-melted ice cream, and red splotches all over her pale cheeks and around her eyes because of how much she was sobbing. The only difference was that in movies there’s always an upbeat music and a quirky friend that cracks jokes telling the protagonist how awful their ex was.

Peridot wasn’t the quirky friend, nor was she telling her that Sheena was a bad girlfriend; they all knew that it was not true and nobody tried to sugar coat it, the problems had been simmering under the surface for so long, neither party wanting to address them until they couldn’t be ignored anymore. 

The soft ping of a cell phone broke the tense atmosphere, making Peridot stop whispering soothing words to her sister. Pearl struggled to get her phone out as fast a she could, a flicker of hope appearing on her face for just a second; it didn’t last long though, after skimming the text, the former ballerina could only drop her phone, bury her face on her knees and sob even harder than before. 

“She… she… she is not… coming back home tonight… she’s picking up…her stuff… in the morning.” It was very hard to understand what the older Green was saying, but the partners got the gist of it. The short girl just held her tight while Lapis went to the kitchen to prepare some tea. “It hurts Peri… it hurts so much.”

“Shhh, I know it does Pearl” The blue haired girl could hear them from the kitchen. “You can stay here for the night, I don’t want you driving like that”

“I’m sorry… I ruined Lapis’ therapy” That last part was punctuated by a louder sob. 

“No, you didn’t, you were so supportive and I’m sure Lapis doesn’t blame you for anything” And it was the truth, the blue haired girl didn’t blame her at all, if anything there wasn’t anything to be ruined. The session itself had been quite intense, and some of the things Dr. Quartz had told her still resonated with her. 

It had been very uncomfortable at the beginning, Lazuli being very closed off, answering with mostly monosyllabic words, never feeling sufficiently at ease to talk freely. Until her psychologist had put her notepad down and looked at her directly in the eyes.

“Lapis, this is not going to work if you don’t cooperate with me” She had told her.

The blue haired girl had looked aside, angry with herself for her inability to let go. “I’m trying.” 

“Why are you trying? What made you say I need help?” The doctor picked up her notepad once again.

“My girlfriend Peridot recommended me that I should work on some of my issues”

“And how long have you been dating?”

“About a week now” 

“That’s a short time, why does she think you would benefit from therapy?”

“Isn’t it obvious, I’m very fucked up” Lapis completely ignored the frown the big woman gave when she cursed in front of her, she was more than a little offended that the doctor could doubt Peridot. “She made me realize that I was done being this ice queen, that I wanted to be able to feel again, so, she told me I should probably get an appointment if I wanted to make it work. And here I am.”

“Lapis, I’m a little concerned about your dependence on Peridot”

“What are you talking about?” The blue haired girl was ready to just storm out of her office, but managed to contain herself. _No more running away_

“For what you tell me, you want to get better for her, not really for yourself” Doctor Quartz spoke very slowly, as if she was approaching a caged animal. 

“Does it even matter why I want your help? Isn’t it enough that I want to?” An annoyed huff came out of the law student’s mouth.

“No, it’s not. You two are now on what is commonly known as the Honeymoon stage of your relationship, everything is great, you’re both happy. But that stage is, by definition, only temporary, and I’m afraid of what will happen to you and all of these efforts when the honeymoon ends” Lazuli remained silent, not wanting to revealed that her words had gotten to her, more than she’d like “You clearly have some issues we can work on, but it’ll take time, constant effort and that you actually want it for yourself.”

“I… can try”

“That’s all I need from you, for now”

There was no time to think about it at the moment, Lapis had to clean the mess she had made thanks to her being too preoccupied with her thoughts to realize the cup of tea was overflowing already. She went to take the two steaming cups to her girlfriend’s bedroom and found that Pearl had fallen asleep while Peridot stroked her hair. When the blonde saw her come in, she quietly stood up, leaving her sister to her restless dream.

“I should probably get going” The blue haired girl said, picking up her jacket and the cursed scarf off the floor.

“I’m sorry you got caught up in all the relationship drama” Peridot said sheepishly, looking at the floor.

“Hey, I don’t mind, it’s very sweet how much you care about each other” Even though she would never admit it out loud, Lapis had some longing to be a part of that. “And your sister seems pretty nice, for what I could see before all went to shit.”

“She is.” The blonde smiled but then grew serious “Maybe it hasn’t occurred to you, but just in case, I want you to know that if you want to continue visiting Dr. Quartz, it’s cool by me and Pearl. She’ll probably just refrain from picking you up with me”

“Are you going to continue to pick me up?” Said the taller girl, cheeky smile on her face. 

“As long as you want me”

“You may get tired”

“I’ll take my chances” With that Peridot briefly kissed her lovingly. “Goodnight Lapis”

“Night Peridot” The door closed behind her. The blue haired girl took one deep breath and pondered, once more, what her therapist had said. _She may be right, but who the fuck cares if she is._

Lapis made her way back to her apartment and tried to sleep even though she knew it was a lost battle; it was one of her insomnia days. At the crack of dawn she decided to at least be productive if she was going to be awake anyways. She caught up with her school work and was re-watching her favorite episodes of Camp Pinning Hearts, when the time came for her to pick up her girlfriend and go talk to professor Lovegood about what happened at the precinct. 

If she was being honest, Lapis didn’t know if they could trust the professor, she hadn’t been very forthcoming, nor had she particularly been kind to Peridot at the start of it all. There was still resentment in her, even after their fight all those weeks ago. Pulling in front of the blonde girl’s dorm, the law student waited until her very tired looking girlfriend came out. She had black bags under her eyes and her posture seemed tense. 

“Hey, you look like shit” The blue haired girl said when Peridot got inside the car.

“Aww, that’s what everyone wants to hear from their girlfriend first thing in the morning” Said the short girl crankily while Lapis chuckled, she then looked up and softly touched the bags under her eyes. “You don’t look so good yourself, did you get any sleep last night?”

“Not really, but I did finish an essay that’s due in a month” Lazuli started the engine and drove towards their school. She tried to lift the mood with a joke, but her partner still didn’t seem amused at all, so she decided to change the subject “I’m guessing things didn’t get better after I left”

Peridot hesitated for a bit about pressing the issue, but dropped it to her girlfriend’s relief “No, Pearl had calmed down a little, but I woke up to her sneaking out at three in the morning to buy cigarettes and call Sheena while trying not to cry” 

“Didn’t know your sister smokes” 

“She doesn’t” Said the blonde exasperated, gesturing with her tiny hands “She hasn’t smoked a single cigarette since she tried to impress Sheena during a rock concert. She’s a fucking health nut, for fuck’s sake” 

“And how is she doing now?” 

“She stopped crying at around five, and now she’s sleeping, so I hope better” The blonde put her head on her hands and sighted “I just really hope she doesn’t regress back to how she was when Rose left.” 

“She’s older now, it can’t be that bad”

“Yeah, you’re probably right” 

They drove in silence until the reached the school and walked all the way up to professor Lovegood’s office; they knocked and were immediately received by the British woman who was busy grading papers at the time. Given that the last time she had been there wasn’t so good, Lapis just stood back and let Peridot take the lead. 

“Girls, what a surprise!” Garnet did a double take and smiled sadly at the two of them. “Come in.”

“Hi Garnet” Peridot said taking a seat. Lapis only nodded and also sat down. 

“Is this about Pearl?”

“How do you know about that?” The blonde asked surprised that her professor was so well informed. 

“She called me yesterday night… or should I say this morning? It was three AM and she complained that you didn’t let her buy cigarettes” The dark skinned woman sighted heavily, the sadness in her eyes more present now. “How is she?”

“She’s… a mess right now”

“I was thinking about going to visit her, is she at your dorm now?”

“Yeah, she is. She could use some of your cool demeanor right about now” Peridot said smiling crookedly, as if she was sharing an inside joke. Garnet chuckled for a moment and shook her head. “But that’s not exactly why we’re here.”

“Please, tell me”

“Well, we were wondering about something from the case” The professor immediately straighten her back, putting on a professional expression on, gesturing for her to continue “First of all, we need help with a formal complaint against Detective Schaffer, you’re the official lawyer in the case after all.”

“What happened? What did he do?” Professor Lovegood was impassible, no emotion betrayed her face; Lapis recognized a pro in her own game when she saw it. 

“Well, we went through all the documents that you gave us, and realized that there wasn’t any witness’ account on Amethyst whereabouts right before the murder, so, naturally we went to ask the cops what was going on.” The lack of sleep had made Peridot a lot more irritable than she usually was; Lapis saw the annoyance rising in her. “And you know what he said? He said that people who live where Ms. Mendez does are USED to killing each other and that’s why she never took the statements. Can you believe it?” 

“That certainly sounds like unprofessional conduct and neglect of duties” Garnet mused over the facts writing them down on her notepad right next to her “We can definitely do something about it, I’m assuming you two are willing to sign an affidavit.”

“Anything to put the fear of God in that bastard” Lapis said firmly while internally reveling in the fact that Garnet pursed her lips in disapproval at her cursing.

“Yes, of course” Peridot affirmed and then a little more hesitantly continued talking “I also wanted to ask you how you didn’t noticed that those statements were missing?”

“That’s irrelevant now, don’t worry about it” The professor stood up and started to walk towards the door in a clear sign that the conversation was over “I’ll handle the complaint and call you if I need anything” 

Lapis was dangerously close to repeating the same scene of a few weeks ago when the anger took over her. But she wasn’t the only one about to lose it, all the pent up stress had apparently caught up to her girlfriend. Peridot had fisted her hands, shaking slightly with rage “No, you don’t get to do this now. What is going on Garnet?”

“There’s nothing going on, now if you’ll excuse…” The dark skinned woman opened the door, signaling for them to get out, but was cut off by a very stern Peridot. 

“No, I want to know what’s going on” The pale face was completely red; her exhausted eyes were blazing with fury. Lapis had never seen her like that before, and she would be lying if she said that she didn’t think it was more than a little bit appealing. “I think we’re entitle to information, from the beginning you’ve been closed off, putting all this pressure on us, but refusing to give us anything of substance LIKE THE FACT THAT OUR CLIENT WAS ONE OF MY SISTER’S BEST FRIENDS. I refuse to do this anymore until you explain why the fuck you didn’t notice this glaring omission, Garnet”

“I WAS AFRAID TO ASK” The professor for the first time raised her voice, her cool façade cracking under all the accusations leveled at her. “It scares me more than you can ever imagine to find that the witnesses never saw anything, or worse, that they saw her leave early. Why do you think I asked you to work on this? I KNEW I wasn’t objective enough and that it was a hindrance to her case, but you saw what happens to people like her, I couldn’t just give it to anyone… I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough.” 

“I understand why you didn’t say anything, but that’s not an excuse for putting your friend in even more danger than she already is.” The blonde said, voice as cold as ice. “Is there anything else we should know about?” Once the British woman shook her head, Peridot walked out of the door without saying anything else. 

“Don’t look at me, I didn’t do the yelling this time” Lapis said when Garnet turned to her for answers, impressed that Peridot could act that way. The blue haired girl simply followed her suddenly hotter than usual girlfriend to the courtyard. Once she caught up to her, she asked. “Are you OK?”

“I just don’t want to think about it” The blonde said curtly, pacing around for a little “Let’s just go get some tea and start working on actually getting an innocent woman free.”

********

The weather was becoming chillier by the second, the first snow if the year was certainly close, as the two partners worked ceaselessly for a moth, running around, interviewing everyone they could find. The had a pretty solid case for Ms. Mendez, if not being outright innocent, at least enough to create reasonable doubt. But they still needed a new suspect; if their meeting with the detective at the precinct had taught them something, was that they would have to work even harder than with a regular client. 

The workload was catching up to them though, Lapis and Peridot were exhausted, falling asleep together on different parts of the school, hallways, empty classrooms, benches on the yard, everything was fair game. 

The added tension of midterms, the case, therapy for Lapis that was proving to be a very draining exercise on self-control, and Pearl’s situation in Peridot’s case resulted in them barely sharing more than a handful of intimate moments, in which they mostly nap together. The blue haired girl couldn’t say she was dissatisfied with the arrangement; the normal domesticity of having someone there for her when she didn’t know she needed human contact was rather calming.

That’s exactly what they were doing at that moment; they were both lounging on the couch, enjoying their peaceful quietness when the sound of a phone call disturbed them both. The short girl hurried to answer, annoyed at the sudden interruption. 

“Yeah?” She answered with a very unfriendly tone of voice that soon changed into one of surprise. “Hi mom, how are you?... I’m good, little stressed out, but good… Oh, you mean the lunch you told me that day… I know I said you should give Pearl a month but… I’ll talk to her… I can ask Lapis, but I don’t think Sheena will come… Long story short, that’s why Pearl is not in a good place right now… She’s fine, I’ve been looking after her… OK, love you too, see you tomorrow.” Peridot hung up and groaned into her hands “Lapis, could you kill me now, so I don’t have to be in the same room with an overcompensating mother and an emotionally unstable sister?”

“I thought we already discussed the terms of either of us dying”

“Only allowed if it’s under an stampede trying to meet Gal Gadot”

“Exactly” Lapis agreed seriously. “Why don’t you just say you can’t go?”

“I could, but she sounded so hopeful, I didn’t have the heart to do it”

“Do you think Pearl will want to go?” 

“I think she won’t put up a fight if I tell her to get in the car” Peridot sighted getting out a notebook, writing all the ways she could think of with which she could convince her sister “Also, please don’t feel obligated to come with me, it probably won’t be overly pleasant”

“Come on, you know me, you know I would never pass up a good opportunity for some drama.” The blue haired girl said emphasizing the last words with the same intonation reality TV stars do when saying that word. “But in all honesty, your family is pretty important to you, and I’m here for you if things go wrong”

“Thank you Lapis” The truthful raw emotion behind her voice was so plain that Lazuli couldn’t help but lower her gaze and feel somewhat embarrassed. It was hard to accept such displays of affection, but therapy was helping with that… most of the times. 

There wasn’t much left to do for them that afternoon, the partners just continued resting on the couch, sleeping on and off, kissing leisurely every once in a while. During one of those make out sessions the heat rose between them. It felt just like it had a month ago, when their minds shut off and their hand and lips had a life of their own. CPH continued to play in the background, completely forgotten to the two of them. 

_Stop this, right now_ Lapis’ mind shouted suddenly, making her break from the kiss. She couldn’t do this to Peridot, what if she got bored of her? What if everything new she was feeling suddenly disappeared and left the blonde even more heartbroken by feeling used, on top of it all? Despite how much the blue haired girl wanted to cling to this perfect stretch of time between the two, as Rose loved to remind her, they were just in the honeymoon stage, a free trial period were everything is beautiful… until it isn’t anymore. _And I’m selfish enough to go running for the hills at the first sign of trouble._ She would protect her girlfriend from herself, while she still cared. 

While the blue haired girl’s internal conflict was raging inside her, Peridot looked disoriented, blinking as if she wasn’t aware of where she was or where had those lips gone. Once she came back to earth, her whole face went red, insecurity plain on her features that, sadly, was lost on her girlfriend, too preoccupied with her own thoughts. 

“Do you want ice cream?” Lazuli asked, eager to relieve the tension while she still had will power. Peridot looked very confused at the sudden offer, but she nodded either way.

“Yes, that would be nice.”

“I’ll get it right away” And with that, they spent the rest of their time together eating pistachio and key lime ice cream respectively, definitely not talking about the big elephant in the room. 

Each went home after that and prepared for their big lunch the next morning. Lapis opened her closet, and not for the first time in a month, told herself that she should buy better clothing. _What exactly does one wear when meeting you girlfriend’s former homophobic mother?_ She went with a non threatening light blue shirt, a black sweater, a coat, and jeans. She didn’t want to intimidate Mrs. Green like she did most people.

They took Lapis’ car early in the morning and drove all the way up to the quaint little town of Beach City, with just enough time to make it back for lunch. Peridot knocked on the door several times until she took out her key and opened her sister’s house with uneasiness in her eyes. The house was spotless and it smelled strongly of disinfectant; it gave the blue haired girl a strong uncanny feeling, where everything was too eerily orderly. 

The short girl cursed under her breath and hesitantly called “Hey Bird, you there? Please tell me you didn’t get high on cleaning solutions again”

“That never happened, I was actually drunk but didn’t want you to know” A voice got to them from somewhere on the floor; there, hidden behind the couch, was the older Green sister, laying flat on her stomach, wallowing in her misery. 

“Shit Pearl, I never thought you would actually admit to it” Peridot said with concern, hoisting her up as much as she could with her short arms. “Come on, what have I told you about compulsive cleaning?”

“I don’t think it’s possible to have caused global warming on my own”

“All the products you use say otherwise.”

“Fuck off.” Taken aback by the profanity, the blonde looked at her girlfriend with pleading eyes. Lapis knew what to do, the Green sisters always calmed down with some tea. 

“Come on, get up, shower, and change clothes. You smell like a pool.” 

“Why? Don’t have anyone that cares about my appearance anymore” Said Pearl, not moving. 

“That’s rich, I care about you” Peridot stopped and hesitated for a fraction of a second before continuing talking. “Mom cares too”

“Where did that come from?” Asked Pearl confused at the sudden change in topic. 

“Well… you kind of told her you’d go have lunch with her, about a month ago?” Lapis cringed from her spot on the kitchen, at the very not so subtle way of avoiding mentioning what else happened that day. 

“No” Said the former ballerina desperately, eyes as big as saucers with dawning realization. “Nononononononononono. Don’t do this to me”

“Come on Bird, we had agreed that it would be a good time to start over. Get if not a good relationship, at least a functional one” 

“TRAITOR” Said Pearl sipping the tea Lapis had just handed to her. “You come into my house, tell your girlfriend to make me delicious tea, which, by the way, thank you very much, it is lovely” Her tone of voice never changed, still strongly irritated when praising her beverage. 

“No need to thank, I got practice now”

“And try to take me to see that WOMAN?” The older Green continued talking to her sister, face red. 

“Pearl, Lapis and I talked about this in the car and we’re fully prepared to drag you by your feet if you don’t cooperate” She was bluffing, of course, but Lapis was fully prepared to carry out the threat either way “Come on, I know you still love her, and maybe it would be good to see someone besides me and Garnet for a moment” 

“I see Lapis too, you two seem joined by the hip now”

“Your job must be exhausting, being all day with just machines” The blue haired girl chuckled at her partner trying to ignore the comment, the light blush on her cheeks was the only indicator that she had actually heard it. 

“They get me”

“I promise to leave with you as soon as you want”

“I’ll get there and want to go, why bother then?” 

“I didn’t want to get to this, but you leave me no choice” Peridot took out her phone and read a text message out loud “Hello Peridot, I hope you and that lovely girl Lapis are alright. Have you talk to your sister yet? You could tell her that I’ll cook spaghetti with shellfish sauce, her favorite; I hope she still likes it, do you know if she has now a new favorite? If she does, you tell her I’ll cook that and let me know.   
“You said she was doing good, I’m glad, she was always a very impressive little girl, do you think she’ll believe me if I tell her how proud I am of her? I probably should wait, don’t want to scare her away or sound fake. Either way, I can wait to see you girls tomorrow; I miss my girls terribly. Love you all, Mom.  
“She still doesn’t know the difference between a written letter and a text” The younger sister said wistfully, eyes moist. “I think she’s changed, would you like to meet her new self?”

Pearl wiped a few tears that had spilled from her face and nodded slowly. “Yes, I think I would”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it, my poor Lapis is struggling but she'll be fine... eventually.  
> As always let me know what you think, all the love this story is getting makes me so happy. Take care!

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language, so feel free to point out any grammar or spelling mistakes. If you'd like to get in touch, my tumblr is youngclosetedlesbian


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